Slipperduke
The Camden Cad
Rest assured, Jimmy Bullard's goalscoring celebrations will be the water-cooler topic of conversation this morning. Bright, funny and naughty. It was physical comedy at its best. But did the tousled cockney give a moment's thought to the floodgates that his finger-pointing may have poked open? I love Bullard, as I think anyone with a soul does, but the ripples from this weekend's mischief could spread far and wide. Thanks to him, we could be looking at the greatest proliferation of silly celebrations since those dark, drawn-out years after the 1994 World Cup.
For every well-timed Bullard manoeuver, there are ten horribly over-elaborate celebrations. Baby-rocking, group diving, boot polishing. Remember Aylesbury's waddling duck show? Yes, they were dark days indeed. Footballers never seem to be able to tell the difference between funny and self-indulgent. How execrable was that whole 'A' finger trend two seasons ago? Even Smashie and Nicey didn't mention their charitable work that much.
We liked Paul Gascoigne 'Dentist's Chair' because it was a satirical response to media hysteria. We don't like a full 60 seconds of group dance with accompanying hand-claps because it suggests that the players have been more focused on that than on their zonal marking drills. Nani's backflips are all well and good, though it might be nice if he spent that much time on crossing practice, but what about Robbie Keane's foward rolls? Rubbish. Especially as they always end with a haunting machine gun attack on the crowd. What's he trying to say with that?
What was the finest celebration of all time? Simple. Eric Cantona against Sunderland in 1996. He chipped the goalkeeper from the edge of the box and then just stood still, chest puffed out, ******* up the adoration of the masses like a returning monarch. There's no amount of choreography that can conjure up anything cooler than that. Is it too much to hope for that we get a bit more genuine charisma and a bit less of the contrived skit? Damn you, Bullard. What have you gone and started?
QUOTE - "My analysis guy showed me it on the laptop when we got into the changing room. I couldn't deliver my address because I was laughing so much. - Hmmm...methinks Phil Brown doth protest too much.
For every well-timed Bullard manoeuver, there are ten horribly over-elaborate celebrations. Baby-rocking, group diving, boot polishing. Remember Aylesbury's waddling duck show? Yes, they were dark days indeed. Footballers never seem to be able to tell the difference between funny and self-indulgent. How execrable was that whole 'A' finger trend two seasons ago? Even Smashie and Nicey didn't mention their charitable work that much.
We liked Paul Gascoigne 'Dentist's Chair' because it was a satirical response to media hysteria. We don't like a full 60 seconds of group dance with accompanying hand-claps because it suggests that the players have been more focused on that than on their zonal marking drills. Nani's backflips are all well and good, though it might be nice if he spent that much time on crossing practice, but what about Robbie Keane's foward rolls? Rubbish. Especially as they always end with a haunting machine gun attack on the crowd. What's he trying to say with that?
What was the finest celebration of all time? Simple. Eric Cantona against Sunderland in 1996. He chipped the goalkeeper from the edge of the box and then just stood still, chest puffed out, ******* up the adoration of the masses like a returning monarch. There's no amount of choreography that can conjure up anything cooler than that. Is it too much to hope for that we get a bit more genuine charisma and a bit less of the contrived skit? Damn you, Bullard. What have you gone and started?
QUOTE - "My analysis guy showed me it on the laptop when we got into the changing room. I couldn't deliver my address because I was laughing so much. - Hmmm...methinks Phil Brown doth protest too much.
