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Dont answer the door.. ever.. Its either the Post (get it later) the Old Bill (you donrt want to know) or some Zealot
 
I think some people here get too easily wound up. Just chill out and say, no I'm not interested.

BORING!!!!

Do you not realise the fun that can be had? Funnily enough I don't get them where I live in Colchester, but the next time I'm in South Essex and they come knocking, I can't wait. I'm going to invite them in, give them a cup of tea, look interested, and then show them my holiday pics ;) from last year. I just hope I have a camera as well! :D
 
I know their religion tries to completely denounce Jesus Christ from the 'christian' faith but kids don't send christmas cards because they are christians, or to spread the christmas message, but just as an act of kindness and then surely being kind and accepting the gift is what most religions would teach!? argh!!

I believe you may already be a fan of (or an easy convert to) my own particular method for relieving myself of these annoying individuals.

"JESUS CHRIST! Not you lot again..."

Tends to do the trick fairly well most of the time.
If not...

"Okay, hurry up because I need to finish my Christmas shopping. Christmas is great, isn't it? All those presents and stuff?"

:thump:


Should there be any Shrimper JWs reading this, it's largely tongue-in-cheek, but if you knock on my door, I'd rather we talk about the football.
 
BORING!!!!

Do you not realise the fun that can be had? Funnily enough I don't get them where I live in Colchester, but the next time I'm in South Essex and they come knocking, I can't wait. I'm going to invite them in, give them a cup of tea, look interested, and then show them my holiday pics ;) from last year. I just hope I have a camera as well! :D


Chadded has the idea. JW's are great sport.

Here is the Grouty guide to dealing with cold calling fruit loops.

1. Invite them in. Puts them straight on the back foot as they are more used to doors being slammed in their faces.

2. I reconmend having a bible in the house. If you get them in. Put the kettle on and bring the tray in with your chosen version of the bible next to the Rich Tea. Sit down and ask them to 'Fire Away' All bibles are more or less the same so you can look up what they are saying and slip in the little differences. King James I version is great for this especially when it's Catholics of JW's.

3. If you really don't want JW's in the house then just say ' can you be quick, im off to give blood' then see if you can count to 5 before their back on the pavement. My best was 4 seconds but one of them had dropped his bundle of Watchtower, usually they are 500 yards down the road in under 3 seconds.

4. The best way to get a rise out of Mormans is to invite them in (they will come in, trust me) offer them tea, coffee or coke (they wont touch it) and put a little background music on. Modern music is not allowed while mormans are doing their 3 year stint on the missionary trail. I suggest Guns N Roses as any Morman worth his salt would murder Axel Rose on sight after wearing that Jesus on the Cross tee- shirt a few years ago. Sends them mental.

5. Staying with Mormans, they believe that the leader of their church talks irectly to God and recives guidence through pray and worship. Ask, if this is the case, who's going to win the 3.15 at Chepstow, a great reaction is gararnteed.

6. Ask JW's what God's paradise is really like. Let them give you all the spill then ask how do thet know, have you known anyone who has been there and gave a little inside knowledge? Gives them the right hump. Also ask what you can do once in paradise eg: smoke, drink, fornicate that sort of thing. Makes then squirm lovely.

Of course, if you are busy and don't what them hanging around then a 'Not today thak you' normally suffices but JW's can be a bit pushy so I would suggest the more direct approach..........

PI$$ OFF




Have fun
 
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I'm not a big lad and these bloke had to be over or aroung 6 foot after saying no several time you begin to get a bit intimidated

As far as i know, they, like the Plymouth Brethren (another bunch of wierdos) dont believe in violence, so give em a right hander and show them it does exist.
 
*I have little knowledge about Jehovah's witnesses and do not have any problems with the religion itself its just the way they try to force you into joining, its just not right IMO
It's not about forcing. No-one is forced per se to join their particular religious sect. You can't just "join" there and then on your doorstep; you would have to go through a series of inductions in order to prepare yourself for complete adherence to the sect.
 
I agree fully. They are ****ers. Why the hell do I want to be told on my doorstep where I am going wrong and all about religion. No worries what people want to believe in there own homes but dont you dare come to my place spouting religon at me. Scummers.

Says the man who has "English by the grace of GOD" on his signature! Baaaa! Baaaa! Sheep! Sheep!

;)
 
How ridiculed this man was those few years ago.

How right some of his statements have become.

Who's mad now?

I know, believing that Earth is ruled by an elite class of reptilian shape-shifters doesn't sound so mad these days does it?
 
Jehovah's witnesses are cheap arses look at it this way they don't believe in **** all i.e Xmas birthdays drugs etc all but you look at it they just don't want to spend there money so being a Jehovah's witnesses is the best way to go saves money i guess! what aload of bollocks to be a Jehovah's witnesses
 
A mate of mine has recently completed the Alpha Course and he's a totally changed person. Some for the good I must say, but an awful lot of his natural charm and exuberance have disappeared and he seems a lot more earnest in his views.

Got coerced into going on an Alpha course with the ex-bint (at her behest, of course). Managed to get thrown off it in week four as apparently I was a bit of a lost cause and "not receptive enough to the ideas of others". Which I found odd, as I happily sat through every video/discussion etc. of theirs before engaging in considered debate afterwards. The fact that I presented an alternative point of view despite seeing these 'truths' seemed to flummox them, and I happily spent the remainder of the evening in the pub, watching the football. Ah football....now that's a religion. :finger:
 
Got coerced into going on an Alpha course with the ex-bint (at her behest, of course). Managed to get thrown off it in week four as apparently I was a bit of a lost cause and "not receptive enough to the ideas of others". Which I found odd, as I happily sat through every video/discussion etc. of theirs before engaging in considered debate afterwards. The fact that I presented an alternative point of view despite seeing these 'truths' seemed to flummox them, and I happily spent the remainder of the evening in the pub, watching the football. Ah football....now that's a religion. :finger:

Therein lies the problem with debating with the vast majority of religious people. Suggesting through reasonable and courteous means that their whole belief structure is completely flawed is just too much for them to take...and perhaps it's easy to understand why.
 
Hope I don't get slaughtered for this but... I am a Christian and a Southend supporter!
I'd like to add the following points to the discussion as food for thought:
1) When Jesus Christ was around the people he criticized most were religious leaders - for their hypocrisy. The people he seemed to mix with most were those regared as 'sinners' by the religious establishment.
2) Being a Christian shouldn't be about thinking I'm a good person or I'm better than others. The starting point to it is recognising I'm not a good person as measured against God's standards
3) Christians do have a responsibility (and a right in a free country)to share their beliefs when the opportunity arises (I am doing this now!) - though not to force their views down other peoples' throats.
Hope this helps... Oh well, back to the Monastery.:D
 
There's nothing wrong with being a Christian. As long as people realise that going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic...
 
There's nothing wrong with being a Christian. As long as people realise that going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic...

Equally true that going to McDonalds doesn't make you a hamburger.
 
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