Mad people you have/are dating/married to.

[Berrichonne shrimper]

The mighty shrimpers thread got me thinking of a old flame that was a real life honey nut loop.She came from a well to do family and lived in a big house and i was a council house scumbag that would never ever be good enough for her in the eyes of her father.
I dated her for a long 4 years until i plucked up the balls to dump her and kept all digits crossed that she wouldnt top herself.
Some of her highlights were the following,
Wait at the window and when she saw me coming would rush off and start playing the piano.
When i would leave she would follow me ten paces behind and when i stopped she would,this could last for a mile or so.
Even though i loved her she was mad maddie madster from madchester and at the age of 22 i had to leave her and shack up with her best mate whom i then married,ha that taught her.
It was good to watch her over the years with her new partners thinking to my self good luck fella,but of course as a true gent i still boffed her every now and then for old times sake.
Still on the bright side she did get me hooked on watersports so for that im gratefull(i think).
So lets have stories of your nutters male or female or even shemale.

 

[duncan bulgaria]

I once pulled a stunner a few years back who turned out to be a witch ....yes an actual Witch , I went round her house and in her bedroom she had a full size cardbord cut out of the fella ' ANgel' from Buff the vampire slayer !!

Even so i knew i had to at least get a bunk up out of her as she was decent looking with a peach of an arse , so one night a stayed round there and done the deed only to wake up midway through the night after her wacky candles had burnt out and nearly **** myself due to the big cardboard fella that i bumped into on route to tyghe toilet !!

She also blew out my Birthday on Halloween due to the fact that she was attending a witches new year seminar ......strange , strange girl she was .

Best part was that she was a Librarian and looked so angelic when going to work all smarted up !! Proper cuckoo lady .

 

[MK Shrimper]

I once pulled a stunner a few years back who turned out to be a witch ....yes an actual Witch , I went round her house and in her bedroom she had a full size cardbord cut out of the fella ' ANgel' from Buff the vampire slayer !!

Even so i knew i had to at least get a bunk up out of her as she was decent looking with a peach of an arse , so one night a stayed round there and done the deed only to wake up midway through the night after her wacky candles had burnt out and nearly **** myself due to the big cardboard fella that i bumped into on route to tyghe toilet !!

She also blew out my Birthday on Halloween due to the fact that she was attending a witches new year seminar ......strange , strange girl she was .

Best part was that she was a Librarian and looked so angelic when going to work all smarted up !! Proper cuckoo lady .

Or just a Goth?

 

[EastStandBlue]

I was stalked for a bit while I was at Uni... I posted about it on here but cant be bothered to find it. She was proper mental.

 

[Berrichonne shrimper]

I once pulled a stunner a few years back who turned out to be a witch ....yes an actual Witch , I went round her house and in her bedroom she had a full size cardbord cut out of the fella ' ANgel' from Buff the vampire slayer !!

Even so i knew i had to at least get a bunk up out of her as she was decent looking with a peach of an arse , so one night a stayed round there and done the deed only to wake up midway through the night after her wacky candles had burnt out and nearly **** myself due to the big cardboard fella that i bumped into on route to tyghe toilet !!

She also blew out my Birthday on Halloween due to the fact that she was attending a witches new year seminar ......strange , strange girl she was .

Best part was that she was a Librarian and looked so angelic when going to work all smarted up !! Proper cuckoo lady .

OH MY DIGGY GOD my mad lady is a librarian also,must be a job thing.

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

I was stalked for a bit while I was at Uni... I posted about it on here but cant be bothered to find it. She was proper mental.

The search function is pretty easy to use, you know...

clicky

clicky 2

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

Still on the bright side she did get me hooked on watersports so for that im gratefull(i think).

I thought we weren't allowed to talk about pornography on here?

 

[duncan bulgaria]

Or just a Goth?

Just not your typical Goth ....Blonde hair , Blue eyes , never dressed like one either ......so maybe a closet Goth would be a better descripation , all i know was that her weirdness outweighed her looks so she had to go !

 

[Berrichonne shrimper]

I thought we weren't allowed to talk about pornography on here?

How do you get porn from wake boarding and canoeing,only in east london i suppose.

 

[osymandus]

Just not your typical Goth ....Blonde hair , Blue eyes , never dressed like one either ......so maybe a closet Goth would be a better descripation , all i know was that her weirdness outweighed her looks so she had to go !

Just sounds like a Wiccan to me ?

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

How do you get porn from wake boarding and canoeing,only in east london i suppose.

Well, put it this way - don't google 'watersports' if you're at work.

 

[duncan bulgaria]

Yeah also if your planning on getting a gold shower unit ...( don't know why you would ) but obviously wouldn't type in Golden Shower whislt at work .

 

[Kenny]

dated a girl about 5 years ago who had no tact whatsover. Within 5 minutes of being introduced to my slightly portly Brother in Law she was calling him Jelly Belly (to his face) and upon arriving at my mates party she walked straight in and laughed at the size of the ladies underwear on the radiator - they were the hosts fiances. She also showed the same signs of obssessive behavious if I didn't reply to texts within 10 minutes as Mighty Shrimpers ex. And to cap it all off she totally hated being 2nd place behind the Blues! She still randomly drunken texts me every now and then wanting me to take her out for dinner. Maaaad as a hatter.

 

[DTS]

I ended up going out with a total nutter for about 9 months.

Must have been six years or so ago maybe less cant really recall. Anyway I was working in the city at the time and would think of myself as really living the city lifestyle. I was getting up at six am to go to the gym, straight to my desk to make as much money as possible in a day and then out on the **** in the pm.

Week before I had met the nutter I had been on a date with some clunge from Rochford. Anyway missed me last train home on that date and ended up staying at a mates in Upminster so this particualr night I decided to get the train early.

Drinking from 5-11pm on a Thursday always fun. Got to London Bridge and spotted a pretty blonde with a massive massive set on the platfrom but really skinny. At the time I felt sure could close ANY deal so I decided to have a crack.

I am always funnier when I am ****ed and within ten mins I had her number. She got off the train at Croydon and blew me a kiss. I was so not that bothered I moved down the train as soon as the train left East Croydon and chatted up another bird who I also ended up getting hold of later on - that is how little it meant.

The bird from Croydon and I met the following week at one of the bars near Bank. No word of a lie she takes her coat off and I am hooked by these mamoth breasts. Had my mate lined up to text me at 7pm in case she was a nutter on the frst date but all went well. Few dates later done the deed etc. Now to me it was just some action but to her it meant a lot more.

I then snapped my left knee in two after a shocking challenge playing football. I was off work for six weeks and had an operation a week after the injury. It was a pretty low time. I was 24 and used to being out every night with a wedge in my pocket to spend. All the sudden the highlight of my day was a mate coming over for a cup of tea and some playstation. I was seriously gutted.

Anyway the Nutter from Croydon really came into her own. She started coming over to see me and in fairness it made the six weeks pass really fast. Nothing seedy but she would come over and we would watch a DVD etc. Even though I now hate this nutter I am still grateful for that.

Six weeks later I am fit again and back in the city. The whole six weeks this bird from Croydon has been saying to me "Are we going out now" etc - I used the old "I am still in love with my old bird" which of course is men code for not a ****ing chance love.

Anyway somehow she wore me down and I agreed we were going out. At the same time a saucy bird from Wickford and another from somewhere West London started at work so being a man about town I have a crack at them both.They both make it clear on our first work night out they both like me and both are putty in my hands. So not only am I seeing some bird from Croydon I dont really care about I am also sort of seeing a bird from Wickford and this bird from West London. Both of whom are friends and of course cant each other there seeing me.

So i am living this triple life for about a month or two and got to be honest I loved it. Only problem was I was spending half my time staying over the croydon birds as it was easier than coming back to brighton every night. Of course I cant tell anyone at work (bar my old work mates Benny boy and Hornchurch Matt) and I cant leave my phone on as I am getting all manner of smutty texts from various birds - ****ing mental time in my life.

Anyway the Croydon brid is getting suspicious so she starts her plan to find out what is going on. this included.

1) Texting me from her sisters phone to ask me for a date pretending to be a customer
2) Her keep turning up in any bar I happened to mention I was going too by chance
3) Asking for Dad of DtS number so she can check on me when I am at Roots Hall.
4) Telling me she was going to get my name tatooed on her back and wanting me to do the same with her name
5) Calling my boss at 7pm in the office and asking what time i left the office and then asking if I was on my own when I left.

Anyway last about eight months. She must have meant something to me as she met Dad of DtS twice I think but in the end her madness got to much and after a home defeat went over to hers and got my stuff.

She wouldnt accept it and told me she would kill herself.She then got naked and todl me to have her one last time, She then grabbed my legs and refused to let me walk like a small child would, I finally made the break by basically pushing her over (in a gentleish way) and legging it. I got back to Sandersted station which was her local. it was only 2 mins from her flat and the info board said the train to Croydon was due in two mins.

The next two mins were like something out of a horror film. Just as I saw the train in the distance I saw her running towards me. The train took an age to get there and the platform was crowded with people heading into the city. " Daaavvvvveeeeee" she screamed " I lvoe you dont go".......I was like **** me hurry up train.

As it pulled in and the doors opened up I got on the train. I saw her running over the footbridge calling my name. Thank the lord the doors shut just before she got there. I sat down feeling safe. She then basically flung herself against the window screaming "I love you......". The train pulled off and she ran along the platform banging on the window like a nutter.

I got home and she called me and said she was coming down to sort it out as we "had to be together" - She also said no-one else could have me if she couldnt. I thought **** that and cleared off back to Dads in Hullbridge for a week to get away from the silly bitch. I am still scared as **** to ever see her again to the point where despite being an obvious change point on my train home I wont get off at Croydon unless I really have too.

Since then she quit her job and became a lap dancer in Croydon and she appears in a lot of the mens mags with the Charlies out. I can honestly say what a lucky escape it was. She tried to request me as a friend on facebook and even in her photo you can both see her massive set and that she is a nutter.

 

[Mighty Shrimper]

One of my ex's told me she'd had a couple of dreams where she'd slept with my dad, always made sure he was never around after that when I knew she would be.

 

[duncan bulgaria]

I ended up going out with a total nutter for about 9 months.

Must have been six years or so ago maybe less cant really recall. Anyway I was working in the city at the time and would think of myself as really living the city lifestyle. I was getting up at six am to go to the gym, straight to my desk to make as much money as possible in a day and then out on the **** in the pm.

Week before I had met the nutter I had been on a date with some clunge from Rochford. Anyway missed me last train home on that date and ended up staying at a mates in Upminster so this particualr night I decided to get the train early.

Drinking from 5-11pm on a Thursday always fun. Got to London Bridge and spotted a pretty blonde with a massive massive set on the platfrom but really skinny. At the time I felt sure could close ANY deal so I decided to have a crack.

I am always funnier when I am ****ed and within ten mins I had her number. She got off the train at Croydon and blew me a kiss. I was so not that bothered I moved down the train as soon as the train left East Croydon and chatted up another bird who I also ended up getting hold of later on - that is how little it meant.

The bird from Croydon and I met the following week at one of the bars near Bank. No word of a lie she takes her coat off and I am hooked by these mamoth breasts. Had my mate lined up to text me at 7pm in case she was a nutter on the frst date but all went well. Few dates later done the deed etc. Now to me it was just some action but to her it meant a lot more.

I then snapped my left knee in two after a shocking challenge playing football. I was off work for six weeks and had an operation a week after the injury. It was a pretty low time. I was 24 and used to being out every night with a wedge in my pocket to spend. All the sudden the highlight of my day was a mate coming over for a cup of tea and some playstation. I was seriously gutted.

Anyway the Nutter from Croydon really came into her own. She started coming over to see me and in fairness it made the six weeks pass really fast. Nothing seedy but she would come over and we would watch a DVD etc. Even though I now hate this nutter I am still grateful for that.

Six weeks later I am fit again and back in the city. The whole six weeks this bird from Croydon has been saying to me "Are we going out now" etc - I used the old "I am still in love with my old bird" which of course is men code for not a ****ing chance love.

Anyway somehow she wore me down and I agreed we were going out. At the same time a saucy bird from Wickford and another from somewhere West London started at work so being a man about town I have a crack at them both.They both make it clear on our first work night out they both like me and both are putty in my hands. So not only am I seeing some bird from Croydon I dont really care about I am also sort of seeing a bird from Wickford and this bird from West London. Both of whom are friends and of course cant each other there seeing me.

So i am living this triple life for about a month or two and got to be honest I loved it. Only problem was I was spending half my time staying over the croydon birds as it was easier than coming back to brighton every night. Of course I cant tell anyone at work (bar my old work mates Benny boy and Hornchurch Matt) and I cant leave my phone on as I am getting all manner of smutty texts from various birds - ****ing mental time in my life.

Anyway the Croydon brid is getting suspicious so she starts her plan to find out what is going on. this included.

1) Texting me from her sisters phone to ask me for a date pretending to be a customer
2) Her keep turning up in any bar I happened to mention I was going too by chance
3) Asking for Dad of DtS number so she can check on me when I am at Roots Hall.
4) Telling me she was going to get my name tatooed on her back and wanting me to do the same with her name
5) Calling my boss at 7pm in the office and asking what time i left the office and then asking if I was on my own when I left.

Anyway last about eight months. She must have meant something to me as she met Dad of DtS twice I think but in the end her madness got to much and after a home defeat went over to hers and got my stuff.

She wouldnt accept it and told me she would kill herself.She then got naked and todl me to have her one last time, She then grabbed my legs and refused to let me walk like a small child would, I finally made the break by basically pushing her over (in a gentleish way) and legging it. I got back to Sandersted station which was her local. it was only 2 mins from her flat and the info board said the train to Croydon was due in two mins.

The next two mins were like something out of a horror film. Just as I saw the train in the distance I saw her running towards me. The train took an age to get there and the platform was crowded with people heading into the city. " Daaavvvvveeeeee" she screamed " I lvoe you dont go".......I was like **** me hurry up train.

As it pulled in and the doors opened up I got on the train. I saw her running over the footbridge calling my name. Thank the lord the doors shut just before she got there. I sat down feeling safe. She then basically flung herself against the window screaming "I love you......". The train pulled off and she ran along the platform banging on the window like a nutter.

I got home and she called me and said she was coming down to sort it out as we "had to be together" - She also said no-one else could have me if she couldnt. I thought **** that and cleared off back to Dads in Hullbridge for a week to get away from the silly bitch. I am still scared as **** to ever see her again to the point where despite being an obvious change point on my train home I wont get off at Croydon unless I really have too.

Since then she quit her job and became a lap dancer in Croydon and she appears in a lot of the mens mags with the Charlies out. I can honestly say what a lucky escape it was. She tried to request me as a friend on facebook and even in her photo you can both see her massive set and that she is a nutter.

Tee me up then fella , sounds like a blast !!

 

[Strykr]

cracking yarns, killed some time on a monday at work!

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

IShe tried to request me as a friend on facebook and even in her photo you can both see her massive set and that she is a nutter.

Maybe those of us on FB should request her and see how mentale she really is ;)

Will green this when I'm allowed to!

 

[jassyfa1]

My ex wife was a right nutter.
I met her in a club in Chelmsford one saturday night after travelling back from a defeat at Bristol City (circa 1993). At first everything was normal and I would travel from Southend to a little village called Mundon near Maldon to see her. the main problem was trying to shag her as she kept on refusing sating she wanted to be engaged before she lost her cherry (yes she was older than 16), I quickly poped an old coke ring on her finger as a laugh and said would that do. next thing I have her mum and dad congratulating me in getting engaged. Now most people would stop and start to run a mile, but not stupid old me. A quick engagement party later and I was trapped. I was advised to move in with my her and her family, miles from any of my mates and miles from work. Not having a pair of balls at that time, I agreed and soon it was games of monolopoly with her and her parents while all I wanted to do is sleep. With a job that started at 5am and 4am on a Saturdays I was always tired as it was near on a hour travelling each way, and usally the job finished around 5pm. add to the fact that other half worked in Chelmsford and I had to pick her up at midnight when she finished her shift, from Pizza Hut.
soon the other half wanted to move to Chelmsford and we got a flat in Great Baddow which lasted 6 months as she kept on knocking on the ceiling to annoy the upstairs neighbours.
By this time I was totally fed up with the whole thing and wanted out, although the other half never took the hints, such as "the relationship isnt working I want out", it also didnt help when her and her family decided to book up the church and a local pub for the celebrations. The other thing with her family is that they her dad was ex army and her 2 older sons had followed him and joined the army. The oldest surviveda bombin gin Northern Ireland and come back home before moving as far as way from the rest of the family as possible, the other become a total nightmare although he was a debt collector at 16 (the sort you see in violent films). With him threatening to shoot me and my family if I didnt go through with the wedding I was totaly stuck.
So wedding day, reception get drunk then get woken up by my wife at 4am as she needed some sanutary towels (lovely).
Speeding up the story, we got a flat in Southend, she couldn't keep a job, getting sacked from an off licence, Lidls and McDonalds while spending my wages on fags and magazines. Her spending got so bad, when I come home work one day she had sold mu push bike for fags (I dont smoke) and often it was a chocolate bar for dinner.
Then the worst thing ever happened she got pregnant. The only good thing about this is that she was always ill and going to A+E. Now if there is opne thing the wife had knowledge in was A+E and medical conditions, I had been in A+E at southend with her as she thought she had meningitis and was so much pain when they said she had to wait for a lumber puncture ( a big needle into your spine) she got up and went for a fag. She has had various operations always with some sort of side effects when a family member was visiting but never when she was by herself.
Eventually my daughter was born, which caused more trips to the hospital, and soon both my daughter and my wife were staying in hospital with phamton problems.
After 2 years and 1 week of marriage I left, when I got home from work and the local drug user was baby sitting my daughter.

Today I dont see my daughter as my ex wants more money from me (yes I pay the CSA). My ex has been on GMTV as she was stung by a wasp and had an allergic reaction and my daughter rung the emergency number. The ex due to the amount of operations and emergency visits to A+E is now barred from ceratin hospitals and the emergency services are aware of her. She has a superpubic catheter, home oxygen (she still smokes like a trooper), zimmer frame and walking sticks commode, incontinent pads, bath hoist and other equipment, and yet she is under 40 years old.
With all that equipment you would think she is house bound, but no she still does church plays and walk to the shops unaided when nobody is visiting.

 

[MK Shrimper]

Friend of a friend used to be with a woman who used to try and stick cotton buds up his japs-eye when he was asleep.

Must of liked it - I think he married her.