Best comment you've heard at the Hall ;

jaffa1 · Nov 18, 2015

Randomly my eldest asked me this question the other night. I have heard plenty in my time but after a bit of thought I selected a quip from the mid 90's. I was in the West Stand that day, and please forgive me for not remembering the opposition, all the dialogue or even the 'target', but somebody really tore into one of our players. It was along the lines of ; " ****** you useless ****, why don't you just **** off back to (name of former club)". There was a slight pause before a wag further back nonchalantly replied "Thank you Vicar !!".

onceknownasrab · Nov 18, 2015

Standing behind two old guys in the queue. One said to the other 'I've watched these f***ers for nearly forty years now. I jacked the wife in after two because she was boring. How I keep coming here I don't know!'

eastwood shrimper · Nov 18, 2015

One of of the best come from Akinfenwa when he was having you fat ******* turning around to Prosser and saying they may be talking to you because it can't be me.

Supa Shrimpa · Nov 18, 2015

..back in the day, corner to the opposition and striker Steve Phillips was plodding around on the centre circle with his head down, looking totally disinterested. Some gent standing behind me at the back of the West Stand shouted "oi Phillips, are you looking for your car keys ?"

davewebbsbrain · Nov 18, 2015

In the South Upper in the Alan Little era, there was a bunch of lads always giving banter. One game, one of them started chanting 'Alan Little's a homosexual' but none of his mates joined in. Once he stopped, I quickly shouted 'It's funny that you're the only one that knows though'...His mates destroyed him

Norwichshrimper · Nov 18, 2015

I was near the front of the East (near NE corner) some time back in the 90's I think. No idea who we were playing, but it was blowing a gale towards the South Stand. The linesman was trotting past us after a Goal Kick was taken, when another huge gust came up and blew a load of old carrier bags, paper cups, crisp packets and part of a cardboard box straight into him.

Almost immediately TBBM shouted out "that's rubbish Lino"

I think maybe you had to be there

RobM · Nov 18, 2015

Not at the Hall but .... I did my refereeing course many years ago and the tutor related this story.
He gave a free kick against a BIG centre-half who ran over to him and called him a "@&%* ing &@£@".
Producing a red card, the ref' said "We can't have two on the same pitch!"

RHB · Nov 18, 2015

Andy Smillie had just failed to get to an incredibly straight forward chance right in front of goal, and more embarrassingly, the North Bank. The ground went into that silent mode before we moved onto the goal kick, then some wag called out "What's the matter Andy, is she taking too much out of you?". Cue Smillie and North Bank laughing their heads off.

Probably not hugely funny to others now, but I wet myself at the time.

Pubey · Nov 18, 2015

A game a few years back somehow Chris Barker was up against a full-back on the edge of the opposition box. I shouted 'skin him' which got a few laughs.

Uncle Leo · Nov 18, 2015

Female police officer patrolling in front of the North Bank circa 1988.

My Dad shouted out "Show us your beaver" at her to the mirth of many and the complete confusion of nine-year-old me.

MK Shrimper · Nov 18, 2015

Uncle Leo said:
Female police officer patrolling in front of the North Bank circa 1988.

My Dad shouted out "Show us your beaver" at her to the mirth of many and the complete confusion of nine-year-old me.

Lucky she didn't show him her truncheon!

Firestorm · Nov 18, 2015

Uncle Leo said:
Female police officer patrolling in front of the North Bank circa 1988.

My Dad shouted out "Show us your beaver" at her to the mirth of many and the complete confusion of nine-year-old me.

You also didn't understand the one where the ref was accused of having a job at London Zoo, he was the Panda ******..

dannypav · Nov 18, 2015

Not Roots Hall , but I was at an Arsenal match in the late 90’s and they had a striker called Christopher Wreh , who really wasn’t very good , despite scoring the winning goal in the FA Cup semi final.
He was however the cousin of George Weah , who was the then World Footballer of the Year.
After yet another mishap by poor Chris , someone loudly moaned “I can’t believe how awful he is , especially as his cousin is George Weah” ! , to which the reply from another voice in the crowd was “Well my cousin is a plumber but I couldn’t change a f@@@ing washer if I tried so what's your point" ?

DTS · Nov 18, 2015

I once shouted "shut up Wyclef" at a Swansea player that had dreads who was moaning at the ref and the whole ground laughed and agreed I was a right card.

Supernaut · Nov 18, 2015

DTS said:
I once shouted "shut up Wyclef" at a Swansea player that had dreads

Sounds as though he didn't look anything like the fictional Cornwall detective to me...

united we stand · Nov 18, 2015

Approx 4 seasons ago. One of the opposition fans was giveing it large, it went silent and a bloke in W shouted back 'why dont you sit down and xxx off', slight chuckle , our guy thought about it for a second then went ' actually stand up and xxxx off'

writing it down it doesn't sound funny, but the block errupted

Uncle Leo · Nov 18, 2015

Firestorm said:
You also didn't understand the one where the ref was accused of having a job at London Zoo, he was the Panda ******..

Still don't.

Shrimper Neil · Nov 18, 2015

1990 at home to Bury (I think), corner about to be taken at the north bank end. Bury defender standing on the back post.

Fan in the north Bank: 'Oi...number 4'

Bury number 4 looks towards the crowd

Fan in north bank: 'I'm shagging your missus..!' (cue laughter)

Bury number 4: Oh yeah.. Our whole team is doing yours..!!!
(Cue loads of laughter and the Southend fan literally squirming. He moved somewhere else soon after..!

Jai · Nov 18, 2015

Steve Bull being called a test tube baby was quite an original one. Shame he scored about five minutes later.

Ricky Otto · Nov 18, 2015

It was a local friendly under Tilly maybe, Witham or Maldon and we were in a red away kit. Anyway we were standing by the southend dugout and Tilly was screaming "red ball, red ball ref" to which my mate quiped "gives you wings don't it". Tilly gave a little smile of acknowledgement

Best comment you've heard at the Hall ;

Manager

President

Members

Director⭐

Webby⭐

Can you hear Talvin Singh

55 years as a supporter!⭐

I'm a Gnu, how do you do!⭐⭐

Pubey

Guest

This cook is an anti-semite

Striker

Pedant

President

The Business

And I used to be a citizen⭐

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This cook is an anti-semite

Youth Team

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