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Bucks_blue

Manager
Joined
Oct 31, 2003
Messages
1,466
Location
Heswall
1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our video recording.

3. When an IT person says s/he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.

4. When IT Support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

5. When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your problems right out. We don't even like eating food, we exist only to serve.

6. Send urgent e-mail all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

7. When we do something as a favour in our own time at our own expense, feel free to criticise us.

8. That's OK, we don't expect you to lift anything or get under your desk. Manual labour was part of our IT degree.

9 When the photocopier /FAX machine/Air Conditioner doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's electronics in it.
10. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call Computer Support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
12. When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
13. When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
15. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what is meant by "my thingy blew up".
16. When you call someone in to fix a problem - but don't tell them about the other 10 problems until they physically arrive. That's OK - we can clear our schedule for the rest of the day.
17. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
18. When your application can't do what you want... blame us, we write all the software that runs on your PC and can customise it on the fly. Bill Gates lets us do this.
19. Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every problem before.
20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.
21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/NT/network upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
22. When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner of their desk and stare at them until they hang up.
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer cr*p." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as cr*p.
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When you think the network/e-mail/office application is going slow, call us as we have a button to press that makes it go back to it's normal speed.
26. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.
27. The instant you call us (on our mobile) - we can see what's happening on your screen and can solve it instantaneously.
28. When you receive a 30MB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.
29. When an IT person gets in the lift pushing £100,000 worth of computer equipment on a trolley, ask in a very loud voice, "Good grief, you take the lift to go DOWN one floor?"
30. Always remember.... we were sitting there waiting for your call.. The whole day!!!
31. If your computer tells you your password is incorrect Blame it on the IT Guy. We just love changing your password
to make more work for us .
32. Please call us at 3 in the morninig to complain about something, we don`t sleep.
33. We love working after hours so please feel free to tell us to come back after hours.
 
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Yep, That's because you're a Computer User, Non-Technical!

Unable to cope with doing anything else!

And yes I am bitter! and particularly twisted too!

Bad Week!

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I had to stop after the first 4 as all i could imagine is the bloke off of the office rambling on.

No offense BB
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Best thing to do is get out of desktop support BB. Whilst reading your post reminded me why I did. However now I only deal with people who are meant to be technically minded but it is shocking how poor their grasp of anything network based is.

I love the blame culture. The Apps guys will blame the server guy who will blame the network. I spend my day proving to people what badly written apps can do and that if the apps is slow chances are Gig Ethernet will not always solve the problem.

Then of course you get the constant battle between the Ops guys and the Engineers. Life is sooo much fun in I.T.
 
Did a month testing a new system at my old companies Head Office and worked closely with the IT guys up there.

All I can remember (because a month wasn't long enough for their bright and bubbly personalities to quite shine through) is what a wide range of Red Dwarf t-shirts they all seemed to own, the quite astonishing ability to drink gallons of Coca Cola at a rate rivalling certain Southend fans beer drinking and Lord Of The Rings screensavers!

Not that I'd want to stereotype
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[b said:
Quote[/b] (Leeboy @ May 28 2004,08:39)]'switch it off and on again'

're-boot the server'

'er........dunno'


thats my IT Dept. anyway
Because you have to give instructions which is at the level of the user. So it does not confuse them.

I guess all people who say they get told to reboot are in fact using good old Microsoft products. So I guess you should be thanking dear old Bill for making such stable products, and not question the ability of the IT bod.
 
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Bob Cratchitt @ May 28 2004,10:25)]
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Napster @ May 28 2004,09:06)]
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Bob Cratchitt @ May 27 2004,19:29)]Life is sooo much fun in I.T.
the days must fly by.
Considering that was a sarcastic comment, all I will say to you Naps is Woooossshhhhh. Did you see it fly over??
Dur. I knew it was a sarcastic comment and was agreeing with your viewpoint...
 
Well just remeber when you are surfing the web looking at porn at work the IT person knows EXACTLY what your are looking at!!!!!!!!

Legal or not, it's fact!

I find that quite fun!
 
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Bucks_blue @ May 27 2004,16:19)] 22. When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner of their desk and stare at them until they hang up.
I can relate to most of this working on a helpdesk, 22 is my favourite pet peev though.
 
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