Love puffs!

[Winkle]

Me and the missus have a bit of a running battle when it comes to " love puffs" She simply will not admit that from time to time the healthy veggie eating that she proclaims gives her a healthy colon can sometimes result in ..... A bit of flatulence. Poor Monty usually gets blamed for this infraction and it goes without saying that He is preety much clueless as to whats going on.
This brings me to this morning! A rare day when me and the missus were off work certain formality usually take place which involve basically "rabid copulation". I was anchoring off of bum island waiting for the "B" in the bang when I felt what seemed like a "love puff". On questioning this, total denial was on the agenda (again) so better to stay in her good books, I let it go because ..... I wanted a shag! However, She turned over and cuddled up to me and I am thinking "Hello" when to put it mildly my @rse exploded, right on her left thigh. Although my phsincter was still in tact , the force nearly blew her out of bed and as I could not find monty to blame there was no denying that the packet of spar peanuts and the chicken korma I cooked the previous night had done the damage.
To say she was a tad upset was an understatement,and any thoughts of nuptuals taking place had severly dissapeared. Infact the smell was so bad I even got up.
My question is.. How can women take the moralistic stance that when they do it its covered up like "Leprosy" but when you need to exfoliate your basically a dirty b@stard.

 

[pickledseal]

This has brought a great big grin to my face on a Friday afternoon! :D

 

[OldBlueLady]

Winkle, that's absolutely hilarious! But to answer your question, I think the volume, reverberation and the all round excessive ponginess generally attached to those emanating from the male posterior are the reason women find it so abhorrent. I don't think women do deny they do it too, just they're generally a little more discreet and refined!

 

[Benfleet A1]

I know the feeling. I am known for cooking up some rather good recipes on occasion and one day decided on a curry. The general idea was to get the little one off to bed early so we could enjoy a leisurely meal, a couple of glasses of wine and then retire in the mood for love.

It was all going well until the retiring bit. With us both nicely pished and the mood set my food of the gods decided to work it's way through. And some. We are approaching space dock and clearance has been given to land when we suffer a nasty backfire. The hull was breached and I mean breached resulting in debris being hurled across the room and me being launched on a crash course with the wardrobe door. I like a woman to talk dirty but what came out of the wifes mouth would make a trooper blush.

It was another early night after the clear up operation. And strangely enough she has gone right off my cooking.

 

[Southend_Lady]

Winkle, that's absolutely hilarious! But to answer your question, I think the volume, reverberation and the all round excessive ponginess generally attached to those emanating from the male posterior are the reason women find it so abhorrent. I don't think women do deny they do it too, just they're generally a little more discreet and refined!

Hit the nail on the head here. Men think its actually funny and I have seen so many men actually lift their leg like a dog to fart, and dont get me wrong that is something I would probably laugh at but women just arent the same. If they were I am sure that some of you men would turn your nose up at it in disgust!

I am not a prude or anything and accept that it is just natural and all that business - its the calm before the storm, the puff before the bang etc, but I do think that women are less likely to make a joke of it. They are more likely to do it in the refines of ones bathroom with a quick spray of febreeze to cover it up.

And while I am certainly not perfect, I wouldnt in a milion years think of co*king my leg up to spray my other half with a big green cloud of the smell of last nights undigested food.

 

[Cricko]

How common ..............I have never farted in my life..... No wonder the Zone goes to Pot at times....:angel:

 

[derek duvall]

Winkle, that's absolutely hilarious! But to answer your question, I think the volume, reverberation and the all round excessive ponginess generally attached to those emanating from the male posterior are the reason women find it so abhorrent. I don't think women do deny they do it too, just they're generally a little more discreet and refined!

The noise we men make is like our 4 minute warning to run for cover. You silent women are more like a biological terrorist attack, its out there but we only find out when its too late. Women are dirty!

 

[Winkle]

Winkle, that's absolutely hilarious! But to answer your question, I think the volume, reverberation and the all round excessive ponginess generally attached to those emanating from the male posterior are the reason women find it so abhorrent. I don't think women do deny they do it too, just they're generally a little more discreet and refined!

I actually worked with a woman " Beast" Who could clear a football stadium of its supporters and players at will. I did not include her/it in the original post as It/thing never used the kaze so we did not know whether it was male /female/ Hemaphrodite. ( hope I spelt that correct).

 

[Southend_Lady]

A couple of years ago one of my mates was round her boyfriends and they were just in the lounge watching tv, getting up to make a drink and lunch, you know - the usual daytime couply things. She realised that she really needed to let one out and so she did and luckily she said it slipped out silently with not even 1 decibel of noise. Feeling quite pleased with herself until the smell started to waft back out from the sofa cushion and into the living room airspace. Her bf walked back in with drinks and in a panic she went to him "oh god can you smell that it absolute stinks, is that you?" she said he looked ready to rumble her and then said "yeah, yeah that was me sorry it must've been bad I did it in the kitchen and its clearly wafted through" and then proceeded to sn!gger like a small child about it.

Quite a risky game that one but sucessful on this occasion.

 

[OldBlueLady]

I actually worked with a woman " Beast" Who could clear a football stadium of its supporters and players at will. I did not include her/it in the original post as It/thing never used the kaze so we did not know whether it was male /female/ Hemaphrodite. ( hope I spelt that correct).

It's like Sam says though, blokes just find the whole subject of farting very funny and well, blokey. When we stay at my in laws my father in law thinks it's hilarious either to a) deal one of the old silent but violent type and see the reaction or b) trumpet one by lifting one bum cheek! Hubby decides to join in when we're there as well, the room is often a complete fug.

The time I find it really funny is if someone's doing exercises and they seem to lose all control of their rectal muscles - see (and hear!) it time and time again and cracks me up!

 

[Winkle]

It's like Sam says though, blokes just find the whole subject of farting very funny and well, blokey. When we stay at my in laws my father in law thinks it's hilarious either to a) deal one of the old silent but violent type and see the reaction or b) trumpet one by lifting one bum cheek! Hubby decides to join in when we're there as well, the room is often a complete fug.

The time I find it really funny is if someone's doing exercises and they seem to lose all control of their rectal muscles - see (and hear!) it time and time again and cracks me up!

Unicing farting is always one to get a belly laugh, sorry and all that. I think it probably comes down to colons. Most men will eat mostly anything and at 100 miles an hour which results in air intake and built up wind. It always takes my wife and hour or so to eat her dinner and she digests it more slowly than anyone I know. With men its a primeveil thing (cant explain it) but its par for the course!

 

[SUFC_Al]

The noise we men make is like our 4 minute warning to run for cover. You silent women are more like a biological terrorist attack, its out there but we only find out when its too late. Women are dirty!

:D :D

Classic.

 

[Tinks]

Well being a lady I tend to cough when performing this bodily task or if i am in a quiet crowded room try to hold my cheeks together so it comes out slowly and quietly.

But when at home nothing is better than waiting till you get to bed, holding down the covers tight and then when the the moment has passed violently throwing back the covers.

However I was caught out once in an embarrasing situation.
Was on a training day for CPR and all were practising on ressu annie (the plastic dummy) it was my turn to be assessed for cardiac massage and mouth to mouth. With everbody watching I bent down, as I did so let off a very loud one, which had everyone in stitches except me who went very red.

 

[OldBlueLady]

Well being a lady I tend to cough when performing this bodily task or if i am in a quiet crowded room try to hold my cheeks together so it comes out slowly and quietly.

But when at home nothing is better than waiting till you get to bed, holding down the covers tight and then when the the moment has passed violently throwing back the covers.

However I was caught out once in an embarrasing situation.
Was on a training day for CPR and all were practising on ressu annie (the plastic dummy) it was my turn to be assessed for cardiac massage and mouth to mouth. With everbody watching I bent down, as I did so let off a very loud one, which had everyone in stitches except me who went very red.

See, that's the same as "exercising", putting your body in a position where there is no defence!

I want to know if every man, the minute they wake up in the morning (or even just become semi-conscious!), has this urge to fart...or have I just married a complete ar$e?!

 

[HUTTON]

See, that's the same as "exercising", putting your body in a position where there is no defence!

I want to know if every man, the minute they wake up in the morning (or even just become semi-conscious!), has this urge to fart...or have I just married a complete ar$e?!

Think you've married a complete ar$e

 

[OldBlueLady]

Think you've married a complete ar$e

Thank you, it's nice to have some back up! ;)

 

[Tinks]

Not just your hubby OBL mine is just as bad and he seems to find the whole event comical

 

[OldBlueLady]

Not just your hubby OBL mine is just as bad and he seems to find the whole event comical

Ok then, maybe that's just a trait that comes with "maturity"! NOT!

 

[HUTTON]

I dont feel the urge as soon as I wake up, normally just as I get out of my bedroom ;)

 

[Tinks]

I dont think my husband knows the meaning of the word "maturity".