Most annoying people on radio

[C C Csiders]

After last week's annoying TV faces I turn my attention to radio.

Who do you find the most aggravating voices on the old wireless?

My 1, 2, 3:

1. Steve Wright, Radio 2

An aggravating short-arsed, big-nosed ****. If surrounding himself with his 'posse' all laughing at his jokes wasn't bad enough, he has the gall to conclude his show with "all material is copyright" - as if anyone would want to steal that trash.

But, the worst thing about him is when I heard him state on his radio show that he was born, was brought-up, and had lived all his life in London. Well, that was a bloody long way to go to school from London to Eastwood High. Why be so ashamed of Southend you to55er? He also once said to a contestant on one of his competition's who was from Southend, that Southend was the place where all seagulls flew upside down.

Get him off the radio. Nosher.

2. Martin Day, Essex FM. Self-explanatory!

3. Mike Dicken, Ian Collins, James Whale, Mike Parry*, TalkSport (*delete as applicable). Encompassing all four of these self-opinionated pillocks in the one bracket. Why do they all think there far-right wing opinions should be foisted on us. It could be, of course, that they are frightened of the wrath of the station controller Kelvin McKenzie - who is to free-thinking what King herod was to babysitting.

 

[Song of the South Upper]

1) Scott Mills, Radio 1 - A poor man's Chris Moyles.

2) Chris Moyles, Radio 1 - Odious, self-obsessed f*ckwit, surrounded by sycophants like "Comedy" Dave, who himself is surely the most poorly-named comedy sidekick in existence.

3) DJ Spoony - How the hell has this man ended up on 606? Represents all the 'new' Arsenal/Chelsea fans, does Sky's job for them by never referring to pre-Premier$hite football, and generally comes across as being as thick as two extremely short planks. Think I may have answered my own question there...

Honourable mentions: Martin Day, Tim Westwood, Zane Lowe, the Tit that does Invicta's breakfast show...


Can we do Newspapers next week? Already starting my attack on Littlejohn...

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

1) Vernon Kaye, as was stated in last week's thread, he's an over-important egotistical muppet who loves the sound of his own whining northern voice. Plus he has NO musical taste whatsoever.

2) Sara Cox, female version of Vernon but with an added annoying combination of screech & lisp.

3) I can't decide whether to go for Jo Whiley or Lauren Laverne here. Now LL is fit as the proverbial butcher's dog & there's something in a MILF/hippy chick kind of way that attracts me to JW. But, I can't forgive Jo for how she's sold out over the past 5 years as well as her annoying royal fawning over people like Bono & Chris Martin. In terms of Lauren, she's only on radio as her stage-fright got the better of her and she can hide behind her mic & ramble away but sometimes (such as 2 weeks ago) she goes too far! Basically she said she was window shopping in Hoxton the day London was awarded the Olympics and she thought it was "9/11" 2 when people came out screaming onto the streets. How prophectic considering what happened 20 hours later!

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

1. Garry Richardson - covered at length in my telly rant

2. Victoria Derbyshire - again, covered at length in my telly rant

3. Alan Green - what a total knobjockey that man is.  Loves Man U but hates Fergie; and treates the rest of the League outside the Premier$hite with almost avuncular, patronising disdain... "there, there little boy, go and play with your inconsequential team."   Then, when you think it couldn't get any worse, he tries to commentate on golf...  What a total and utter p%&*k.

...and breathe...

 

[C C Csiders]

Quote[/b] (Matt the Shrimp @ July 18 2005,16:18)]3. Alan Green - Then, when you think it couldn't get any worse, he tries to commentate on golf...  What a total and utter p%&*k.

...and breathe...

I have ranted on here about Green (and his syrup) before, and he would have been #4 on my list.

But, how stupid an idea is golf on the radio - it's like having a ventriloquist act on the radio.

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

Quote[/b] (C C Csiders @ July 18 2005,16:29)]But, how stupid an idea is golf on the radio - it's like having a ventriloquist act on the radio.

To those of us who've grown up with TV, sport on radio is a frustrating beast.  It's the skill of the commentator to portray exactly what's going on in an informative & entertaining fashion & if this is the case, any sport can come across well.

Something that "Greeny" tends to underachieve at !!!

I'd still rather suffer him than Lawrenson or Gray's half-ar5ed attempts at punditry during England games for example (where I've been known to mute the TV & fire up the DAB).

 

[* ORM *]

Don't get me started on Alan Green - he would be my #1, 2 and 3.

Great call for most of those on TalkSport but you appear to have missed out Alan Brazil and Alvin Martin from the list. They may have been decent players in the past but how the hell are these guys paid for imposing their opinions (or in Alvin's case fence-sitting) on us.

 

[Hong Kong Blue]

1. Pretty much every 6-0-6 presenter since Baker & Kelly. In particular Littlejohn, Mellor and Spoony.
2. Talksport. How can such a good concept go so badly wrong? Step forward Chris Cowdrey, Alan Brazil, Alvin Martin and friends.
3. Alan Green. Dire. Utter rubbish. No that doesn't describe the game you are watching, it describes your commentary.

Just missed out
=4. BBC Essex's Paul Napper & Essex FM's Paul Napper. Always on the radio, knows nothing about football.

 

[Napster]

Quote[/b] (Hong Kong Blue @ July 18 2005,17:33)]Just missed out
=4. BBC Essex's Paul Napper & Essex FM's Paul Napper. Always on the radio, knows nothing about football.

 

[Sussex Shrimper]

1. Colin Murray - token Celt / C**t with no discernable talent. Was probably the kind of self-acclaimed comedian who got his head flushed three times a day regular at school.

2. Alan Brazil - "By the way, three more bombs were unleashed on Turkey last night". $%&*.

3. Generic local radio DJ - They all blend into one, it's a matter of time before they're replaced with machines, like in The Simpsons.

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

Quote[/b] (Sussex Shrimper @ July 18 2005,17:55)]1. Colin Murray - token Celt / C**t with no discernable talent. Was probably the kind of self-acclaimed comedian who got his head flushed three times a day regular at school.

You mean Colin Murray who shares the airwaves with the delectable Edith Bowman? Pretty sure he's not a Celt, think he's actually a mad Liverpool fan which is why they had that thing going on around last Xmas where Edith had convinced Paul Dalglish that Colin was stalking Kelly. Murray was bricking it, particularly when Kenny phoned him up on New Years Eve

Now, if it's Celtic supporting radio tw@ts you're after, how about stroker extrordinaire Dominik Diamond?

 

[ESG]

1. Martin Day

2. Anyone on Talk sport

3. Allan Green

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

Chris Moyles

Chris Moyles

Chris Moyles

WS

 

[Smudger]

1. Edith Bowman - Without a shadow of a doubt the most unfunny, irritating $%&* on radio. She can listen to puerile poppy pap and still call it AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING, FANTASTIC etc etc, never misses a chance to state the obvious and is carried through the whole show by Colin Murray who at least knows how to tell a gag. Get her off. In fact I would actually cycle her back to Scotland on my handlebars if it meant I never had to see or hear that c%&t ever again.....

2. Zane Lowe - yes, yes, yes, we know you're down with the kids and all their favourite bands but put a sock in your pretentious banter for five minutes - you make me want to vom.

3. Martin Day - We'rrrrrrrrrrrrrrre KRAZEEEEEE!!! This man represents everything people leave Essex to escape. He's thick, smug and 10000% unfunny.

Brilliant thread this - feel much better now.

 

[C C Csiders]

Quote[/b] (* ORM * @ July 18 2005,17:10)]Don't get me started on Alan Green - he would be my #1, 2 and 3.

Great call for most of those on TalkSport but you appear to have missed out Alan Brazil and Alvin Martin from the list. They may have been decent players in the past but how the hell are these guys paid for imposing their opinions (or in Alvin's case fence-sitting) on us.

I don't think that Alan Brazil or Alvin Martin (add Ray Houghton and especially (when he was on) Tony Cascarino to the list) are aggravating.

I just think that they are a complete embarrassment.

 

[C C Csiders]

Left off of my list, but with hindsight should have been #1 is the bloke who commentates on Col Ewe on BBC Essex - Neale Kelly. This man is the biggest (add your own expletive) going.

Anyone, that can state/shout quite seriously during a Col Ewe commentary that (and when he was playing for Col Ewe) "Lomano Tresor Lua Lua is surely one of the greatest players in the world today" should be shot.

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

Quote[/b] (Smudger @ July 19 2005,09:32)]1. Edith Bowman

I'd do her!

 

[Smudger]

Quote[/b] (glasgowsufc @ July 19 2005,10:23)]

Quote[/b] (Smudger @ July 19 2005,09:32)]1. Edith Bowman

I'd do her!

I guess at least you know she'd say you were amaaaaaaaaazing even if you had just come in from the pub and mirrored a harrowing ITV drama of the mid eighties. You know, the one where the woman in question has a terrible, painful to watch, 30 second shag with her uncaring, drunken husband. Usually (especially if it was written by a female) this would be the pre-cursor to a whirlwind affair with a caring, sober metrosexual and an hour of pap TV that only your mum likes.

 

[TrueBlue]

Quote[/b] ]stroker extrordinaire Dominik Diamond?

Reminds me of Games Master! ohh the days!

 

[Interpol Shrimper]

Quote[/b] (TrueBlue @ July 19 2005,14:07)]

Quote[/b] ]stroker extrordinaire Dominik Diamond?

Reminds me of Games Master! ohh the days!

Wasn't David Walliams (of Little Britain fame) in Gamesmaster or was that the Sky One gaming show that was on during the early/mid 90s?

I remember Patrick Moore was THE gamesmaster though!