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My first go at internet banking!


Apr 11, 2005
I am not a dinosaur (my kids my think differently) but after changing banks I now have access to online banking. I no what you are all going to say..."I was doing all my accounts this way years ago, blah, blah blah" but truthfully I just never had the time or could be bothered and did not see the point. The beloved used to look after this department with anything technical, I just payed the bills and that was always fine by me but as we no longer bank with the same bank she copt a stropy and flatly refused. Anyway I had to pay Mssrs H.M.R.C (Bit like ron really) there wack for this year and decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns and give it ago.
I logged in which took me best part of 15 mins as I could not remember the password and after going threw several checks was at "Defcom 5". It all seemed so easy but I had to get this calculater thingy out which preprogrammed a random number and that could only be accepted and the transaction could go threw, great I thought. An hour later and two phone calls it seemed that I had not activated my account and needed to go through it all again" We are now at "Defcom 4".
My arse feeling deader than a "Scott vernon polldriver" was a small burden as another hour had elapsed and stress levels was rising. I had bypassed "Defcom 3" and was firmly at 2 and loseing the will to live when the page came up" Make transaction" yes I thought so I plummed in the name ("I thought") of the person and account to send to, the amount, and clicked. It then said "Payment completed.........completed, hang on a mo, I have not put in an account number yet or reference number, so what do you mean completed.
"Defcom 1" had been reached without batting an eyelid and I had visions of some Eastern european with no teeth Laughing his bollocks off at a few grand whisking its way into his bank account. I grabbed the phone and rang customer services, which put me on hold and when I did get through I was passed from "Calcutta" to "New delhi" on to "Madras" and finished up in "Bangalore" Where after several non plussed minutes of confused mumbling was whisked (transferred) back to blighty.
"How can we help you he said" Well, I tried making a payment, blah blah, blah bleating out every miserable second I had spent at my computer trying to do something that most people find easy, " Before we start I need to ask you some security questions....ffs, my hard earned wonga is at this moment being withdrawn by some slovakian in prussia and you want me remember a question I could'nt three hours ago. Several attempts later we were in, and he pulled up my account and had a butchers. I see, yes you have transfered an amount to an account, let me see he said.
I am now Sweating pofuisely ,trying to grasp the situation that was upon me thinking how I can tell the beloved that" Portugal is cancelled and christmas is not looking good either when he said" I see whats happened" Can you? Please tell me whats happened " It has gone into account number *********** a Mr ******. Hang on a cottoning picking minute I recognise that name.... It was me! I had simply transferred money from one of my accounts to the other.
Moral of the story is..."Either by the beloved a new dress and shoes" or try and find the paying in book!
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