If your loved ones have to go into a Care Home

[DoDTS]

My Mother died last year at the age of 91.

She had dementia for the last few years and three years had to go into a home. It cost about £3,100 a month but the care she received was very good and as she had company 24 hours a day I believe she was quite happy. We had to pay a little extra for having her hair done, nails done etc which usually came to about £75.00 a quarter.

As stated before the care was excellent BUT the accounts dept of the care group was not. When Mum died we asked for the final bill expecting to be a bit less than £75.00 but were quite shocked to receive a bill of about £13,500.

This we are told was made up as follows:

• We didn't pay and wasn't asked for the first 2 months and we assumed it was "respite" and free. We asked several times for clarification but heard nothing.
• We paid monthly as was requested but are now told that it should have been four weekly not monthly so we had only paid 12 out of 13 payments each year.

Several people have told us very similar stories it appears to be a common practice and the solicitor was not surprised and the payment will be made to the care home when probate is finalised.

My brother and I had sold Mums house and their is enough to cover this cost but as we were paying over £36,000 a year for her care but had she lived another year or so this money would be gone and we would have been liable.

I'm posting this as a warning to anyone would is/or could be in this situation

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

Thank you for posting this. I'd suggest also raising this with your MP.

 

[KevinJH]

I wouldn't rush to pay it (even though you'll probably have to eventually) - after all, if they couldn't pick up their accounting error for over three years....... As YB suggested, have a chat with your MP. Then with your local newspaper.

 

[MK Shrimper]

You really think an MP will do anything?

 

[Tangled up in Blue]

You really think an MP will do anything?

Ha! I seem to remember the PM saying he had a plan for care homes that was ready to go, on the steps of Downing Street last December.

Edit.I believe there's supposed to be an all party commission looking at the Care Home issue soon.It certainly needs sorting.

 

[DoDTS]

The fact of the matter is that you have no choice, Mums estate goes on hold until probate is completed, then all creditors, people mentioned in the will etc. are paid and you get what's left (minus solicitors fees).

Don't get me wrong for basically £100 a day, Mum had full board and 24 hour care and it was well worth the money. This was in Norfolk I think in Southend it would have cost a lot more.

The care home was wonderful they did what they were meant to do, care, but it was just their accounting side which let them down.

In hindsight we should have pressed for the respite question and contacted the Accounts Dept direct. If you are in the situation get them to clarify/ put in writing the four week/monthly situation. If we had known it wouldn't be a problem

 

[kaymac]

Did you apply for probate or have a solicitor do it all for you?

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

You really think an MP will do anything?

Even if you were to take a cynical view then firstly the one age group MPs will look after is the old and secondly MPs will only take action if enough people moan at them but let's instead try and keep this thread practical and constructive and not make it political.

I'd suggest it's well worth a letter of complaint and roping in your MP. The worst that can happen is they can say go away. Maybe they'll knock a couple of grand off the bill or even take on board your criticism and learn from it.

 

[Massimo Giovanni]

Did you apply for probate or have a solicitor do it all for you?

I was thinking the same, and from dealing with my mum's estate and the probate myself I would advice most people to tackle it themselves.

 

[DoDTS]

I used a solicitor (who is on SZ), My son DtS had advised my brother to use him when his Mother-in-Law died, he has done a good job on both counts.

Frankly we had a difficult few years backwards and forwards to Norfolk and with the funeral to arrange neither of us were in the right frame of mind to do it ourselves.

Mum died in July buried in September and now we are nearing completion.

 

[OldBlueLady]

I'm so sorry to hear all this Pete, it makes a sad time even more difficult.

The care system in this country is a disgrace, people are making piles of money off the back of it while paying paltry wages, and you do hear horror stories about the "care" in some of them, although you appear to have been lucky.

Thank you for sharing your experience, it will serve as a warning for many of us.

 

[kaymac]

I used a solicitor (who is on SZ), My son DtS had advised my brother to use him when his Mother-in-Law died, he has done a good job on both counts.

Frankly we had a difficult few years backwards and forwards to Norfolk and with the funeral to arrange neither of us were in the right frame of mind to do it ourselves.

Mum died in July buried in September and now we are nearing completion.

Aah, understandable under the circumstances. Our respective mums died within four months of each other but my wife and I found doing all the probate work on both estates helped take our minds off matters. Easier than we'd expected it to be and far less expense than using a solicitor.

 

[Firestorm]

When my dad required full time care their house was safe as it was in both his and my mums names. When he died his half was left to the kids, so that half is protected should mum need to go into a home.

 

[DoDTS]

I'm so sorry to hear all this Pete, it makes a sad time even more difficult.

The care system in this country is a disgrace, people are making piles of money off the back of it while paying paltry wages, and you do hear horror stories about the "care" in some of them, although you appear to have been lucky.

Thank you for sharing your experience, it will serve as a warning for many of us.

I think if you go into Care in big Cities they can't cope with the numbers and the quality of the care reduces, if you go into care in a smaller place it is more relaxed and friendly.

Mum lived in Heacham near Hunstanton and frankly care is the biggest employer in the village. Unfortunately for my brother and I it was a minimum of a six hour return drive.

In Mums case, her and Dad retired from Southend to Norfolk about 1980.They were very happy there until dad died about 2005, Mum was poorly equipped to cope by herself but wouldn't move back to Southend as Dementia kicked in we started getting carers in eventually four times a day. Eventually after a couple of falls we had no choice to put her into a home, a heart braking decision.

When in the home some of the carers already new her and her neighbours would visit sometimes three or four times a week. It would have been easier for us to move her back to Southend but after a shaky start she settled in well and it became clear that she was best in Norfolk.

There were 24 residents but always at least 6 members of staff to care for them, everyone of them made a great fuss or her and they would go in and night and kiss her goodnight. The staff worked very hard and there was always something going on. However it was a dementia home and you couldn't having a meaningful conversation with the residents.

We used to take loads of old photographs, she saw them as new every time, she couldn't remember the last 40 years but go back to pre1980 she remembered every detail.

 

[MK Shrimper]

We used to take loads of old photographs, she saw them as new every time, she couldn't remember the last 40 years but go back to pre1980 she remembered every detail.

My father-in-law is in hospital with vascular dementia and struggles to remember what he had for breakfast though he can remember his childhood with absolute clarity.

 

[Chrisb]

It is a terrible illness, which I lost my Mum to. It is heartening to hear that your Mum received such good care as there are so many stories of this not being the case.

 

[Steve Giles]

When my dad required full time care their house was safe as it was in both his and my mums names. When he died his half was left to the kids, so that half is protected should mum need to go into a home.

My mums put her house in a trust , her , me and my brother have a third . Her third has the only say, ie my brother and I have no say for her protection If she ever needed to go in a home they could only claim from my mums third minus £30,000. . My mum at 86 is still living in her own home, but needs help., through a friend we found out her and others can claim up to £58 per week, not that it’s well advertised. Don’t expect the state to help decent tax paying citizens

 

[Maldon Shrimper]

It was the most toughest decision I had to take to put my late mother into a home but it was the best for her to live out her life in comfort.I took legal advice beforehand as to the best thing to do to protect the financial position. It wasn't cheap but most beneficial and would thoroughly recommend it.Otherwise you are at the the mercy of the authorities

 

[Steve Giles]

People it’s not a case of being greedy and getting your parents money. I was advised to talk to my mum ( a friends experience) , she said nothing, went upstairs and then showed me the paperwork protecting the house my parents worked hard for to pay .Her words were your dad would hate it if the government had the money we worked for. Moral of the storey speak to your parents , yes it’s awkward but my mum was happy we did.

 

[DoDTS]

In our case just before our Dad died he took out Equity Release on the house so that Mum would have enough money when he was gone. I think he took out £30,000 some 14 years later Mum owed £135,000 and this was going up by about £600 a month. We had to sell the house to get rid of this loan and have money for mums care. The silly thing was that Mum still had the £30,000 in the bank she had never touched it.

I'm not saying that Equity Release is necessary a bad thing, but it should be a last resort not a first resort, if you are struggling and can't manage then why not, but be perfectly clear of what it all means.

In my Dads case with the best will in the world he gave away £105,000 just in case Mum couldn't manage.

In fairness to Dad in 2005 it was a relatively new thing not all the adverts that you get now, and neither he or we fully understood the implications.