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  1. davewebbsbrain

    Any Solicitors on SZ

    I need some advice from a Solicitor regarding damage to my property. Basically there is a flat in my Cul de Sac that is owned but rented out and managed by a property company. Some work was done at the property over xmas to the fence and the front garden, which was concreted over. The concrete...
  2. Sponsor a Lawn Mower

    I have been asked by the Chairman of Great Wakering Rovers if I know anyone who could sponsor a sit-on lawn mower for this season. Any takers ?
  3. DTS


    Morning All, My wife has tasked me with the mission of getting us a Lawn mower this weekend. I know nothing about them at all. Prices seem to range from dirt cheap to well expensive. Has anyone got any hints as to what features I should be looking at? Have yoy got one you can recommend? Tks DtS
  4. Smiffy

    DJ needed Sun Aug 28th

    So I'm tying the knot on Sun 28th August at The Lawn in Rochford and need a decent DJ with all the gear, to spin some tunes (a nice genre mix) for the evening reception (approx 7pm-midnight) Anyone? Mates rates would be appreciated! Drop me a PM please. Ta muchly.
  5. Mad Cyril

    Badgers - Game, set and match?

    I came in from football last night and noticed the security light in my back garden was on. Looking through the patio doors I noticed a young badger strolling across my decking which probably explains the recent holes that have appeared in my lawn. Anyone know what I can do to get rid of them?
  6. Benfleet A1

    Kids Just Don't Know Their Born

    While having a wonder around the shop today it suddenly struck me just how little kids know of the real world and what they are missing out on. It started when my missus mentioned our niece and how it must cost her mum a fortune so she can wear all the clobber and make-up yet she hasn't two...

    How to start a fight

    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming...
  8. Aberdeen Shrimper

    No more Paving your front Garden With out permission

    As of next month you will need planning permission of to pave, slab or concrete your front garden. With an increase of people digging up the lawn and laying slabs or paving to park there cars on there is an increased concern over flooding. When there is a down poor, a lot of the water will...
  9. Uncle Leo

    Brand disloyalty

    Passing through Heathrow the other day, I saw a lot of adverts for that airline XL. First thought was - "That's the mob who sponsor those tossers West Ham" That then got me thinking - would I avoid putting business their way because of that? I'd certainly not be inclined to go to their website...
  10. callan

    Interview with a zoner part 5.

    Canvey shrimper is our latest interviewee known to some also as Harry, but back in the 70's when terrace violence was at its height he was known as Malcolm the Teapot, a name that would strike terror into opposition fans. Q. Share with us your experiences of the terrace violence that was so...
  11. shrimp and two veg

    Calling all petrolheads...

    The greatest show on earth descends onto the region that is West Sussex next weekend. Aptly named "The Festival of Speed",it showcases many varieties of motorsport disciplines and so much more.Lord March opens up his " back garden" that is Goodwood and let's screaming machinery such as F1...
  12. shrimper loz

    For all those mums out there!

    WHAT WE OWE OUR MOTHERS! 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME...
  13. Flinty

    The View from my Window at Work

    I actually have quiet a nice view from my window at work. I sit with Waltham Abbey to the right of me whcih is surrounded by a large tree in full bloom, a lawn that contains a number of daisys and a perimeter brick wall about 2ft high. The wall though has a number of cracks in but this merely...
  14. You're Hired, You're Fired

    Quite apart from the fact that my credit rating is lower than Montserrat's position in the FIFA rankings, I wouldn't want a mastercard due to my utter contempt for their current advertising campaign. Kids want PS3s, Prada phones, £300 plimsolls, so parents work their arses off and take on a...
  15. New B&Q

    ... open tomorrow and apart from the free Candy Floss, stilt walkers and face painters does anyone know what special opening offers are available ? I'm in need of a new Lawn Mower!
  16. Vange Shrimper

    Proud to be British?

    Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything...
  17. BoyWonder2

    Best Of British

    Best of British   Be very proud to be British Because:   Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.   Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy...
  18. Napster


    Searle signs on with Forest Green Searle will bring valuable experience to Forest Green Forest Green Rovers have brought experienced defender Damon Searle back to The Lawn for a second spell. Searle has agreed a deal until the end of the season after leaving Hornchurch following the...
  19. Suffolk Shrimper In Dorset

    My dog is called 'Shrimper'

    To pre-empt a few possible replies, I am not refering to two legged Tracey's and Sharon's, though have your fan if you like. Last year the family hound arrived - struggling to justify what I might shout in the local park without too much cause for embarasment and with early suggestions...
  20. Napster


    Spotted this week: Friday 16th July 2004 Southend Airport, 08:50: 1 Cuckoo (flew over Aviation Way). Paul Griggs (SOG). Thursday 15th July 2004 Battlesbridge, 09:15: 1 Little Egret (again in the pool where the new A130 crosses the Crouch). Paul Baker (SOG). Wednesday 14th July 2004 Benfleet...