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Coping with death

Sutton Who

First XI
Joined
Jan 3, 2011
Messages
407
Location
Coventry
Last October I lost my nan to parkinsons and alzhmiers. Today I found out that my uncle as only matter of days to live with multiple organ failure :'(

Can anyone point me in the right direction of someone I can speak to about it. All this happening in past 6 months as hit me hard
 

ibwiajwa

Coach
Joined
Oct 28, 2008
Messages
893
Location
Chelmsford
Hello Sutton Who,
Sorry to hear about your recent loss. The people that I know who are best at helping people to deal with this are local vicars/ministers. Failing that, I would suggest you try http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ who are experts in supporting the bereaved. They have a daytime helpline. I lost my dad to Louie Body dementia which is like a combination of parkinsons and alzheimers and it was horrible, so I have some idea what you are going through. You are welcome to private message me if you would like to talk it through. All the best.
 
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Cricko

Zone Owner ⭐
Staff member
Joined
Oct 25, 2006
Messages
31,901
Location
Leigh-On-Sea
I am sorry to hear of your Bereavement, life is a kick up the arse at times..Unfortunately this is life..The older I get the more of my past friends/relatives pass by..I think it is a case of, you have to rejoice the life they had and although you feel sad maybe they are in a better place.

There are no easy ways to adjust to a loss and depending on their effect on you in this life, we take a trail or lead from them onwards....that in itself should make you feel better.PM me if you need to.
 
Joined
Jul 12, 2005
Messages
22,733
Location
Canvey Island
...and there's not many here that are older than Cricko. Seriously though there's some good advice there. I've just had the 4th anniversary of my old mum passing away. At the time I found her vicar a great comfort to talk to, and luckily my/her family are pretty close so that was also a good safety net for me. I suggest the Samaritans can be a great comfort to talk to, and as Cricko has said if you want to PM then do so. SZ at times can be a bloody annoying place but you'll find at times like this that the SUFC / SZ family are all here to help.

Good luck mate.
 

BLUEBLOOD

Moderator of Moderators
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
16,223
Location
Southend On Sea
Sorry to hear this news, although only 40 i am the second oldest male Venus alive, behind my uncle who has Leukaemia, its a scary thought that i could one day be the eldest
 

osymandus

Life President
Joined
Jan 20, 2007
Messages
5,352
Location
Here there everywhere
My Dad Died last year so i know about he council-ling and berevment part . Like the rest PM me if you want , and you can also giving the council-ling a go , remember its what works for you . Can come from a friend , a professional or anyone with a good ear to listen.
 

Pubey

Guest
Another shout out to Cruse, I know some people who work for them and they do excellent work.
 

Rob Noxious

Retro Supremo⭐
Joined
Oct 23, 2008
Messages
7,381
Location
Penzance
Remember the good times, celebrate the qualities they left you and though you might find it hard to 'get over it,' you'll eventually get more used to it. :thumbsup:
 

Benfleet A1

Hector Of The House
Joined
Jan 19, 2007
Messages
8,339
Location
Slade Prison
Find a corner and have a good cry. Then dry your eyes and get on with your life. I'm being perfectly serious, it's the only way. If you rely on counciling then you will rely on it for the rest of your life. Why talk to a complete stranger who knows nothing about you or your lose. Deal with it and move on.
 

osymandus

Life President
Joined
Jan 20, 2007
Messages
5,352
Location
Here there everywhere
Find a corner and have a good cry. Then dry your eyes and get on with your life. I'm being perfectly serious, it's the only way. If you rely on counciling then you will rely on it for the rest of your life. Why talk to a complete stranger who knows nothing about you or your lose. Deal with it and move on.

It's one method , doesn't work for everyone mind , or we wouldn't have medical service. Bit like saying , cut your self (well its more of a ruptured artery really )its OK it will heal, if your say Wolverine (i.e fictional), most people slowly bleed their life blood away.

If you find yourself relying on counciling professionals will know this and treat you for that as well . Most long term help generally finish's around 2 years.
 

OldBlueLady

Junior Blues Coordinator⭐
Joined
Dec 27, 2007
Messages
48,092
Location
Benfleet
There's some very good advice on here, whatever you do decide to do you must make sure that you don't bottle up your grieving, or even your coping, process. As GHG says, it's best to let it out as I personally believe that you can't move on until you have so - it's an almost cathartic release. I do firmly believe though that we're dealt a hand in life that we're equipped to cope with, some people being stronger than others, karma and all that. Best wishes to you, and I hope you can find support that suits you from amongst the suggestions made on here.
 
Joined
Jul 12, 2005
Messages
22,733
Location
Canvey Island
Find a corner and have a good cry. Then dry your eyes and get on with your life. I'm being perfectly serious, it's the only way. If you rely on counciling then you will rely on it for the rest of your life. Why talk to a complete stranger who knows nothing about you or your lose. Deal with it and move on.

I can't argue with that and as OBL says it can be cathartic, but when I was dealing with my depression demons I found that talking to someone (a counsellor) who didn't know me was also helpful.
 

pickledseal

cowboy
Joined
Dec 6, 2004
Messages
4,933
Location
Upminster
As a Catholic, priests I have spoken to have always helped me deal with these things. However I know that is very much not everyone's cup of tea. There is some good stuff in the Bible - even for one who doesn't usually read it (or has never done before).
I ain't about to shove my beliefs down anyone's throat through, and hopefully by now you realise I am not a (total) fruitcake, but feel to PM.
 

Sutton Who

First XI
Joined
Jan 3, 2011
Messages
407
Location
Coventry
Thanks for all the advice guys :thumbsup:

It's just a waiting game now which is hitting me the hardest, I'll PM a couple of people I know
 

osymandus

Life President
Joined
Jan 20, 2007
Messages
5,352
Location
Here there everywhere
What? with more counciling.

No by stopping it . It's about what works for teh paitent , they not paid per person and normally very understaffed (having been cared for by Mind in Southend and Local NHS I can vouch for this).

It's what works for teh person and even private psychiatrists/psychologists i know ask people to leave if they are becoming addicted to the sessions.
 

BLUEBLOOD

Moderator of Moderators
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
16,223
Location
Southend On Sea
Sutton if its your uncles last days then cherish them, he may not even be aware you are about but maybe his conscience will hear you, i lost my dad last year, no warning no sign, he just went to bed and never woke up, i never had the chance to say i love you and goodbye and that still pains me
 

londonblue

Topgun Pilot
Joined
Feb 18, 2004
Messages
16,255
Sutton if its your uncles last days then cherish them, he may not even be aware you are about but maybe his conscience will hear you, i lost my dad last year, no warning no sign, he just went to bed and never woke up, i never had the chance to say i love you and goodbye and that still pains me

Which is why when my father-in-law died I persuaded my wife to convince her brother to say goodbye properly otherwise he would regret it for the rest of his life. My wife is nine years younger than her brother and even though she was 39 at the time, she still felt like his little sister, and never confronted him about anything. Giving her the courage to talk to him was hard, but it made a difference.

He spoke to his father, and told him everything he wanted to, and then thanked my wife for making him do it. I think it led to a change in their relationship aswell. She now feels more on a par with him.

I guess what i'm getting at, is make sure you say what you want, push yourself into it if you have to, you'll feel better for it in the end, and something mildly good may come from it.
 

Sutton Who

First XI
Joined
Jan 3, 2011
Messages
407
Location
Coventry
My Uncle is out in Spain and I can't afford to get out there to see him, my Aunt is recovering from cancer and lost her mum (my nan) in October. In 6 months she as lost 2 important people in her life. I really wish I could get out there :(
 
Joined
Oct 18, 2008
Messages
4,534
There are forums for getting lifts to places like france or spain,there are cheap fights of around £50/£60,if you want to go you can.
Alot of brits live in spain,go down to dover and hitch,unless you are 14/15 then dont.
 
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