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seany t

President
Joined
May 11, 2006
Messages
3,566
In recent months, I've come to realise that I have absolutely no idea what I want out of life. Around me, several of my very best friends are doing the unthinkable and crafting lives and careers out for themselves, some even going so far as moving to the other side of the world to avoid having to play me at Pro Evo.

The thing is, I've just always presumed that they'd always be around about where I live too and available to play pool, watch football with, etc whenever necessary. But I think this week I've realised this won't sadly be the hyperreal actuality, with one moving to Scotland imminently and one off to Oz perhaps forever this weekend. Sure we'll stay in touch, but our fortnightly trips to the pub are now going to be relegated to annual events, if that.

There are things I know I have to do; move jobs, save some money, start dealing with my green eyed envy of other people's lives - but what I can't understand is how they've all dedicated themselves so single-mindedly to a cause; whether it be marriage, emigrating, children, etc, they've all decided that things like playing football, Southend United, computer games, gigs, nights out, living in London etc are nice "extras" in life but superfluous to it - whereas for me, they still largely make up what I want life to actually be.

Do any of you guys know what I'm talking about? I always thought I was a fairly selfless person, but as the hour cometh I'm finding myself retreating more and more into a downward spiral of nostalgia and longing to prolong my youth, albeit without the leather trousers. It's not that I don't want kids, a house, etc I just don't want to have to give up going out, the prospect of travelling and an enjoyable social life to do so...

Did any of you guys go through similar phases, or indeed find yourself in the same boat?

Right, I'm going to cheer myself up by watching the Transformers trailer again...
 
Yes mate, mine happened when I hit 25.
I joke now that is was due to having to tick the next box on surveys (25-34 compared to 18-24) but in all honesty it was because after uni my life had no direction, my relationships were always a joke and (being a lazy fecker) I had no drive to achieve anything (other than being the best I could be at cycling - I did almost get on the National Squad) or any sense of direction in what I wanted to do in terms of a career.

You may not have the funds but if I could go back 9 years I'd go down the "if you can't beat them, join them route" and say sod everything and head over to Ibiza or somewhere to work in a bar for the summer while getting my head straight!

Out of interest, your mate who's moving to Scotland, whereabouts & is he a Shrimper? Me & Tom (A Century United) are always looking for further recruits to the Scottish Shrimpers!
 
As I have grown up (21 today :D ) I have made new friends and lost contact with old friends. My biggest upset is of recent, is my best mate leaving me to move to Norwich. Like yourself its a long old trip to go to the pub! Ok Its not that far but I can't really afford to go up there every weekend.

Upsetting mate but hey life goes on.
 
As I have grown up (21 today :D ) I have made new friends and lost contact with old friends. My biggest upset is of recent, is my best mate leaving me to move to Norwich. Like yourself its a long old trip to go to the pub! Ok Its not that far but I can't really afford to go up there every weekend.

Upsetting mate but hey life goes on.

Happy Birthday Ricey!
Norwich ain't too far, especially if you're now based at Stansted (75 mins up the M & A11)
 
Unfortunately, all these lovely things in life take a back seat once wife and kids arrive..Once the kids reach an age where they can be left alone and not be so much of a drain on funds, as well as your mortgage is either paid off or low, you can do all the nice things in life again.

The later you leave it, the harder it will be for you later..Accept the inevitable.
 
Happy Birthday Ricey!
Norwich ain't too far, especially if you're now based at Stansted (75 mins up the M & A11)

Cheers Mate

Not based at Stansted anymore work at Southend Aiport now (Fire Fighter :D ). Its just not the same its upsetting that I can't pick up my phone send a simple text 'pub?' then go down the pub. The thing is his misses lives in Norwich so he is going for mainly that reason 'I assume'. Now she wouldn't move down here for him but at the snap of her fingers he is moving for her. (Got no problem with her lovely Girl) He just doesn't know how to say No.
 
Out of interest, your mate who's moving to Scotland, whereabouts & is he a Shrimper? Me & Tom (A Century United) are always looking for further recruits to the Scottish Shrimpers!

He's not no, he's a Chelsea fan. The Oz guy is though, so if any Sydney based Southend fans want a shoulder to cry on come May...

How do you deal with being a Shrimper miles from the ground? I feel lost not going to as many games as I'd like, so surely for you guys its even harder?

As for growing up, I think I'm actually doing it a lot more than I'm making out in my post. I have a great relationship, nice way of life and the basis is all there for the future - I just need to stop worrying about what could be and start prioritising what should be. Cheers for the thoughts though people, in what is undoubtedly the most self indulgent internet-based thing I've ever done in my life...

Well, to date anyway...
 
I am in the same boat mate.

Having only really had one long long term bird which ended a few months ago (Give or take a mad lap dancer bird from Croydon but thats another story) I have pretty much done what I wanted to do.

Trips away witht he lads, Weekenders watchign the blues, every other night on the p1ss. In comparison a few of my mates have basically sat at home and watched TV with there birds.

As you get older I think things do change. For example a few years ago unless the lads and I went out chatting up birds it would not be a good night. Now a days a good night is a few of us out down our local and a cheeky chicken kebab on the way home.

I am sure you like I have met 50 birds that you could have settled down with if you really wanted too but if your not feeling it then what is the point. You will end up in a loveless marrage and end up resenting the person/ cheating ect etc.

My personal view is if you are happy enough with what you are doing in life then do it. Assuming you are say late 20's and live to say 80 then you have 50/60 years to have a wife/kids and sit at home watching Britains got talent.

Enjoy it now mate. All those mates that are settled down with kids will be envious of you in the same way you are of them.

When you have had enough of being a lad then you will i am sure meet the right person and want to settle down. Until then make the most of your freedom.

DtS
 
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I have and always will keep in touch with my the group of my closest pals that i've grown up with since school, out of a group of around 20 that used to always go down the pub and play footie and smoking the occasional illegal things:angel: , most of them end up moving home or settling down and generally leading busy lives or not being let out by there missus !!!

By the time i got to 26 it was just the singletons that would always be out and about still drinking and clubbing ' trying to pull the ladies'.

But now that we are all nearing or 30's all Mortgaged up there are only a handful of the singletons left who go out most nights, so i try and meet up once a week down the boozer and have a laugh, and the Missus is cool with that which is a touch.

Also i have played Football for loads of teams over the years ( steve claridgesque) and always have a beer or 5 after the game on sat or sunday, so as long as you still play football , work at a company who have some good lads that work there then you will not be short of bods to get drunk with
 
Tell me about it, I'm losing drinking partners left, right and centre.

One of my best mates had his leaving do on Saturday. He's off round the world for a year. He was the last reliable drinking partner I had in London. The mate I first knew this guy through didn't even bother making it out for his leaving do, which is shocking considering how often us three use to go out for a beer and a curry. He got married about a year ago, and has barely been seen since. That's now an all too familiar tale.

Those who aren't married/under the thumb have moved away. In the last 18 months or so, of my good mates I've had one move to Bristol, one to Manchester, one back to Australia, two to Hong Kong and now two go round the world. People move on, and it means I've got some good places to visit, but what really depresses me is those couples who don't ever go out. You don't have to go to the pub every night, go out for a meal, go to the cinema, go to some friends, just don't come home from work every night and sit in front of the TV.
 
I'm really not much of a lad - if anything, I'm a polar opposite of that so I don't think this necessarily comes from a wanting to go out on the pull kind of thing or get drunk every night at all, despite my initial fears to the contrary. Its nice to have a drink I'd admit and I'll always do that, but I think this is more to do with just refusing to say goodbye to a way of life I've always been comfortable with, but that I'm now clinging to for fear of change. I've been in the same job 6 years, same relationship over 5, but I can see everyone else is moving on, and I desperately don't want to be still living like a kid in 5 years time.

Its just that these guys make me laugh so much, and are easy to beat at poker, so it'll be hard training up the missus to be as funny or unlucky at cards. I know we'll stay in touch, and ultimately kids or a new house will replace some of that loss, but I guess last night signified the end of an era i guess - potentially (and in all probability) forever...
 
In other news, the Simian Mobile Disco album is very good, so that cheered me up!
 
I'm really not much of a lad - if anything, I'm a polar opposite of that so I don't think this necessarily comes from a wanting to go out on the pull kind of thing or get drunk every night at all, despite my initial fears to the contrary. Its nice to have a drink I'd admit and I'll always do that, but I think this is more to do with just refusing to say goodbye to a way of life I've always been comfortable with, but that I'm now clinging to for fear of change. I've been in the same job 6 years, same relationship over 5, but I can see everyone else is moving on, and I desperately don't want to be still living like a kid in 5 years time.

Its just that these guys make me laugh so much, and are easy to beat at poker, so it'll be hard training up the missus to be as funny or unlucky at cards. I know we'll stay in touch, and ultimately kids or a new house will replace some of that loss, but I guess last night signified the end of an era i guess - potentially (and in all probability) forever...

Change is not always a bad thing, it is a way of life. You are obviously happy in your relationship I am sure you have built up something good after 5 years....maybe change your job if you arent happy in it? Keep the things that make you happy and change the things that dont.....

A change in job may bring new friendships aswell, it obviously wont replace the ones you "lost" so to speak but it will certainly go some way into making up for it. Its amazing how much a change of job can actually change your whole outlook on life. If you work in a happy environment with good people it will certainly have a good effect in other areas of your life.

Make an effort to stay in touch with your friends and if nothing else you will have some nice trips to see them once in a while. Having good mates is so important in life as they are irreplacable, and they provide a healthy balance between relationship with partner. Although as time goes on, your friends wont always be the first thing you think of every weekend, sure you will still want to see them and they will still be important to you but you have to make your own life aswell and fit them in around it as much as possible. Think marriage and kids is something most people want from life, as long as you have enjoyed everything up to that point I dont think you can wrong really.
 
A change in job may bring new friendships aswell, it obviously wont replace the ones you "lost" so to speak but it will certainly go some way into making up for it. Its amazing how much a change of job can actually change your whole outlook on life. If you work in a happy environment with good people it will certainly have a good effect in other areas of your life.

Cheers, sound advice there. I made a vow to move jobs within 3 months last night, and I'm going to stick to that. I work at a really sociable, good company with people I love to bits, and do good stuff, but i think a new challenge might shake me out of this self-doubting thing thats been nagging at me. 6 years is a long while isn't it?
 
Yes 6 years is a long time I suppose although that wouldnt be a reason to move jobs...however, if you feel like you need something new and challenging then a new job could be the way forward - like I said your job can have a bigger effect on life than most people think. 3 month plan sounds like the way forward - good luck with it!
 
I am sure you like I have met 50 birds that you could have settled down with if you really wanted too but if your not feeling it then what is the point. You will end up in a loveless marrage and end up resenting the person/ cheating ect etc.

My personal view is if you are happy enough with what you are doing in life then do it. Assuming you are say late 20's and live to say 80 then you have 50/60 years to have a wife/kids and sit at home watching Britains got talent.

Enjoy it now mate. All those mates that are settled down with kids will be envious of you in the same way you are of them.

When you have had enough of being a lad then you will i am sure meet the right person and want to settle down. Until then make the most of your freedom.

DtS

Absolutely top post Dave. Couldn't agree more! I'm not really one for sticking in relationships if there's no long term point. Good fun for a month or two, but hit it on the head before it gets serious in my view if there's no long term point to it anyway!

Exactly on the things doing while young too. I'd always wanted to live abroad and it was one of my aims, wanted to do it while I was young free and single before I settled down. Sounds like the opposite reasons for why Sean's mates are doing it though! I'd pretty much describe myself as a proper lad-ish type of guy, as in could live with 'footy, booze and birds' so to speak, which is why it was hard in to move away from home initially, but once adapted you pick up on better things. There's things now here, that I'll miss when I come back to the UK! SUFC was another tough one, but I knew if I took 2/3 years out to come here, I'll have completed a long ambition of mine and the footy will still be there when I get back. However, working a couple of years abroad while 'young, free and single' would definitely not have been there forever though!

I love it out here, but I also believe there's still a helluva lot of lads nights out left in me when I return home, before I feel there's any need to become 'one of them'...
 
He's not no, he's a Chelsea fan. The Oz guy is though, so if any Sydney based Southend fans want a shoulder to cry on come May...

How do you deal with being a Shrimper miles from the ground? I feel lost not going to as many games as I'd like, so surely for you guys its even harder?

As for growing up, I think I'm actually doing it a lot more than I'm making out in my post. I have a great relationship, nice way of life and the basis is all there for the future - I just need to stop worrying about what could be and start prioritising what should be. Cheers for the thoughts though people, in what is undoubtedly the most self indulgent internet-based thing I've ever done in my life...

Well, to date anyway...

He'll fit in well then up here, loads of plastic Chelsea fans coming out of the woodwork with all their success (think there's some kind of link between the Chelsea & Rangers firms).

It's hard being an exile, although it could be a whole lot worse, I try to get to 7 or 8 away matches a year and always make at least one pilgrammage back to Roots Hall. I do miss not being able to get up on a Saturday & decide to just head down for the game but the extra planning needed makes it all worthwhile if you get results like I did at Preston & Ipswich last season (although on the flip side it can be probably even more of a knock if it's a bad away-day, just ask YB what I was like after Hillsborough last season!)

From your last paragraph & subsequent postings you sound like you're halfway there! Keep smiling (like your idea about going for a new challenge in terms of work)!!!
 
If your 25 ,35 seems old .. If your 35 , 45 seems old if your 16 16 1/2 seems old.. when your 35 you will look back at your twenties and think What was I soo worried about .. when your 45 you will look back at your thirties and think, why did I waste time worrying about life passing me by.. When you are 16 1/2 you will look back at when you where 16 and think bloody hell i used to **** a lot
 
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