Best excuses for late arrival at work

[southend4ever]

Everyone on SZ,

Lets combine ideas and suggestions for the best excuses for late arrival at work. What are the best/worst/funniest excuses you have used or your colleagues have used for your/their late arrival?

After a frustrating morning on the Northern Line and only 3 months into my job the manager pinpointed me this morning and told me it was unacceptable. It was not possible for me to be any earlier and I would have actually been early if everything was to its usual time as opposed to over 45 minutes late for work.

After beginning to explain the Hoohar to the boss I was interrupted with "OK, I get it, travel problems." Although true and to the point I couldn't help but feel the boss was ****ed off for something I couldn't avoid. With no signal on the underground I could not communicate to let work know either! I left the office feeling pretty bad and annoyed at the situation.

It has left me wondering what excuses have wondered out of your mouths' when perhaps you ignored the alarm clock?

Debate.

 

[EastStandBlue]

Should've told him you were late because you have to pop round his to satisfy his wife before coming in.

 

[manor15]

I felt it was better to sleep at home rather than at the office.
I have transient amnesia and couldn't remember my job.
What is time?
Actually, the clock's wrong, I'm early.

 

[Dave of the Match]

Applying the theory of relativity - what is "time"?

 

[Hotman]

robm has just pm'd me, he would like this deleted as his 54 year old son might read this, and it refers to "satsfiying someones wife".

hope the mods do the honourable thing.

 

[chadded]

Don't blame me, blame your mum*, she was hogging my shower.


No insult or comeback, will ever beat a 'your mum' comeback. Fact.

 

[united we stand]

When I was much younger and in a new job I overslept and got a bollocking. I realised much later that they were having a laugh, but at 18 I took it to heart. The next day I also overslept and panicked. Not sure where this idea came from but I cut a hole in the elbow of my worst shirt, then bandaged by elbow and put some tomato sauce over it -lining it up with the hole in my shirt.

When I got to work I apologised and said because of yesterday I got up super early and ran for a bus which would have got me in half an hour early. Unfortunately I fell over and badly hurt my arm and had to go home to bandage it up.
They laughed but when I took off my suit jacket (it was summer so I said I was carrying it when I was running_) and they saw my arm they all felt really guilty. I owed up to it approx 5 years later.

Another guy I worked wwhen at a previous job came in late and said he had lost his wallet on the way in and had backtracked to find it . They had a wip round and gave him £80.00. He said he felt awful, but not awful enough to make up another story saying he had found his wallet the next day !

 

[canveyshrimper]

A few years back I and a few colleagues were enjoying a liquid lunch when the pub we were in was raided by the OB acting on a tip off that a drugs deal was taking place. They raided the place around 2pm just when we were preparing to go back to the office, and we were kept there until gone 3. Luckily the bar remained open :clap: and as this was pre mobile phones I had to go to the payphone copper in tow to call the office. One bloke was busting for a slash and was accompanied to the khazi by the plod to ensure that he peed rather than bung his stash down the pan.

All in all a great excuse to stay in the boozer and return to the office half cut.

 

[londonblue]

A guy I worked with may years ago arrived at lunch time one Friday. He hadn't rang to say he was going to be late, and didn't answer his phone when anyone rang him.

When he turned up he said he woke up, thought it was Saturday, so turned over and went back to sleep!

 

[Uncle Leo]

A former colleague was once hauled in to a meeting to explain his persistent lateness. His excuse:

"Some days my morning s*** takes longer than other mornings."

He was sacked shortly thereafter. I'm still in touch with the guy though. Top man, if a little sweary (sample greeting being "Good ****ing evening mate how the ****ing hell are you on this beautiful ****ing night?")

 

[choggy]

I always turn up 30 minutes late for work and people now assume I start at 9.30am. Problem sorted!

 

[canveyshrimper]

I always turn up 30 minutes late for work and people now assume I start at 9.30am. Problem sorted!

Happened to me once, I turned in at 10.35. My boss said "You should have been here at 9 o'clock"

I said "Why what happened?" :)

 

[MK Shrimper]

Just rolled in 5 mins ago. How slack is NR :D

And I think I'll bugger off about 2.

 

[EastStandBlue]

Not so much work, but in one of my classes a few years ago some guy rolled in about 20 minutes late and said "Err... Sorry I'm late, my knee was really itchy so I took a shower"

 

[BoyWonder2]

I live about a 1 minute drive from work.

One morning I'd woken up a little bit late, but still would have made it in on time without a shower and some breakfast.

Thinking of myself, and the fact my job is ****, I decided to take a shower and have a quick bite before I rolled into work at about 9:15am.

My excuse.....The traffic. Everyone laughed because the guys knew how close I live, but my boss didn't. I made up a whole story about car crashes, police dogs etc etc and he brought it. Still doesn't know I live just down the road.

 

[Mad Cyril]

I spilt a bottle of Amyl in my motor and passed out for two hours.

 

[Firestorm]

In the really bad snow back in 87 the trains were really poor , roads were impassable, villages cut off etc, for about a week. I managed to struggle into the office in Leadenhall St for all bar the Monday, generally to be met by a less than half full department.
The following week when things were back to normal I spoke to one of the week long absentees as I was a bit miffed that she had not contacted us at all but had not turned up. She said that the radio said that due to the weather we were only to travel if it was extremely important and unavoidable, so she stayed indoors all week.
She lived at Limehouse...no more than 2 miles from the office !!!

Mind you this is the same bird who when filling her appraisal form , under the section "Whats skills do you have which are not fully utilsed in your current role" wrote......Poetry

 

[Uncle Leo]

In the really bad snow back in 87 the trains were really poor , roads were impassable, villages cut off etc, for about a week. I managed to struggle into the office in Leadenhall St for all bar the Monday, generally to be met by a less than half full department.
The following week when things were back to normal I spoke to one of the week long absentees as I was a bit miffed that she had not contacted us at all but had not turned up. She said that the radio said that due to the weather we were only to travel if it was extremely important and unavoidable, so she stayed indoors all week.
She lived at Limehouse...no more than 2 miles from the office !!!

Mind you this is the same bird who when filling her appraisal form , under the section "Whats skills do you have which are not fully utilsed in your current role" wrote......Poetry

On a similar note, there was a Swedish bloke I worked with who, on a tube strike day, didn't even bother trying to get in. I, for example, got three different buses and took three hours rather than my usual 45 minutes at the time.

This Swedish fella was planning on leaving the company later that year to go travelling round SE Asia. Our boss went ballistic with him, saying

"Hoo the **** are ye going tae get aroond ****ing Thailand if ye cannae even get a couplae ****ing buses from Camden tae Rayners ****ing Lane"

I feel the boss had a point.

 

[canveyshrimper]

Is your boss Alex Ferguson James?

On another note, a mate of mine is a teacher, and a kid rolled into his lesson one day at about 1130. Asked why he was late the kid said.

"Sorry but my dad was burned"

"Good lord is he ok?"

"Well they don't **** about in a crematorium."

 

[Dick Bate's Protege]

Everyone on SZ,

Lets combine ideas and suggestions for the best excuses for late arrival at work. What are the best/worst/funniest excuses you have used or your colleagues have used for your/their late arrival?

After a frustrating morning on the Northern Line and only 3 months into my job the manager pinpointed me this morning and told me it was unacceptable. It was not possible for me to be any earlier and I would have actually been early if everything was to its usual time as opposed to over 45 minutes late for work.

After beginning to explain the Hoohar to the boss I was interrupted with "OK, I get it, travel problems." Although true and to the point I couldn't help but feel the boss was ****ed off for something I couldn't avoid. With no signal on the underground I could not communicate to let work know either! I left the office feeling pretty bad and annoyed at the situation.

It has left me wondering what excuses have wondered out of your mouths' when perhaps you ignored the alarm clock?

Debate.

Only one option in these situations. You should have ripped your shirt off, slapped your chest and offered him some skin on skin, mano mano.