fbm
Blue tinted optimist⭐
Date - 1st July. Venue - Tilly's bedroom.
The alarm goes off at 7 am.
ST: <yawn> Ah well, another day another dollar. To be fair, it is the start of a new contract year. I wonder if Brushy has sorted out our new players. Better ring and find out.
<Dials Brushies number. Phone rings for ages. Eventually picked up and answered in a rather sharp manner.>
PB: Hello! Who is this - it'd better be important - I've just got to the play off finals in Football manager!
ST: Hi Brushy it's Tilly here. White rabbits white rabbits white rabbits, pinch punch first day of the month and all that stuff. It's the 1st of July - the new contract year begins. How have you got on signing the new players?
PB: Yeah, all done. I got Huntingdon as you requested. I also managed to sign Dervite and Harding as well and picked up Michael Owen. It's made a huge difference - as I say I have got us to the play off finals. We'd have walked the league if we'd signed them in August but I couldn't get them until the January transfer window. It took me that long to offload Granty and Herd but you'll never believe it - Man Utd paid £2m for Johnny and I shifted Grant for £3m to Spurs. We had to break the bank for Owen and the wages are crippling but Ron Martin sold out to a Saudi Oil Sheik and we had a £5m injection of funds, Cracking. If only we could do that in real life, eh?
ST: What do you mean in real life... when I phoned you from the golf course I MEANT in real life you plonker! Not on bloody football manager! So have you not signed anyone at all? In real life?
PB: No... I thought you were doing it. After all, you're the manager!
ST: For Gods sake... I'd better get down the club.
<ST races at breakneck speed to Roots Hall. He is greeted by his PA>
ST: Morning Chantelle. Any messages?
C: No but I have just taken a phone call from someone called wiggy? He wants a word.
ST: OK, put him through.
W: Tilson you complete muppet! Why haven't we signed anyone yet?
ST: Err... We're working on it. Don't worry, it's all in hand. <Checks current transfer list of available players>. There's a couple of lads available I'm looking at... a centre half from Dagenham called Michale Alaile - 6 footer, solid...
W: 6 footer? What's that 3 left and three right?
ST: 6 feet tall wiggy...
W: Well that's no bloody good is it? Clarke and Barrett are only that tall and look at the goals we leaked. We need a 6'3" giant back there.
ST: There's Godwin Antwi from Liverpool, 6'1" Ghanain, can play centre half or center midfield.
W: Still too short, too young, untried, never heard of him. Next?
ST: Jonathan Boardman from Dagenham. He's 28, 6'2"...
W: If he's that good how come Dagenham don't want him? Bound to be rubbish. Do you want us back in league 2 you muppet? Keep going...
ST: Michael Duberry is available on a free from Reading...
W: Yeah but what are his wages? Plus he's about 60 by now! Wake up man - why do you want to pay that overweight overpaid lump of a centre half anything at all so he can see out his career at half pace with us! Build for the future man!
ST: Brian Saah from Orient. He's young, quick, 6'3", commanding, gets the odd goal, available on a free and we can afford him.
W: Do you want a mutiny? Don't you dare sign any old scumbag from that Borient at Birdbrain Road. He's rubbish. Must be if he played for them... and that goes for the Col U sheepshaggers too.
ST: Matt Lockwood's available...
W: Don't even think about it. 10 years too late.
ST:Well, who do YOU want me to sign then?
W: I don't care man! Anyone! Just sign someone and tell that tightarse Ron Martin that he needs to get his chequebook out! We need signings! Just get people signed!
<click>
:doh:
The alarm goes off at 7 am.
ST: <yawn> Ah well, another day another dollar. To be fair, it is the start of a new contract year. I wonder if Brushy has sorted out our new players. Better ring and find out.
<Dials Brushies number. Phone rings for ages. Eventually picked up and answered in a rather sharp manner.>
PB: Hello! Who is this - it'd better be important - I've just got to the play off finals in Football manager!
ST: Hi Brushy it's Tilly here. White rabbits white rabbits white rabbits, pinch punch first day of the month and all that stuff. It's the 1st of July - the new contract year begins. How have you got on signing the new players?
PB: Yeah, all done. I got Huntingdon as you requested. I also managed to sign Dervite and Harding as well and picked up Michael Owen. It's made a huge difference - as I say I have got us to the play off finals. We'd have walked the league if we'd signed them in August but I couldn't get them until the January transfer window. It took me that long to offload Granty and Herd but you'll never believe it - Man Utd paid £2m for Johnny and I shifted Grant for £3m to Spurs. We had to break the bank for Owen and the wages are crippling but Ron Martin sold out to a Saudi Oil Sheik and we had a £5m injection of funds, Cracking. If only we could do that in real life, eh?
ST: What do you mean in real life... when I phoned you from the golf course I MEANT in real life you plonker! Not on bloody football manager! So have you not signed anyone at all? In real life?
PB: No... I thought you were doing it. After all, you're the manager!
ST: For Gods sake... I'd better get down the club.
<ST races at breakneck speed to Roots Hall. He is greeted by his PA>
ST: Morning Chantelle. Any messages?
C: No but I have just taken a phone call from someone called wiggy? He wants a word.
ST: OK, put him through.
W: Tilson you complete muppet! Why haven't we signed anyone yet?
ST: Err... We're working on it. Don't worry, it's all in hand. <Checks current transfer list of available players>. There's a couple of lads available I'm looking at... a centre half from Dagenham called Michale Alaile - 6 footer, solid...
W: 6 footer? What's that 3 left and three right?
ST: 6 feet tall wiggy...
W: Well that's no bloody good is it? Clarke and Barrett are only that tall and look at the goals we leaked. We need a 6'3" giant back there.
ST: There's Godwin Antwi from Liverpool, 6'1" Ghanain, can play centre half or center midfield.
W: Still too short, too young, untried, never heard of him. Next?
ST: Jonathan Boardman from Dagenham. He's 28, 6'2"...
W: If he's that good how come Dagenham don't want him? Bound to be rubbish. Do you want us back in league 2 you muppet? Keep going...
ST: Michael Duberry is available on a free from Reading...
W: Yeah but what are his wages? Plus he's about 60 by now! Wake up man - why do you want to pay that overweight overpaid lump of a centre half anything at all so he can see out his career at half pace with us! Build for the future man!
ST: Brian Saah from Orient. He's young, quick, 6'3", commanding, gets the odd goal, available on a free and we can afford him.
W: Do you want a mutiny? Don't you dare sign any old scumbag from that Borient at Birdbrain Road. He's rubbish. Must be if he played for them... and that goes for the Col U sheepshaggers too.
ST: Matt Lockwood's available...
W: Don't even think about it. 10 years too late.
ST:Well, who do YOU want me to sign then?
W: I don't care man! Anyone! Just sign someone and tell that tightarse Ron Martin that he needs to get his chequebook out! We need signings! Just get people signed!
<click>
:doh:
