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  1. Desert Shrimper

    Stupid Women

    I once told a secretary that the kebab that you see going round and round at 3am was actually an "Elephant's leg" which she 100% believed. She said "That is just so cruel and wrong....I think I'll have a burger next time instead." We kept it going for a while before one of the other secretaries...
  2. Better without Freddy,you're having a laugh

    My heart sank with the non-appearance of Freddy from the tunnel today.Now I know he has been much debated on this site in recent times, and according to the well informed good people of ShrimperZone our most successful stiker is allegedly an unfaithful,womanising,drunken,late for...
  3. DTS

    Drunken fights with your mates.

    Had a works do last night to celebrate the end of a very succesful first quarter. Made the school boy error of sending the big bird I work with to the bar first with orders of just get me a pint. She came back with a pint of Stella which was always going to be fatal. Now I work with a bloke...
  4. The Financial Cost Of Relegation

    unlike some of the idiots on here, who think for some reason we are going keep crowds of 7,000 despite the obvious reduction in away fans, the real truth is we will be lucky to get 5,000 a game next season, as again this team may just about finish 12th in the league, thats going to mean a...
  5. Winkle

    Give me gun...quick!!!

    I am writing this early simply because for the first time in all my years following the blues, I left 12 minutes before the game ended. Normally I dont post after games because on reflection defeats always seem hard to take at the time but today I saw my team raise the white flag on any chance...
  6. SamuraiBlue

    Remember Quantum Leap?

    So do you remember this show? A friend and I had a drunken conversation about this show a couple of months back and we asked the following question: If you "leaped" into the body of a professional athelete performing their chosen sport, what kind of sportman would you choose to look least like...
  7. Mr Gilbo

    For those that go to The Pink Toothbrush

    Not sure if you are aware, but a month ago my brother was challenged to wear his girlfriends pink PVC hotpants for a shift behind the bar. He agreed if people paid him, with the mony going to Break Through cancer which is a charity our Aunt supported before passing away earlier this year. He...
  8. Bielzibubz

    An open letter to Procter & Gamble

    This was posted on a site i visit quite regularly. Absolutely fekin hillarious and 100% genuine. AN OPEN LETTER TO MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their...
  9. Anyone got a spare southend v palace programme??

    Willing to pay handsomley for a copy. I got drunk and lost mine .... so you'd agree it's a worthy cause! Ed
  10. Uncle Leo

    Five go mad in Sunderland. Or have a few beers anyway...

    Here's a review of Saturday in Sunderland, courtesy of Statski.... I think when the fixtures came out at the start of the season the away day trip to Sunderland ranked high upon peoples away games to do. One hell of a way to go for 90 minutes of football but seeing The Shrimpers playing in a...
  11. TrueBlue

    Its Back!! True Blue Exclusive! Qpr Game!

    Its been a while since I propper TBTV Exclusive has graced Shrimper Zone but here now I have the Vids from the QPR game! I was quite drunk in this one so bare with me Kev features alot due to popular demand from the likes of 'Jokercomedyclub'! Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Many...
  12. DTS

    Worst injury sustained while wathcing Southend.

    Come on lads....Sure we have all either drunk too much or over celebrated a goal like it was the world cup finals and done yourself an injury. I think my worst one personally was after Rushen away a few years ago. I had been drinking like every other Southend fan in a pub called British Arms. I...
  13. The Maharajah of Hockley

    The OFFICAL rules of Shotgun

    Shamelessly stolen from another forum, but it's so true... :D