Great Homer Simpson lines

[Andy_S]

Found these elsewhere and I thought some us might be in need of a laugh.

Homer: 'Ah, God , my favourite fictional character

Homer: Where's the Duff, Marge?
Marge: We're all out, Homer. Would you like a fruit juice?
Homer: Don't toy with me woman!

Homer : Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge : What's that?
Homer : [thinks] A dinosaur

Homer is making a dating video of Flanders in the yard.
Lisa: "Dad, do you even have a job anymore?"
Homer: "I think it's pretty obvious that I don't!"

(Phone rings)
Homer: Hello, you'll have to speak up im wearing a towel!

Homer: Hello my name is Mr Burns....I believe you have a letter for me?
Teller: Ok Mr Burns...what's your first name?
Homer: Erm, I don't know

Marge : Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer : Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!

Homer: Operator, can i have the number for 911

Marge : Homer there's a man here who thinks he can help you!
Homer : Batman?
Marge : No he's a scientist.
Homer : Batman's a scientist?
Marge : He's not Batman!

Homer and Lisa in spiritual clensing tubs:
Lisa: Wow, this is amazing, ive been a tree and a cat!
Homer: OO EE OO AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING
BANG!

Bart walks in beaten up
Homer: Hey son, what happened to your face?
Bart: bullies beat me up.
Homer: well you did the right thing by squeling to me, now you have to squel to every adult in town!"
Bart: but then they'll beat me up even more!
Homer: yes, they are a clever bunch

When Homer starts selling grease.
Homer: I made $3, and its all profit!
Bart: but didnt the bacon we cooked to get the grease cost $28?
Homer: yeah but your mother paid for that!
Bart: but mum gets her money off you.........
Homer: and i get my money from grease, whats the problem?!

Homer: Son, when you particpate in sporting events, its not whether you win or lose, its how drunk you get.

Homer: They have the Internet on computers now?

 

[palexander]

Ahh... The Simpsons must be the most quotable program ever made?!

Chief Wiggum: "No this is 91...2"

Ralf: "Hi SuperNintendo Chalmers"

Homer: "DOH!"
Marge: "A Dear"
Lisa: "A female dear"

Homer (arguing with Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger): "When YOUwant someone to remind you which brother is which and YOU want someone to smell your hair while you're asleep then Homer wont be around"

All classics....

 

[Mad Cyril]

Homer: "It takes two people to lie Marge, one to lie and one to listen"

Homer: "Weaseling out of things is an important thing to learn. It's what seperates us from animals........except the weasel."

Barney: "Wow, David Crosby,you're my hero."
David Crosby: "Thanks. You like my music?"
Barney: "You're a musician?"

Troy McLure: "Hello, I'm actor Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as dial P for Psycho"

 

[palexander]

Quote[/b] (Mad Cyril @ Nov. 17 2004,13:44)]Homer: "It takes two people to lie Marge, one to lie and one to listen"

Homer: "Weaseling out of things is an important thing to learn. It's what seperates us from animals........except the weasel."

Barney: "Wow, David Crosby,you're my hero."
David Crosby: "Thanks. You like my music?"
Barney: "You're a musician?"

Troy McLure: "Hello, I'm actor Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as dial P for Psycho"

Troy McLure: "Hello, I'm actor Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as dial M for Murderousness"

 

[Benfleetshrimp]

To the theme tune of Flintstones....

Simpson
Homer Simpson
The greatest guy in history
from the town of Springfield
he's about to hit a great big tree.

 

[steveh1510]

'I am so smart
I am so smart
S M R T, I mean S M A R T.....'

 

[Leeboy]

Quote[/b] (Mad Cyril @ Nov. 17 2004,13:44)]Troy McLure: "Hello, I'm actor Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as dial P for Psycho"

' and The Presidents Neck is Missing! '


Homer: ' I thought I had an appetite for destruction, when all I wanted was a club sandwich'

 

[* ORM *]

How about 'This is the last ever episode of the Simpsons' ?

Here's hoping.

 

[Andy_S]

Quote[/b] (* ORM * @ Nov. 17 2004,18:12)]How about 'This is the last ever episode of the Simpsons' ?

Here's hoping.

Weirdo.

 

[The General]

Quote[/b] (Andy_S @ Nov. 17 2004,19:08)]

Quote[/b] (* ORM * @ Nov. 17 2004,18:12)]How about 'This is the last ever episode of the Simpsons' ?

Here's hoping.

Weirdo.

I have agree with the Gaffer. f**king sh*te!

Kev

 

[Andy_S]

Quiet, you.

 

[SouthUpperYellows]

"alice's adventure through the windshield glass"
classic

 

[exiledessexboy]

"You tried your best and failed miserably.  The lesson is never to try".

However, the comic book guy came up with a good one, especially after a large Blues defeat in a northern outpost.  

"Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix."

 

[Ron Manager]

Very good read for all you Simpsons fans out there!

 

[exiledessexboy]

Thanks, just placed it in the shopping basket it on Amazon. First Christmas present for the daughter.......now just 17 more items to go and I claim free postage!