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Macca says to Roy Keane

THE SEVENTIES NORTH BANK

Life President⭐⭐
Joined
Dec 10, 2006
Messages
14,795
Location
SHOEBURY
''Hey Keano, why do scuba divers go backwards into the water'' ?
''Don't be silly Macca, if they went forward they would still be in the boat''.


''What's the difference between BSE and PMT'' ?
''That's easy Macca, one is a mad cow disease and the other has something to do with beef''.
 
Keano, I put Four worms into seperate jars.
The first worm in alcohol-Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke-Dead.
The third worm in chocolate syrup-Dead.
The fourth worm in good clean soil-Alive.


What can we learn from this Keano ?


Well Macca, as long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms !
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Me, Revs and Barnie did a women's *** size study. We asked a hundred female Southend fans how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting: 30% of women think their *** is too fat........10% of women think their *** is too skinny.
So come on Keano, what do you think the other 60% said of their *** ?




Well Macca, they probably said that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world !
 
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''What's moving about in that sack of yours Macca'', ''they're my new pet Ducks Keano''. ''I've always wanted pet Ducks Macca''.
''O.K., tell you what Keano, if you can guess how many Ducks are in my sack, you can have both of them''.

''FIVE'' shouts Keano.



What's your date of birth Roy ?
August the tenth.
What year ?
Every year.


When you crashed your Merc the other day, what gear was you in ?
Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


Can you give me an example of coincidence ?
That's easy Macca, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.
 
Macca: I heard that you was always late for school Keano, why was that ?
Keano: Because of the sign.
Macca: What sign ?
Keano: The one that says,''School Ahead, Go Slow.''


Macca:Why do you always tiptoe past the medicine cabinet ?
Keano: Because i don't want to wake up the sleeping pills!!


Macca: What does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do ?
Keano: Stays up all night and wonders if there really is a Dog.


Macca: What did the digital clock say to the analog clock ?
Keano: ''Look, No hands.''
 
What did the dire social sterotype say to the other dire social sterotype?

A completely s*** joke!
 
''Guess what happened to me the other day Keano ?''
''What happened ?''
''I was walking down the street and I heard some people chanting from over the fence,'' ''THIRTEEN, THIRTEEN, THIRTEEN''.

''I spotted a hole in the fence and put my eye to it, I just managed to spy some people when a finger came out of nowhere and poked me in the eye.''

''As I staggered back, I heard,'' ''FOURTEEN, FOURTEEN, FOURTEEN.''
 
''I had to sort out a problem with my girlfriend's car the other day Keano,''
Why, what was wrong with it Macca ?''
''Well, every time she turned left there was a loud CLUNK, and every time she turned right, another loud CLUNK.''
''How did you fix it Macca ?''





''I removed the Bowling Ball from the trunk.''
 
''Hey Macca, did I ever tell you what happened at half-time during a top of the table clash whilst playing for Man U.?''
''No, go on, tell me Keano.''
''Well, I came in at half-time and told Sir Alex that my bad knee was really hurting and that I would only be able to play the second half if I was given a Cortizone Injection.''



David Beckham then pipes up '' If that's the case, then I will only play the second half if I also get a New Car.''






''Then there was the time I went around to Posh and Beck's house.''
Victoria said ''Hello Roy, come through to the kitchen.'' ''GREEN SIDE UP'' she shouted.
''David will be in soon, he's just doing some gardening.'' ''GREEN SIDE UP'' she shouted towards the open window. ''Would you like a hot or cold drink whilst you are waiting?''
''GREEN SIDE UP,GREEN SIDE UP.''



''Why do you keep shouting Green side up Victoria?''
''Oh because, David's laying some new Turf.''

.
 
''Hey Macca, I've noticed that you talk a lot.''
''Well Keano, It's me family tradition.''
''What do you mean Macca?''
''Well, my Grandpa was a market stall holder, my father is a teacher and my mother is a woman.''
 
''Hey Keano, did I tell you about my ex-girlfriend ?'' ''No, go on Macca.''
''Well, she was standing naked in front of the mirror and said.''I look fat and out of shape. I'm feeling low right now, pay me a compliment''


So I said. ''Your eyes can see perfectly.''






''Did you know Keano, that my old aunties used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and say, ''You're next''
''How did you stop it Macca ?''



''They stopped after I did the same thing to them at funerals.''
 
''I heard a sorry tale from my friend the other day Keano.'' ''Go on Macca.''
He went into a bar and said, ''Give me Six double brandies and line them up please barman.'' ''Not like you, what's wrong?'' asked the barman.
''I've just found out that my younger brother is gay.''
The next day came and he went into the bar and said.''Six double brandies please barman.'' ''What's wrong now?'' said the barman.
''I've just found out my older brother is also gay.''
The third day came and he went into the bar and said. ''Six double brandies please barman'' The barman said. ''WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family fancy women?''





''There certainly is, I've just found out my wife does...''
 
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