Slipperduke
The Camden Cad
Has there ever been a tag-line as profoundly underwhelming as the ‘Battle For Fourth’? Even for the English, who celebrate mediocrity with such enthusiasm that Tim Lovejoy has been encouraged to forge a career in broadcasting, this is a new low. Fourth? It’s not even a place on the podium. It’s where British athletes finish at the Olympics. You don’t battle for fourth, you end up there when you fall short.
Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur are not two plucky minnows punching above their weight. Between them, they have spent enough money to fund a space program and yet they continue to persist with this idea that the ‘big four’ exist on a different plane to the rest of the division. Bobbins. This season, Manchester United have only occasionally produced the scintillating football that they’re famous for. Chelsea have been found wanting at the back, Arsenal have been found wanting of someone who can tackle and as for Liverpool, well, where do you start?
Whoever wins the ‘Battle For Fourth’ on Wednesday will celebrate with the boundless enthusiasm and unrestrained fervour of men who have won the World Cup, ended global poverty, deflowered Megan Fox and destroyed the Death Star all in the same night, but why? Fourth is where they should be, especially in a season when Liverpool have imploded and Everton didn’t get going until October.
Finishing fourth doesn’t even mean anything anyway. Any fans salivating at the thought of Champions League football had better wipe themselves down, there’s still a qualifying round to come. UEFA used to seed these ruthlessly to ensure the survival of the big clubs, but no more. Forget about landing Total Network Solutions, Dynamo Andorra or Atletico Benidorm. Now all the failing giants go into the same pot. AC Milan, Schalke, Valencia. That’s what could await the winner of the ‘Battle For Fourth’.
The saddest thing about this degrading chase for a tricky play-off is that it’s not even motivated by a desire for glory. Garry Cook and Daniel Levy don’t want to qualify for the Champions League in the vain hope that they win it, they just want to stick their snouts in the money trough and feed on the TV revenues. The ‘Battle For Fourth’ is all about money.
Hands up if you can remember when football was all about winning?
Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur are not two plucky minnows punching above their weight. Between them, they have spent enough money to fund a space program and yet they continue to persist with this idea that the ‘big four’ exist on a different plane to the rest of the division. Bobbins. This season, Manchester United have only occasionally produced the scintillating football that they’re famous for. Chelsea have been found wanting at the back, Arsenal have been found wanting of someone who can tackle and as for Liverpool, well, where do you start?
Whoever wins the ‘Battle For Fourth’ on Wednesday will celebrate with the boundless enthusiasm and unrestrained fervour of men who have won the World Cup, ended global poverty, deflowered Megan Fox and destroyed the Death Star all in the same night, but why? Fourth is where they should be, especially in a season when Liverpool have imploded and Everton didn’t get going until October.
Finishing fourth doesn’t even mean anything anyway. Any fans salivating at the thought of Champions League football had better wipe themselves down, there’s still a qualifying round to come. UEFA used to seed these ruthlessly to ensure the survival of the big clubs, but no more. Forget about landing Total Network Solutions, Dynamo Andorra or Atletico Benidorm. Now all the failing giants go into the same pot. AC Milan, Schalke, Valencia. That’s what could await the winner of the ‘Battle For Fourth’.
The saddest thing about this degrading chase for a tricky play-off is that it’s not even motivated by a desire for glory. Garry Cook and Daniel Levy don’t want to qualify for the Champions League in the vain hope that they win it, they just want to stick their snouts in the money trough and feed on the TV revenues. The ‘Battle For Fourth’ is all about money.
Hands up if you can remember when football was all about winning?