Thorpe Groyney
Open your mind
This is what's appearing in an upcoming edition of the Basildon United programme. See if you can spot through the subtle clues the little known manager it refers to.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Arry Kneecaps, Cockney Coach Supreme[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]In the first of a brand new feature, saggy-faced Essex based England managerial legend Harry Kneecaps (Gordon Brasted Trophy Extra Preliminary Round Winner 1971) answers your questions to give you, the honest punter, an insight into how to make it big as a boss in the ESL, the Premier League, and beyond. All legit too. Honest guv. No questions asked mate. In readies.[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Dear 'Arry[/FONT][FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif],[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]I've recently taken over at a topsy turvy ESL side with a high turnover of managers and players. How do I get stability at the club?[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Yours,[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]BP (Basildon)[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]'Arry Replies[/FONT][FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif] [/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Easy, me 'ol china. You ring up the papers and blame the chairman, especially if he's a foreigner, and the old manager for the mess the club's in. You then bring in loads of new players and if you spawn a couple of decent results you take all the credit. If it starts going tits up again you ring the papers, and blame the chairman, old manager and current squad for the mess, saying you 'ad nothing to work with. The punters lap it up and you come out of the crap smelling of roses. Lovely jubbly![/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Ciao 'Arry,[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]I don't-a feel-a I'm-a proactive enough in bringing in-a new-a players. Wassa secret of-a the transfer market?[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Uncle Rico (Dullbridge)[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]'Arry Replies[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Easy me ol' apples'n'pears. You ring up the papers and say you definitely don't want the player. The next day you ring up the papers and say you don't want 'im but might make a bid if 'e's unsettled. The next day you ring up the papers and say you made a bid but it was turned down so that's the end of it. The next day you ring up the papers and say it definitely ain't happenin'. The next day you give the agent, the other club's chairman, the player, the papers and yourself “admin fees” from your chairman and hold a press conference. Easy innit! [/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Dear 'Arry,[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Can we have the number of the solicitor who got you off Scott free from that Pannyrana investigation where you took all those bungs as we've been caught with the economy down our pants.[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]G. Brown and A. Darling (Wesrtminster)[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]'Arry Replies[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]No comment. You got that son? No comment. You can't prove nothing. No. Bloody. Comment. You say a word and I'll send the boys round, right. It's knee cappin' time. Oi, Louise, get Jamie and bring the guns. They're on to us. Slaaags.[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Next week – 'Arry tells you how to bugger off sharpish before your team gets relegated.[/FONT]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Arry Kneecaps, Cockney Coach Supreme[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]In the first of a brand new feature, saggy-faced Essex based England managerial legend Harry Kneecaps (Gordon Brasted Trophy Extra Preliminary Round Winner 1971) answers your questions to give you, the honest punter, an insight into how to make it big as a boss in the ESL, the Premier League, and beyond. All legit too. Honest guv. No questions asked mate. In readies.[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Dear 'Arry[/FONT][FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif],[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]I've recently taken over at a topsy turvy ESL side with a high turnover of managers and players. How do I get stability at the club?[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Yours,[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]BP (Basildon)[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]'Arry Replies[/FONT][FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif] [/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Easy, me 'ol china. You ring up the papers and blame the chairman, especially if he's a foreigner, and the old manager for the mess the club's in. You then bring in loads of new players and if you spawn a couple of decent results you take all the credit. If it starts going tits up again you ring the papers, and blame the chairman, old manager and current squad for the mess, saying you 'ad nothing to work with. The punters lap it up and you come out of the crap smelling of roses. Lovely jubbly![/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Ciao 'Arry,[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]I don't-a feel-a I'm-a proactive enough in bringing in-a new-a players. Wassa secret of-a the transfer market?[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Uncle Rico (Dullbridge)[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]'Arry Replies[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Easy me ol' apples'n'pears. You ring up the papers and say you definitely don't want the player. The next day you ring up the papers and say you don't want 'im but might make a bid if 'e's unsettled. The next day you ring up the papers and say you made a bid but it was turned down so that's the end of it. The next day you ring up the papers and say it definitely ain't happenin'. The next day you give the agent, the other club's chairman, the player, the papers and yourself “admin fees” from your chairman and hold a press conference. Easy innit! [/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Dear 'Arry,[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Can we have the number of the solicitor who got you off Scott free from that Pannyrana investigation where you took all those bungs as we've been caught with the economy down our pants.[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]G. Brown and A. Darling (Wesrtminster)[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]'Arry Replies[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]No comment. You got that son? No comment. You can't prove nothing. No. Bloody. Comment. You say a word and I'll send the boys round, right. It's knee cappin' time. Oi, Louise, get Jamie and bring the guns. They're on to us. Slaaags.[/FONT]
[FONT=Liberation Serif, Times New Roman, serif]Next week – 'Arry tells you how to bugger off sharpish before your team gets relegated.[/FONT]
