Making a show of yourself

[TrueBlue]

Here is what happened...

Last night down at TBTV HQ, I had a few select friends over for a BBQ and **** up, well one of my good friends Mr. CS Schnider was talking about his woman hes been with since x-mas fair play to the lad, but shes got baggage (a 10 month old baby) now I love this fella as a mate but last night turned into a punch up in my lounge.
Am I to blame?... well yes and no I had alot of beers to that night, Nelson Mandella to be honnest and the talk has gone on to his bird and the baby hes saying to be its my baby blah blah blah like he is the father! this I would normaly commend stepping into a relationship where a child already is but I started mouthing at him about how the child has the right to decide wether to call you her dad or not rather then it being forced apon her, the real father is still about only just though!
Now the shamefull bit....
CS Schnider then gets the hump and lamps me one knocking me flying good shot but a cheap one! I picked myself up and done a sort of mortal kombat uppercut *MISSING HIM* spinning round then falling through a paste table where i had set all the beer cans up! I was dazed expecting a voice from the sky to say ***FINNISH HIM*** Mortal Kombat style alas he left me there got a cab home with all the others looking at me like I am a prat (which to be fair aint far off the point)

Anyhow now my pride, respect and my left cheek bone have all been hurt I throw this question to the floor... Could you take on somebody elses baby and feel and treat it just like your own? or would there always be something in the back of your head saying its not mine??

 

[Cricko2]

I dont think you treat any child that is not your own as your own, but you do the best you can to do so...I have been in that position and the difficult thing is...If you dont stay with that person in the long term, break up at some stage and are no longer allowed to see that child you have either treated as you own or got very close to. Of course I agree it is upto the child to decide to call you dad or not..but that all depends on the age. Most very young children adapt quickly especially if the father is not about. Older Children are different and if they are aware there real father left them are going to be very untrustworthy of you for a time. As for your friend Scott I guess he has to learn for himself mate.

 

[RobM]

People come as a package. You love them or not overall. You can't pick and choose parts. My lady has 2 kids, 3 cats. She has cancer. Do I love her? Yes I do. In a perfect world I'd change things (as she would).

People are like holidays (trust me on this one!), you might like the resort, the weather but the flight time is 0400. Do you take the package overall?

 

[Cricko2]

People come as a package. You love them or not overall. You can't pick and choose parts. My lady has 2 kids, 3 cats. She has cancer. Do I love her? Yes I do. In a perfect world I'd change things (as she would).

People are like holidays (trust me on this one!), you might like the resort, the weather but the flight time is 0400. Do you take the package overall?

Odd comparison. You say its a package then you spilt it as choosing parts of a holiday. Maybe if you had said fully inclusive...I agree if you take on a lady that has previous "history" or for that matter you might have yourself, it is a total commitment to all. I think in Trueblues case his mate and himself are far younger than you and I. Hindsight and experience is a wonderful thing.

 

[DTS]

Personally I think its an age thing. When I was 20-21 say there is no way in the world I would ever have entertined this sort of thing. As I get older i still feel the same but not as anti it as I used to be.

As you get older it is a fact of life that a lot of women have kids but on this on True Blue I am with you i dont think I could love it to the degree I maybe should.

 

[RobM]

Yes I am an older (I prefer the term "life-experienced!") chap." As you get older it is a fact of life that a lot of women have kids" is true but so do men (unless there's a different way!). Experience is indeed a wonderful thing, maybe someone can benefit from ours.

Sorry to get deep and heavy on a Sunday morning!

RobM.

 

[Shrimp_Stu]

Anyone can be a father, but it takes a man to be a dad.

 

[Dept36]

T.B you mugged your mate off,get on the phone eat a slice of humble pie and apologise,even if you dont really 100% think you are wrong.
ROBM for godsake get rid of the cats,they are vermin.

 

[ldnfatso]

What the f*** has is got to do with you TB? If he wants to treat the kid as his own, thats commendable. Surely its for the kid to decide whether to accept your mate as her dad or not. Sure, she will know the truth sooner or later but for the benefit of the kid it's better to have stable parents even if the father is not a blood relative than a rocky relationship where the kid maybe ignored and not loved.

Yes, you maybe his mate but you haven't got the right to decide what's best for him. He's not your puppet!

 

[A Century United]

Both my kids are adopted. This makes the situation simpler, I will admit, because neither of their dads have ever been around, but I don't think I could love them any more if they were my flesh and blood - they are my kids, I have taken on full responsibility for them, and they are my family, pure and simple.

To add to that, I think that it is admirable that Scott's friend is prepared to make that sort of commitment, and fair play to him. However, in his situation what happens if he then splits from this lady? How fair is it to present yourself as "Dad" when a few months down the line you could be out the door? This is a tricky one but where you aren't prepared to commit yourself to marriage or adoption then you are risking causing extra unhappiness to the child if you do ever leave. There is a family in the village here where the woman has 6 kids by 5 different dads. Her youngest boy is on to his third "Dad", because she insists that he call her boyfriends dad. It really isn't good for him, and it shows in his insecurities.

 

[TrueBlue]

What the f*** has is got to do with you TB? If he wants to treat the kid as his own, thats commendable. Surely its for the kid to decide whether to accept your mate as her dad or not. Sure, she will know the truth sooner or later but for the benefit of the kid it's better to have stable parents even if the father is not a blood relative than a rocky relationship where the kid maybe ignored and not loved.

Yes, you maybe his mate but you haven't got the right to decide what's best for him. He's not your puppet!

Hey hey calm down I understand as I said in the post above if sober the best of luck to him!!! Its a prime example when drink and turn things very nasty.

 

[TrueBlue]

Both my kids are adopted. This makes the situation simpler, I will admit, because neither of their dads have ever been around, but I don't think I could love them any more if they were my flesh and blood - they are my kids, I have taken on full responsibility for them, and they are my family, pure and simple.

To add to that, I think that it is admirable that Scott's friend is prepared to make that sort of commitment, and fair play to him. However, in his situation what happens if he then splits from this lady? How fair is it to present yourself as "Dad" when a few months down the line you could be out the door? This is a tricky one but where you aren't prepared to commit yourself to marriage or adoption then you are risking causing extra unhappiness to the child if you do ever leave. There is a family in the village here where the woman has 6 kids by 5 different dads. Her youngest boy is on to his third "Dad", because she insists that he call her boyfriends dad. It really isn't good for him, and it shows in his insecurities.

Spot on what I am trying to get at - how close do you get? he is only 20 which from what I can tell is one hell of a lot to take on at his age, I would just hate for him to turn round to me and say a few years down the line that he wasted his early adulthood?!

 

[A Century United]

Spot on what I am trying to get at - how close do you get? he is only 20 which from what I can tell is one hell of a lot to take on at his age, I would just hate for him to turn round to me and say a few years down the line that he wasted his early adulthood?!

Agree, Scott, it is about how close you get. But I think the really important thing here is not what's best for your friend but what is best for the kid. And I think that unless your friend is absolutely certain he is going to be around for that wee girl for the rest of his life, he should step back from completely taking on the role of her dad. Surely it will be good for her to have a positive male role model, but like an uncle would IMHO be more appropriate at this stage.

 

[davewebbsbrain]

I always stick by my good friends, whatever it is....Seems to me, you are not very loyal, or you don't view your good friend as much of a good friend as you thought!!!

 

[ldnfatso]

Hey hey calm down I understand as I said in the post above if sober the best of luck to him!!! Its a prime example when drink and turn things very nasty.

Perhaps you should lay off the booze or better still engage your brain before opening your mouth then.

 

[DTS]

Perhaps you should lay off the booze or better still engage your brain before opening your mouth then.

Say what you think then Steve.:guns:

 

[Prodigal Son]

Spot on what I am trying to get at - how close do you get? he is only 20 which from what I can tell is one hell of a lot to take on at his age, I would just hate for him to turn round to me and say a few years down the line that he wasted his early adulthood?!

If he is living with her it's probably going to happen naturally,he is very young to settle down, so stick around and be there for him,it's the kid who needs the love though and iy's really up to his Mum, let's hope she is sensible.


TBTV,given our history, might need to rethink that summer drink!

 

[mattytheshrimper]

actually made me proper chuckly with true blues decription of what happened and the mortal combat style ****. well funny stuff!

 

[callan]

Taking a baby on is a huge responsibilty fullstop, albeit your own or somebody else's.
From your mates point of view, if he is taking on all of this responsibility then as a mate he's going to need your support.

 

[CS_Scneid]

well im sorrie for knocking u out pal.