Slipperduke's Slippery Column

[Bluesmanager]

Well done Hull, but I can't help but feel that they'll be the New Derby next year. The KC's what, 22k tops? Sure they'll pack it every week but it's just too small for a long term Premiership side. Their squad's comprised of players who are too old for the Prem, realistically speaking, Windass hasn't got the legs to do the job in the Prem and the last time I checked, Nick Barmby was about as mobile as the Empire State Building.

Unless Brown invests heavily (and I know it's said every year about the promoted sides but unfortunately it's true), they're going right back down, which is a shame as I don't mind them too much (Brown's connections to Col Ewe and some really dodgy kits aside).

 

[Slipperduke]

A bullet with Avram Grant's name on it.

He took them to within a slip of the European Cup and a Steve Bennett of the league, but when a bullet with Avram Grant's name on it came whistling in from the Chelsea boardroom it came as a surprise to absolutely no-one. This good, proud man had always been the wrong choice as Jose Mourinho's replacement. The players knew it, the fans knew it and one can only wonder why Roman Abramovich did not realise it until now. You do not usurp a trusted leader and install in his place a man whose most convincing qualification is that he is mates with the big boss.

But for all the protestations of Peter Kenyon that Chelsea don't settle for second best, results had very little to do with this decision. Even if John Terry had managed to keep his balance in the Luzhniki Stadium, Grant would still be scanning the jobs pages this morning. It is a crying shame that we no longer live in an era where a man can prove his worth with results, but such is life at the top of the richest league in the world. Chelsea, and indeed most of the European elite, now place a heavier emphasis on that awful word, 'branding'.

Branding can be a natural phenomenon, like those much envied European nights at Anfield that make every Liverpool fan on the planet glow with pride. More often than not though, it's artificial. The accumulation of specific players to crack international t-shirt markets. The use of key figures in high-end consumer product advertising. It all goes to feed the rapacious desire of the suits in the boardroom as they scavenge the world for hidden revenue streams. Mourinho was perfect for today's game. Well-dressed, charismatic and outspoken, he looked as good on the touchline in his long coat as he did staring down from a billboard advertising expensive watches or credit cards. Newcomers to football, those floating proto-fans on the fringes of the game, took one look and decided that that was their kind of football. Can anyone think of a product that Grant could advertise? Funerals perhaps?

Managers must also be able to deal with the insatiable demands of the media and I have seen few do it as badly as Grant. Mourinho knew that the more the press focused on him, the less they concentrated on the players. His bosses knew that more flashing images of a strong, confident Mourinho meant more new cash-rich supporters across the world. Everyone was a winner. With Grant, everybody lost. Journalists, against all conventional beliefs, are just human beings doing a job. If they get a call from the editor asking for 600 words on the press conference in the next hour, the last thing they need is to sit in front of a monosyllabic, mumbling grump who doesn't want to be there. Moody journalists write angry articles and that means no new fans and no positive branding.

Chelsea have put themselves in a very difficult position. It appears that they want a winner, but a winner who won't cause trouble with the hierarchy. They want someone famous and high-profile, but still desperate enough to walk into a club where shadowy backroom factions fight for the attentions of the owner. Someone who plays attractive football, but rarely loses. Someone who can confidently deal with the media, and still not upset the balance of a strong dressing-room. If the power-brokers at Stamford Bridge know their football, they'll ignore the La Liga table and hire Frank Rijkaard. Unfortunately, recent events suggest that football is not their key area of expertise.

 

[Bluesmanager]

At the rate their going, they'll want to install revolving doors at the Bridge.

 

[BrettieAngell]

Chelsea have put themselves in a very difficult position. It appears that they want a winner, but a winner who won't cause trouble with the hierarchy. They want someone famous and high-profile, but still desperate enough to walk into a club where shadowy backroom factions fight for the attentions of the owner. Someone who plays attractive football, but rarely loses. Someone who can confidently deal with the media, and still not upset the balance of a strong dressing-room. If the power-brokers at Stamford Bridge know their football, they'll ignore the La Liga table and hire Frank Rijkaard. Unfortunately, recent events suggest that football is not their key area of expertise.

That sums it up perfectly!

 

[EastStandBlue]

As it happens, I think they'll appoint Mancini... with the utter Irony being Mourinho going to Inter and taking with him Chelsea's prize assett, Drogba.

I also read this morning that several MLS Clubs have turned down the oppurtunity to sign Shevchenko, which surely must be the highest insult considering Abel Xavier is hailed as one of L.A. Galaxy's 3 "Stars".

 

[Slipperduke]

Leeds United

The dream that they lived under Peter Ridsdale has long since faded into a memory but, for the supporters of Leeds United, it's taking a lot longer to wake up from the nightmare that followed. Defeat at Wembley to a spirited and creative Doncaster Rovers means that it's another season in the third flight for the former champions of England. Another year of Southend, Carlisle and Leyton Orient. Another year of being the big team in a small league.

There could be no complaints. Gary McAllister's team didn't play anywhere near their best, wobbling at the back under early Doncaster pressure and repeatedly losing the ball when they moved forwards. Up front Darren Beckford scuffed almost everything that fell for him and talismanic loanee Dougie Freedman just couldn't impose himself on the match. Leeds suffered too at the hands of 'the curse of the ex-player'. Discarded by former manager Dennis Wise, Doncaster goalkeeper Neil Sullivan was in imperious form. There was no flamboyance, no showing off, just a quiet authority between the posts that gradually sapped Leeds United's belief that they would ever beat him. Time and time again, Sullivan rose in the six yard box to claim another errant corner. On a day when his team needed his experience, he was immense.

With their coffers empty, Leeds' greatest assets these days are their supporters. They came to London in huge numbers and loud voice and even as injury time ebbed away, they continued to roar out their anthem, "Marching On Together." There were fears before kick-off that trouble would break out from the pockets of fans who had sneakily bought tickets in the Doncaster end, but the police moved quickly to form a human wall between the rebel enclaves and their rivals and open warfare was avoided for another day. The Elland Road faithful's reputation goes before them, but they are rarely afforded the credit they deserve for their loyalty to their team. If only they could completely eradicate the lunatic fringe that travels everywhere with them.

Doncaster were excellent, particularly in the opening ten minutes when they swept through their opponents like a red wave and they should have made better use of that early dominance. Their fans must have wondered at half-time if they'd squandered their best opportunities, but they didn't have to wait long for the deadlock to be broken. James Hayter hurled himself at a James Coppinger corner in the 46th minute and planted the ball firmly in the back of the net to spark delirous celebrations in the stands. Doncaster are capable of playing some wonderful football and they will more than hold their own against bigger teams next season. Leeds United huffed and puffed in the the second half, but rarely looked threatening.

Not many supporters would give their chairman a standing ovation on his own, personal lap of honour, but John Ryan is a special case. A Doncaster fan as a boy, he returned in their darkest hour to rescue them from extinction. Working on the curious premise that a football club exists, not to make individuals rich, but to make a town proud, he cleared the debts and provided the calm, sensible leadership that has seen this team rise from the depths of non-league to the heights of the Coca-Cola Championship.

How Leeds could have done with some sensible leadership in the past ten years. The ghosts of their reckless past continue to haunt the present and the prospect of another season adrift in the Football League's nether regions was enough to drive many of their supporters to tears. Like Sheffield Wednesday, Manchester City and Nottingham Forest before them, they will have to learn that the way out of this division is to swallow your pride, adjust to your status, relinquish the prima donnas and play your way out with good, passing football. Who would have thought that Doncaster Rovers could have so much to teach them?

 

[Slipperduke]

The battle for succession at Stamford Bridge

With Avram Grant deposed, the battle for succession at Stamford Bridge is on and there's only man that I want to see given a chance in the hotseat. The enduring bone of contention with Chelsea is that, with limitless funds, they've spent five years building up a very good, but very workman-like team who play for percentages and grind their opponents into dust. A super-Bolton, if you will. Roman Abramovich now has a chance to make his dream of flamboyant football come true and I can't be the only neutral who hopes that he takes it. Frank Rijkaard stands out as the obvious man for the job.

Rijkaard knows all about empire building. He arrived at the Camp Nou as the first managerial appointment of new President Juan Laporta and set about constructing one of the most attractive sides in the world. A slow start to his tenure saw protests and white hankies in the stands, but the signing of Edgar Davids galvanised the team and they eventually finished second. With that transitional period complete, Barcelona went on to win back-to-back La Liga titles and, in 2006, their first European Cup for 14 years. They did it all playing divine, mesmeric football.

There are concerns that the new Chelsea manager will have problems imposing their will on the team, given that the power vacuum left by Jose Mourinho appears to have been filled by the senior players. As former coach of the Dutch national side, Rijkaard knows all about dressing room egos and the fragile temperament of young superstars. He's never shirked a challenge and, up until his final disappointing season, he had kept characters at diverse as Ronaldinho, Samuel Eto'o and Carlos Puyol grounded and happy. The squad was well marshalled by the 'good-cop, bad-cop' routine of Rijkaard and his former number two, Henk Ten Cate who is, of course, already waiting for him at Stamford Bridge. With Rijkaard's steady calm and Ten Cate's vicious snarl, they're a perfect double act, more than capable of dominating and ruling over their new charges.

Rijkaard has always been insistent on playing free-flowing, attacking football regardless of the circumstances. He favours a genuine 4-3-3, with three strikers, rather than the 4-3-3 of Grant that was actually a defensive 4-5-1 with long balls pumped up to Didier Drogba. He likes the ball to moved quickly on the ground and he loves to give outrageously talented footballers the platform to express themselves. Joe Cole is probably bouncing off the walls thinking about the fun he could have. He's not the only one. Imagine a Premier League where the top three sides all play gorgeous football.

The concern is that the Chelsea hierarchy will look only at the final season where Rijkaard struggled to keep control without the help of Ten Cate and Barcelona finished third. They may instead consider Mark Hughes, who has done such an amazing job at Ewood Park and deserves a chance with a big club. They might plump for Roberto Mancini, fresh from another Serie A title with Inter Milan. They may even go for the en vogue, fashionista choice of either Laurent Blanc or Michael Laudrup. All managers with their own claims to the throne, but none with the flamboyance and daring of Rijkaard.

Call me selfish, call me an old romantic, but just imagine seeing all those limitless funds directed to the construction of the perfect footballing football team, and then tell me that you don’t think Rijkaard is the man for the job.

 

[Slipperduke]

Capello

Here in the UK, the TV companies who fought bitterly for the rights to screen the European Championships are now desperately trying to find a way of making them appeal to a sulking nation. One station leads its advertising campaign with footage of people in the street being asked who they'll support, and then mysteriously backing Sweden. A chocolate bar advertises itself on another channel with the far more realistic images of depressed England fans hurling their TV sets out the window. That's how we feel right now and that's why most people are ignoring Fabio Capello's end of season friendly against the USA at Wembley.

Not that it seems to have bothered the new man in town. Capello has been notably bullish this week, carrying out his first press conference in English and using it to assure people that he wants to be the most successful coach of the Three Lions since Bobby Robson. The wonderful old Geordie led us to the semi-finals of the World Cup in 1990, but in the eight years prior to that he was spat on by England fans at Wembley and hounded mercilessly by the tabloids. I wonder which stage he'll reach first.

Capello is still refusing to name a permanent England captain until the start of the qualifying campaign and it's causing the players no end of concern. John Terry, or 'England's Brave John Terry', as one newspaper has mockingly nicknamed him, still hasn't managed to regain his armband and with controversy surrounding an alleged spit on Carlos Tevez last week, he may have to wait a while longer yet. Rio Ferdinand, defender and party-organiser-in-chief, could get the nod again after an impressive end of season run-in.

With a squad of tired players, many of who are still recovering from 120 minutes in the Moscow rain, the friendly will be a chance for Capello to try put a few new faces. Dean Ashton, having missed his intended debut by tripping over little Shaun-Wright Phillips and snapping his ankle, may finally get his chance to play for his country. Ashton was fairly atrocious for most of the season, but scored some spectacular goals in the final weeks and earned himself a place in the squad. Ashton is a rarity in the England frontline in that, with Peter Crouch, he is one of the few strikers taller than a garden gnome. Entertainingly, Capello is now so certain that Ashton's team-mate, Rob Green, is unsuitable for the international team, that he has over-looked him in favour of Joe Lewis, who won promotion from League Two with Peterborough. Yep, that's League Two. One division below Southend United.

For the Americans, it will be a night of celebration as Landon Donavan makes his 100th appearance for the national side. This is the first of three high-profile friendlies for Bob Bradley's team as they prepare for World Cup qualification. Spain and Argentina follow in the next fortnight, but this is the big one for the USA. A chance to beat the old empire at their own game is not to be sniffed at and if England's pampered, perpetual disappointments are dreaming about their summer holidays when they trot out at Wembley, they could find themselves on the receiving end of yet another humiliation. England fans, however, with diaries that are upsettingly clear throughout June, have had plenty of experience of that.

 

[A Century United]

Excellent stuff again, Slipper. And masterly introduction of the word "Southend" into an article about the National team.

But who would you pick for captain?

 

[Slipperduke]

Thanks ACU! I try and get as many mentions of Southend into the Singaporean papers as I can. That way, if we did a Reading and sneaked into the EPL, we wouldn't have to worry about 'cracking Asia' as I'll have taken care of it already.

I think the ideal captain is sitting there already. Smarter than people think, proud to wear the shirt, knows exactly what pressures the younger players can be put under, understands what it's like to be vicitimised by his own fans and his own press. Never stops trying, decent right peg, likes a set-piece.

David Beckham. Trouble is that we treated him so appallingly in 2006 that he'd never go near it again.

Beyond that, I have no idea. None of them particularly appealing choices, are they?

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

Owen Hargreaves would be the ideal captain, if only he was actually English.

 

[Napster]

Owen Hargreaves would be the ideal captain, if only he was actually English.

Never stopped Terry Butcher.

 

[C C Csiders]

Never stopped Terry Butcher.

Perhaps more pertinently (ss Butchers' was an accident by birth) Tony Greig in cricket or you could say Nasser Hussain.

 

[EastStandBlue]

I can only think that Capello has made JT captain for tomorrow night's game so that nobody can point the finger saying "Well, you never gave him a chance"... His despicable behaviour in the Champions League final proved to me what a vile footballer he really is.

I'd actually be happy for Rio to be captain. Has led United admirably this season, has cut the crap of his bad boy image and seems to be a more settled person these days. For the record, he had nothing to do with the Man United Christmas party either. There was a great interview in The Times I think it was last tuesday and he came across as an ideal captain for both Club and Country.

 

[A Century United]

Thanks ACU! I try and get as many mentions of Southend into the Singaporean papers as I can. That way, if we did a Reading and sneaked into the EPL, we wouldn't have to worry about 'cracking Asia' as I'll have taken care of it already.

I think the ideal captain is sitting there already. Smarter than people think, proud to wear the shirt, knows exactly what pressures the younger players can be put under, understands what it's like to be vicitimised by his own fans and his own press. Never stops trying, decent right peg, likes a set-piece.

David Beckham. Trouble is that we treated him so appallingly in 2006 that he'd never go near it again.

Beyond that, I have no idea. None of them particularly appealing choices, are they?

Slightly off topic, but agree completely. The media seem to love to portray him as a dullard, but when interviewed he seems to be pretty sharp, just has a quiet manner.

How about Stevie G for captain?

*grabs tin hat and retires behind firewall*

 

[OldBlueLady]

Thanks ACU! I try and get as many mentions of Southend into the Singaporean papers as I can. That way, if we did a Reading and sneaked into the EPL, we wouldn't have to worry about 'cracking Asia' as I'll have taken care of it already.

I think the ideal captain is sitting there already. Smarter than people think, proud to wear the shirt, knows exactly what pressures the younger players can be put under, understands what it's like to be vicitimised by his own fans and his own press. Never stops trying, decent right peg, likes a set-piece.

David Beckham. Trouble is that we treated him so appallingly in 2006 that he'd never go near it again.

Beyond that, I have no idea. None of them particularly appealing choices, are they?

Remembered my tip there this time Slip?!

There is no-one in the team at the moment that carries the fire and passion in their heart and the hunger in their belly playing not only as a representative but also as the captain of their country in the way that Beckham does. Put him in an England shirt and he'll give his all, can't say that about the likes of Terry, Ferdinand and Cole.

 

[Slipperduke]

Euro 2008

If you're a betting man you'll know that, during an international tournament, there are a few simple rules that will help protect your investment. Firstly, never back England, a nation of drunks who always choke under pressure. Secondly, always expect the home nation to outperform expectations because you can never under-estimate that feel-good factor. Thirdly, never write off the Germans.

Only one of those rules will apply this year. England's failures will be sunning themselves in Dubai and, for all their home advantages, Switzerland and Austria are so poor that they would never have managed to qualify for this tournament under their own steam. One of them may surf into the second stage on a wave of national pride, but anything more than that is out of the question. That just leaves those Germans.

Joachim Low was always said to be the tactical brains behind the Jurgen Klinsmann administration and, after the 2006 World Cup, he was given the chance to prove it in his own name. So far, it's going rather well. They qualified for Euro 2008 comfortably, though a couple of slack draws with Cyprus and Wales cost them top spot to the rickety Czech Republic. They may only have drawn this week with Belarus, but it's important to note that they were 2-0 up until Low made wholesale substitutions in order to preserve squad fitness. Pre-tournament friendlies are no barometer of success and you certainly won't see six second half changes if Germany are two goals to the good against Poland on June 8.

Low is blessed with strength in depth throughout his squad, but the first thing you'll notice when you see them play is how close the defensive line pushes up to the strikers. He likes his team to squeeze together in the middle to constrict the opposition and encourage short passing. Playing such a tight 4-4-2 does increase the risk of being caught on the break, but with Jens Lehmann as a sweeper/goalkeeper, it certainly keeps life interesting. With the twin towers of Miroslav Klose and Kevin Kurayni up front, there's an understandable emphasis on getting crosses in from the flanks, but if that doesn't work, keep an eye out for Lukas Podolski. He may have fallen out of favour at Bayern Munich, but with 25 goals in 47 games, he's not to be under-estimated.

In the centre of the park, Michael Ballack and Torsten Frings make up one of the most disciplined midfield partnerships in the game, comfortably managing to read each others movements in a way that Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard can only dream of. Ballack has been in scintillating form for Chelsea since returning for a long-term injury and this could be his final international tournament, so expect some lung-busting performances from him. What better way for him to bow out than by lifting the trophy in Vienna?

Germany are strong in every department and they're coached by a man with a growing reputation. The tournament is being held on their southern borders which means a nice short journey for their fans and...well...they're Germany, aren't they? They'll float into the tournament with everyone else tipping France or Italy, they'll breeze through their group, winning all their games by two goals, they'll dispose of whoever pops up in the quarter-finals and then suddenly we'll all slap our foreheads in surprise and say, "Gargh! Never write off the Germans!"

It's what they do.

 

[Slipperduke]

Until the summer of 2004, it was taken as read that every international tournament would contain one team that stunned the world with their performances and then crashed out before they started making the experts look silly. One team to make us believe that anything was possible, before reminding us that it wasn’t at all and we were silly to dream. Then the Greeks came along and nothing has ever been the same since. Now it’s difficult to write any team off for fear that history will repeat itself.

With that in mind, I shall nevertheless boldly tempt fate and write off Greece on the simple, flat-earth logic that lightning doesn’t strike twice. I shall even state here and now, or there and yesterday if you read my Germany feature on Thursday, that the winners will be one of the usual suspects. However, if I’m pushed for a dark horse, I have to say that I do have a funny feeling about Turkey.

Astonishingly, the Turks haven’t been in international competition since coming third in the 2002 World Cup. After finishing second in their qualifying groups for Euro 2004 and the 2006 World Cup, they were forced into play-offs and lost both of them to Latvia and Switzerland respectively. They responded to that second defeat against the world’s most neutral country by having a huge brawl in front of the TV cameras, which should make life interesting when they meet again on June 11.

Legendary manager Fatih Terim loves an attacking midfielder, which is handy because he’s not exactly overwhelmed with strikers. He’s finally pulled the plug on Hakan Suker’s career which just leaves the exciting Nihat, a Villarreal star, as a potential lone striker. This should be fine as he has the work ethic of a shirehorse and seems quite content to forage away in La Liga when the situation demands it. He will find himself well-serviced by a midfield that could contain any combination of Newcastle’s Belozoglu Emre, Yildiray Basturk, Sanli Tuncay and our old friend Colin Kazim-Richards. There’s pace and flair in abundance, assuming that Mehmet Aurelio, who isn’t really Turkish, holds it together at the back and with a defence marshalled by the highly rated Gokhan Zan, there aren’t many weak spots. The only thing that concerns me is the fact that Terim’s favoured goalkeeper Demirel Volkan was absolutely appalling against Seville in the Champions League, but an injury means that he may play the superior veteran Rustu Recber, he of the famous black warpaint, instead.

Group A is relatively comfortable compared to some of the quagmires elsewhere, and Turkey have a real chance of pushing on to the next round. Portugal have some awesome players, but now that Pauleta has retired, they don’t have a top class striker. The Czech Republic are relying on a rusty Jan Koller and the abysmal Milan Baros, while Switzerland managed to lose to minnows England in a recent friendly and can therefore be discounted entirely.

You don’t need much to get the jump on your rivals in a tournament. Just a bit of luck, a bit of talent and the element of surprise. Turkey have all of this, some fanatical support and the added incentive of a chance for revenge in their second game against the host nation. If they can grab a point against Portugal on June 7, there’s nothing to stop them qualifying and then who can say what will happen in the later stages.

 

[Slipperduke]

For every 'golden generation' in football, there must be that sad decline when the stars of the last decade slowly dim. If there is enough talent to replace them, then the team will survive, but if the cupboard is bare, if there aren't any more galacticos to come through the ranks, abject humiliation awaits. The Czech Republic have, for so long, been everybody's favourite 'dark horse' that it's actually rather sad to see the way they enter Euro 2008. I hope it doesn't happen, but I think that they could come apart in quite spectacular fashion.

Coach Karel Bruckner almost quit last year when, after defeat to Germany, an undercover journalist managed to worm his way into Thomas Ujfalusi's hotel room where the defender was celebrating his 29th birthday with a number of team-mates and...erm...a number of call-girls. The media storm raged for weeks, but after lengthy consideration, Bruckner decided to stay on until the end of this tournament. He may well come to regret that decision.

He has at his disposal just one world class player and that's Petr Cech, who hasn't exactly had the greatest season of his career at Chelsea. In front of him lurks a defence that includes hapless Newcastle misfit David Rozenhal, a midfield bereft of Karel Poborsky, Patrik Berger, Thomas Rosicky and Pavel Nedved and a front-line of the ageing Jan Koller and the utterly implausible Milan Baros. It doesn't bode well.

For some reason far beyond my comprehension, Baros has managed to make a success of his international career. He has 31 goals to his name but, while they can't all be scrappy tap-ins from two yards out, I still don't understand how he does it. His total lack of positional awareness and guile makes him one of the worst strikers I've ever seen in the EPL and, from what I witnessed, he wasn't much more successful with Lyon. He has an infuriating habit of lowering his head and running into blind alleys and, assuming he doesn't have one of his 'dark days', Swiss defender Phillippe Senderos could pick him up and put him in his back pocket in the opening game.

With the aforementioned pantheon of midfield talent either injured or retired, Baros' service will most likely come from midfielder Marek Matejovsky who made such an impact on relegated Reading when he arrived in January that I doubt anyone has heard of him outside of the Madjeski Stadium. Thomas Galasek, at the grand old age of 35, will hold the fort behind him, but it's hardly enough to strike fear into the hearts of their rivals, is it?

Koller, also 35, has still got something to offer, or so it seemed when he scored twice against Lithuania last week, but aside from him and the Italian-based fullbacks Marek Jankulovski and Zdenek Grygera, there really isn't much to speak of in this team. If you're looking for an outsider with friendly odds then look at Turkey, look at Croatia, look at Greece even, but don't look here. With a dangerous opeing fixture against Switzerland on the first Saturday and then Portugal on the Wednesday, Bruckner's tournament could actually be over inside the first week.

 

[Napster]

guile makes him one of the worst strikers I've ever seen in the EPL and, from what I witnessed,
.

EPL? English version of the SPL?