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Games you have had to miss or leave early because you have chit yourself

Joined
Jun 8, 2007
Messages
1,761
Location
i live in westcliff
ok Ill start his one, but only on a couple of occasions, once in the west bank in 86, realised I needed a poo in them west stand toilets only to realise there was no door or bog roll having to make my mate Joey Toffs stand over the door and wipping me arse on me dads programme, leaving early at orient a good few years ago now, me mate was in the toilet with a chicken burger and I pi55ed on it abit, started laughing so hard that some **** came out I had to then follow through with a big one, wipe me arse on me boxers, and threw them in the orient end at there fans, me and me mates again started pi55ing ourselves only for me to realise I actually had a proper bout of the 5hits so again nicking a trusty programme went and squirted a load of chocolate water out me hole and feked off home, got half way down the road, and had to **** in someones front garden, (it was dark)

Have you ever had one of those experiences? would love to hear
 
Not quite the same but I recall once ****ing myself after a school football match whilst wearing my yellow Firlholm shorts. Think I was about 9-10 at the time so was quite embarrasing. Lucky for me I didnt see anyone I knew on the walk home.
 
ok Ill start his one, but only on a couple of occasions, once in the west bank in 86, realised I needed a poo in them west stand toilets only to realise there was no door or bog roll having to make my mate Joey Toffs stand over the door and wipping me arse on me dads programme, leaving early at orient a good few years ago now, me mate was in the toilet with a chicken burger and I pi55ed on it abit, started laughing so hard that some **** came out I had to then follow through with a big one, wipe me arse on me boxers, and threw them in the orient end at there fans, me and me mates again started pi55ing ourselves only for me to realise I actually had a proper bout of the 5hits so again nicking a trusty programme went and squirted a load of chocolate water out me hole and feked off home, got half way down the road, and had to **** in someones front garden, (it was dark)

Have you ever had one of those experiences? would love to hear

Perhaps we should all have a whip round and get you some incontinent pads for Xmas.
 
ok Ill start his one, but only on a couple of occasions, once in the west bank in 86, realised I needed a poo in them west stand toilets only to realise there was no door or bog roll having to make my mate Joey Toffs stand over the door and wipping me arse on me dads programme, leaving early at orient a good few years ago now, me mate was in the toilet with a chicken burger and I pi55ed on it abit, started laughing so hard that some **** came out I had to then follow through with a big one, wipe me arse on me boxers, and threw them in the orient end at there fans, me and me mates again started pi55ing ourselves only for me to realise I actually had a proper bout of the 5hits so again nicking a trusty programme went and squirted a load of chocolate water out me hole and feked off home, got half way down the road, and had to **** in someones front garden, (it was dark)

Have you ever had one of those experiences? would love to hear

****ing hell, that made me laugh.
 
ok Ill start his one, but only on a couple of occasions, once in the west bank in 86, realised I needed a poo in them west stand toilets only to realise there was no door or bog roll having to make my mate Joey Toffs stand over the door and wipping me arse on me dads programme, leaving early at orient a good few years ago now, me mate was in the toilet with a chicken burger and I pi55ed on it abit, started laughing so hard that some **** came out I had to then follow through with a big one, wipe me arse on me boxers, and threw them in the orient end at there fans, me and me mates again started pi55ing ourselves only for me to realise I actually had a proper bout of the 5hits so again nicking a trusty programme went and squirted a load of chocolate water out me hole and feked off home, got half way down the road, and had to **** in someones front garden, (it was dark)

Have you ever had one of those experiences? would love to hear

Great story and good work with the disposal of the boxers!
 
ok Ill start his one, but only on a couple of occasions, once in the west bank in 86, realised I needed a poo in them west stand toilets only to realise there was no door or bog roll having to make my mate Joey Toffs stand over the door and wipping me arse on me dads programme, leaving early at orient a good few years ago now, me mate was in the toilet with a chicken burger and I pi55ed on it abit, started laughing so hard that some **** came out I had to then follow through with a big one, wipe me arse on me boxers, and threw them in the orient end at there fans, me and me mates again started pi55ing ourselves only for me to realise I actually had a proper bout of the 5hits so again nicking a trusty programme went and squirted a load of chocolate water out me hole and feked off home, got half way down the road, and had to **** in someones front garden, (it was dark)

Have you ever had one of those experiences? would love to hear

actually crying with laughter thank you
 
Where is the guy from that legendary reserves game when he got Tilly to lend him a pair of shorts????
 
Angell Delight's Dad once had a pie from one of the snack bars in the west stand at half time. It went through him so quickly that he ended up in the bogs before the players returned after half time.

Although he was wearing long johns under his jeans lucky for him his long johns were the ones with a crap flap in the back.
 
Had a slight technical hiccup standing at the end of two tree slip at about 4.00 am one morning while I was waiting for dad to get the skiff in.should of heard the explanation as I am trying to get my thigh boots off to relieve my self of a pair of pienapple patterend boxxers that ended up in the creek.
 
should of heard the explanation as I am trying to get my thigh boots off to relieve my self of a pair of pienapple patterend boxxers that ended up in the creek.

Up **** creek originated from you then ?

Does having an acute case of food poisoning causing me to spend two weeks in bed and another week recuperating count because I certainly shat for England losing over 2-1/2 stone in the process. I could do with another dose of that without the pain that goes with it. I've also played footie with someone that followed through. :p
 
Got caught short in Berlin last year while wandering about near the Olympic Stadium. I was trying to get a ticket for the game when the urge presented itself and got steadly worse as I tried in vain to find a toilet. Finally a bar homed into view and I thought I had found salvation but the bugger was closed. I saw another in the distance and started out trying to walk without moving my legs, the sweat beading on my forehead and my spinkter pouting like a cow grazing. 10 yards from the door and I had a mis-fire and let off a rogue round. The damage was done and I made the throne room in 3 steps from there on in. It was a proper pebble dasher but my boxers were beyond help. They resembled a Jackson Pollock original and had to be sold off to the nearest bin. After the mop up operation I felt strangely liberated and swang free for the rest of the day.
 
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