Jokes

[Guest]

Heres mine :

baby balloon climbs into bed with mummy and daddy baloon cos he cant sleep, lay still then says mummy, i will he says but starts fidgeting. ive had enough back to your own bed. annoyed he pulls the bottom of mummy balloon. sssssst went mummy balloon and went crying back to bed.

the same happened the next night but daddy ballon said you will go straight bavk to bed if you fidget. i wont says baby ballon but does. thats says daddy balloon back to your own bed. baby balloon pulls daddy ballons bottom, ssssst went daddy balloon and baby ballon cried back to bed.

third night the same happened again. mummy and daddy told baby ballon its his last chance., but he fidgeted again and pulled his own bottom, ssssst he. RIGHT THATS IT SAID MUMMY AND DADDY, YOUVE LET YOUR MUM DOWN YOUVE LET ME DOWN, BUT WORSE THAN THAT YOUVE LET YOURSELF DOWN!!!!

Apologies but i found this funny.

 

[Guest]

Not that I can really comment as I can't think of any jokes. Must be because it's Friday morning.

 

[Guest]

Quote[/b] (Whatever @ Aug. 12 2005,10:39)]

Not that I can really comment as I can't think of any jokes. Must be because it's Friday morning.

And i suppose you have had a very, very busy week, eh!!

 

[* ORM *]

How many smokers does it take to change a blanket ban ?

 

[* ORM *]

OK then a proper one.

Heard the one about the dyslexic farmer ? ....................










Altogether now........................












Ready for this ? ........................














"Old MacDonald had a farm O E O E U! "

 

[Sussex Shrimper]

A man was having trouble with his elbow, so he decided to visit the chemist to try to get something for it. As he walked in he saw a machine claiming to give a diagnosis of any ailment in less than a minute for a fee of only £5.00. The instructions read "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell what you can do about it."

Figuring that he had nothing to lose he left, before returning with a jar containing a urine sample. Finding the machine, he poured in the sample and deposited the £5.00. The computer started making some noises and, after a few seconds, out came a slip of paper:

You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy labour.
It will be better in two weeks.

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, some dog poo, and urine samples from both his wife and daughter. As a finishing touch, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the chemists, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the £5.00. The machine again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis:

Your tap water is too hard
Get a water softener
Your dog has worms
Give him vitamins
Your daughter's using cocaine
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic
Your wife's pregnant - twin girls
They aren't yours
Get a lawyer
And if you don't stop w*nking, your tennis elbow will never get better.

 

[canveyshrimper]

There is a couple who have been married for many years and the spark has gone from their marriage. One night the wife says to her husband "I want a pet, get me a dog or cat for company"

The next day the husband ventures to the pet shop, and requests the said dog or cat. "Sorry" the pet shop man said but I only have this South American Green Blow Frog"

"What the hell will that do?"
"Nothing, but it will give you the best blow job ever, try it if you don't belive me"

The man retreats behind a screen, drops his dacks & sure enough he receives the best bj ever.

"I'll take it" says the man, pays the pet shop owner and races off home.

The wife comes in from work, and immediately demands the dog or cat. "Sorry but no dogs or cats available, but i did get you a South American Green Blow Frog"

"What can i do with that?" she asks.

"Teach it to cook, and F**k off"

 

[Hockley_Blues]

I once knew someone who got addicted to curry. So much so that he started injecting, now he's in a Korma.

 

[* ORM *]

Quote[/b] (Hockley_Blues @ Aug. 12 2005,17:16)]I once knew someone who got addicted to curry. So much so that he started injecting, now he's in a Korma.

I'll need to have a chat about sending you to jailfrezi for that poor effort.

 

[chadded]

POlice have interviewed the copper who shot the Brazillian. When ask why he shot him 8 times, he replied 'I ran out of rounds.'

Beauty Parlours across London have noticed a sharp fall in trade after the Met announced they were doing Brazillians for free.

What do you say to a copper whose just put five rounds into a Brazillian?
Good grouping.

 

[Guest]

Quote[/b] (* ORM * @ Aug. 12 2005,18:02)]

Quote[/b] (Hockley_Blues @ Aug. 12 2005,17:16)]I once knew someone who got addicted to curry. So much so that he started injecting, now he's in a Korma.

I'll need to have a chat about sending you to jailfrezi for that poor effort.

If you carry on i'm gonna have to Tikka you off ...

 

[RobM.]

Tina Turmeric would have somerthing to say about that,just ask her nan. Tears on her pilau!

 

[Sebastian Weetabix]

Mummy and Daddy tomato are out and about with baby tomato. Baby tomato keeps falling behind. Daddy tomato shouts,
'Oi, TOMATO KETCHUP'


**Takes long walk of shame**