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In honour of the Gillingham manager.....

Yorkshire Blue

Super Moderator
Staff member
Oct 27, 2003
....can we come up with a Southend Slow XI

Obviously Stimson at left-back and probably captain, pushing out Che Wilson (FACT: Che could run quicker backwards than forwards) and recent loanee, George Friend.

Centre-halves - we've had a few who could be outsprinted by a crippled, asthmatic ant, but Ben Lewis is my favourite for this berth. Phil Whelan probably just about out-paces Mark Warren, leaving the former Col Ewe and Orient centre-half provisionally alongside him. Rob Newman escapes nomination because of the time he slide tackled Mark Hateley from 30 yards. On a wet surface and with some impressive momentum behind him he was really moving by the time he upended Hately.

Gillingham sub Kevin Maher was so slow it took him 10 years to leave Southend. I'd pencil him alongside Ronnie Whelan, who I'm not sure ever broke into a trot in a Southend shirt. Which reminds me, Kevin O'Callaghan. I seem to remember Derek Hall as painfully slow as well. Neither Simon Livett nor Rio Alderton were fleet-footed.

Up front lee-footed Lead Bradbury, possibly partnered by Dougie Freedman (injury permitting). Andy Rammell looked like he'd get out of breath getting out of bed in the morning so may be a contender as well. Drewe Broughton would be in the mix, so weighed down was he by the sweat dripping from his wrist bands. Was Mario Walsh slow or just ****? He certainly was ****.

GK - probably Neville Southall and I'm struggling for a right-back unless we go for Mark Hone who usually fits into most of these type of teams.

Provisional XI

Hone Lewis Warren Stimson
Livett Whelan Maher Hall
Bradbury Freedman

It would be awesome if we could hold the successor to the Rumbelows Sprint Challenge as trials for this team. I'd pay good money to watch the contenders battle it out over 100m to get into this team.

Any other nominations?