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Matt the Shrimp

aka Harry Potter
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
19,929
Location
Lewisham, London
The following are ACTUAL answers given by contestants on "Family Fortunes"
   
    Name something a blind person might use - a sword
    Name a song with moon in the title - Blue Suede Moon.
    Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell
    Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar.      
    Name a famous brother and sister - Bonnie & Clyde
    Name a dangerous race - The Arabs
    Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers - A horse
    Name something that floats in the bath - Water
    Name something you wear on the beach - A deckchair.
    Name something Red - My cardigan
    Name a famous cowboy - Buck Rogers
    Name a famous royal - Mail
    Name a number you have to memorize - 7
    Name something you do before going to bed - Sleep
    Name something you put on walls - Roofs
    Name something in the garden that's green - Shed
    Name something that flies that doesn't have an engine - A bicycle with wings
    Name something you might be allergic to - Skiing
    Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters
    Name something a cat does - Goes to the toilet
    Name something you do in the bathroom - Decorate
    Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog
    Name something associated with the police - Pigs
    Name a sign of the zodiac - April
    Name something slippery - A conman
    Name a kind of ache - Fillet 'O' Fish
    Name a food that can be brown or white - Potato
    Name a jacket potato topping -  Jam
    Name a famous Scotsman - Jock
    Name another famous Scotsman - Vinnie Jones
    Name something with a hole in it -  Window
    Name a non-living object with legs - Plant
    Name a domestic animal - Leopard
    Name a part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee
    Name a way of cooking fish - Cod
    Name something you open other than a door - Your bowels

That last one is priceless...

laugh.gif
 

hexagon_sun

Manager
Joined
May 5, 2005
Messages
1,909
Brilliant - I've got the whole episode with the famous "turkey" incident on tape and still dig it out regularly
smile.gif
 
Joined
Jul 12, 2005
Messages
22,733
Location
Canvey Island
Which brings to the story of the contestants on the old game show Mr & Mrs.

Husband & wife are greeted by the slimy host, and the husband opts to answer the 3 questions for 20k and a holiday first.

Question 1. "What is your favourite holiday destination?"
Husband. "Barbados for our honeymoon"

Question 2. "What is your favourite meal?"
Husband. "Fillet Steak, medium/rare and all the trimmings"

Question 3. "Where is the most unusual place you have had sex"
Husband. "On a desterted beach in Barbados, by moonlight on our honeymoon"

The wife is wheeled out to answer the same questions. "Answer all 3 questions correctly and you win the deram all expenses paid holiday to the Seychelles, plus 20k"

"Ok" says the wife.

Question 1 "What is your favourite holiday destination?"
Wife. "Barbados" - Correct

Question 2. What is hubbys favourite meal?
Wife. "Fillet steak, medium/rare with all the trimmings" - correcc

Question3. "Where is the most unusual place you have had sex?"
Wife. "I can't tell you that"
Host. "Why not?
Wife. "It's embarrassing"
Host "Your husband told us"
Wife. "No, i can't"
Host. "Think of the Seychelles and the 20k"
Wife. "Ok - up the arse"

Hope there isn't a queue in the cloakroom, as i pause for my coat.
 
Joined
Feb 17, 2004
Messages
19,752
Location
G69
[b said:
Quote[/b] (canveyshrimper @ Feb. 10 2006,09:35)]Which brings to the story of the contestants on the old game show Mr & Mrs.

Husband & wife are greeted by the slimy host, and the husband opts to answer the 3 questions for 20k and a holiday first.

Question 1. "What is your favourite holiday destination?"
Husband. "Barbados for our honeymoon"

Question 2. "What is your favourite meal?"
Husband. "Fillet Steak, medium/rare and all the trimmings"

Question 3. "Where is the most unusual place you have had sex"
Husband. "On a desterted beach in Barbados, by moonlight on our honeymoon"

The wife is wheeled out to answer the same questions. "Answer all 3 questions correctly and you win the deram all expenses paid holiday to the Seychelles, plus 20k"

"Ok" says the wife.

Question 1 "What is your favourite holiday destination?"
Wife. "Barbados" - Correct

Question 2. What is hubbys favourite meal?
Wife. "Fillet steak, medium/rare with all the trimmings" - correcc

Question3. "Where is the most unusual place you have had sex?"
Wife. "I can't tell you that"
Host. "Why not?
Wife. "It's embarrassing"
Host "Your husband told us"
Wife. "No, i can't"
Host. "Think of the Seychelles and the 20k"
Wife. "Ok - up the arse"

Hope there isn't a queue in the cloakroom, as i pause for my coat.
Was this not an actual telephone competition on a radio station in Australia somewhere & not the Mr & Mrs TV Show?

Still funny though
tounge.gif
 

Guest

Guest
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Matt the Shrimp @ Feb. 09 2006,16:51)]The following are ACTUAL answers given by contestants on "Family Fortunes"

Name something a blind person might use - a sword
Name a song with moon in the title - Blue Suede Moon.
Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell
Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar.
Name a famous brother and sister - Bonnie & Clyde
Name a dangerous race - The Arabs
Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers - A horse
Name something that floats in the bath - Water
Name something you wear on the beach - A deckchair.
Name something Red - My cardigan
Name a famous cowboy - Buck Rogers
Name a famous royal - Mail
Name a number you have to memorize - 7
Name something you do before going to bed - Sleep
Name something you put on walls - Roofs
Name something in the garden that's green - Shed
Name something that flies that doesn't have an engine - A bicycle with wings
Name something you might be allergic to - Skiing
Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters
Name something a cat does - Goes to the toilet
Name something you do in the bathroom - Decorate
Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog
Name something associated with the police - Pigs
Name a sign of the zodiac - April
Name something slippery - A conman
Name a kind of ache - Fillet 'O' Fish
Name a food that can be brown or white - Potato
Name a jacket potato topping - Jam
Name a famous Scotsman - Jock
Name another famous Scotsman - Vinnie Jones
Name something with a hole in it - Window
Name a non-living object with legs - Plant
Name a domestic animal - Leopard
Name a part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee
Name a way of cooking fish - Cod
Name something you open other than a door - Your bowels

That last one is priceless...

laugh.gif
laugh.gif


Makes you wonder where they get their contestants from...!
 

RobM.

Manager
Joined
Oct 31, 2003
Messages
1,186
Location
Corringham
From 'Blockbusters'...

Which K is the German word for broken? Buzz..."Knackered!"
Whick K is a bird of prey? Buzz..."Hawk"
Which K is a holy book? Buzz, "Karma Sutra"
 

SUFCFARAWAY

Guest
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?

THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?

Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!

NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?

RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.

THIS MORNING
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera. True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show,so I'll give you that.

BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four

BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?

DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
 

Napster

The Horse with no Name⭐
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
35,429
Location
The wilds of Kent
[b said:
Quote[/b] (SUFCFARAWAY @ Feb. 10 2006,13:14)]BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
To be fair, It was only 4 days between Egypt and Israel
 

Matt the Shrimp

aka Harry Potter
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
19,929
Location
Lewisham, London
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Napster @ Feb. 10 2006,13:18)]
[b said:
Quote[/b] (SUFCFARAWAY @ Feb. 10 2006,13:14)]BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
To be fair, It was only 4 days between Egypt and Israel
You can never rely on people who give wars a name related to lengths of time to get it right...

tounge.gif


E.g. "The Hundred Years War" lasted 116 years
"The Thirty Years War" lasted 29.5 years...

wink.gif
 

hexagon_sun

Manager
Joined
May 5, 2005
Messages
1,909
[b said:
Quote[/b] (RobM. @ Feb. 10 2006,17:14)]There's a real classic on the lines of 'Potty Toes'.
Anyone know it?
That was a phone-in competition on radio - the answer to 3 questions gave you the 3 syllables of the word 'potatoes'. Very simple questions that this thick as pig-sh!t woman didn't understand. Even the host lost the plot and ended up in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
 

RobM.

Manager
Joined
Oct 31, 2003
Messages
1,186
Location
Corringham
That's it!

What did Walter rRaleigh bring to England? Think carefully it's a vegetable....

What do you cook in? A pan.
Hmm..What does a man's belly look like? Not a pan belly but a...
Pot?
OK Now the number after seven.....Eight?
OK so we have Pot Eight. Now - what's on the end of your feet? Me slippers!
What's inside them? Me toes.
Great! So what is it? Pot Eight Toes.....
Potty toes!
Say it fast...
Pottytoes! Pottytoes! Never heard of them!
Will someone pop round to number 8 and tell this woman!!
laugh.gif
 
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