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Benfleet A1

Hector Of The House
Jan 19, 2007
Slade Prison
For the last two weeks I have been lurking in Cornwall with the wife and kids. Now for someone who has been going down that neck of the woods for 30+ years you might have thought I would have pretty much covered the lot but nope, I doubt I have even scratched the surface. One of the places I never seemed to get to was Penzance. Actually that isn't entirely true because many years ago I run a pub in Plymouth and went to a managers day out. We visited the Redruth Brewery and ended up back in Sidmouth, Devon very drunk and full of steak courtesy of the pub we plotted up in. I somehow ended up back in Exeter waiting for the last train to Plymouth, stumbled aboard, fell asleep and awoke at the last stop, Penzance at stupid o'clock in the morning severly hungover and miles from home. A kindly BR guard pointed me in the direction of the next train out where I duly crashed out in until I finally rolled back into Plymouth the following morning still feeling the worst for wear so technically I had been to Penzance but hadn't sampled it's delights.

So Wednesday last we headed down to the wild west of Cornwall under the pretence that we would go where we ended up but I was keen to visit the place both sober and in daylight. We arrived, parked down by the Habour opposite a shopping mall, threw the usual paddy at the outrageous parking charges and went off to explore. My wifes idea of exploring is slightly different to mine so she headed for the shops known to all while I dragged the kids off to have a mooch at the little cubby hole shops where you had a chance of finding something a little bit more original, a little bit more Cornwall, a little bit more expensive. If you have never been to Penzance then I suggest you go. I found one street sloping up a hill which when you got to the top and looked back it looked like every builder in Cornwall had had a stab at designing a building with varioring results. I loved it, not one building the same, a right mess, real charactor.

As we were heading back towards the car I had one of my caffine cravings so we decided to hit the local Costa which I can rarely walk past at the best of times. Now on the way down I had mentioned to the missus that I talked on occasion to a chap who lived in Penzance. I explained that he was an exiled Southend fan (que wifes eyes glazing over, loosening seatbelt and getting ready to throw herself out of the car at high speed) worked in the Health Service, was a DJ, loved his music and sounded like a all round good egg. I said it would be nice to meet him one day as he struck me as a real nice guy. Anyway, sitting outside Costa Coffee were two gents, spinning the poo and minding their own business. One of them caught my eye. Something in the back of my mind said I was looking at Mr Rob Noxious. I don't approach people normally and ask them stupid questions while they are drinking coffee with a pal so I hung back a bit. I went into the shop and ordered caffine just as his mate went the loo, but as the staff were on a go-slow I missed my chance to see if it was he as his mate came back out, they said their good-byes and went their seperate ways before my order had even been taken.

So I ask this of Mr Noxious, was that you I spied that Wednesday afternoon in Costa Coffee, Penzance. Was that you sitting outside in a blue checked shirt and trilby hat. Greying beard and ample tum but looking rather rude in health if I may say so. Be assured that my new work Rigger Boot is poised and ready to kick me if it was you cause buggered if I'm popping back down for beer this time of night.