fbm
Blue tinted optimist⭐
Well, I’ve just got to share this with you all. Me and my friend Malcolm went to Colchester last night to see the MIGHTY BLUES dump Col U out of the LDV Trophy. Again. <snigger>
Anyway, it is a night neither of us shall forget for more than one reason.
I picked him up at about 6 from his house in Westcliff and happily fed into my all-singing-all-dancing satellite navigation system Layer Road in Colchester. Initially it wasn’t giving me Layer Rd as an option for the road name and I had to do a search for it. Funny, that, I thought.
Anyway off we headed and as soon as we got to the A12 it started to try and divert us off the A12 towards Tiptree and Maldon. Now I’d never been to Layer Rd but I was fairly certain it was in Colchester! So we ignored it and stayed on the A12. Four junctions (and four ignored calls to turn left later from my talking computerised navigator) we decided to take the plunge and headed off towards Kelvedon. There must be a sneaky back route we thought. As soon as we got into Kelvedon there was a right turn towards Tiptree and Maldon with a pub on the corner. The Sat Nav told us to go towards Tiptree and Maldon again. As it was about 7 o’clock and ko wasn’t until 8, we had loads of time and so Malc suggested a quick refreshment stop and perhaps ask the publican. Nice chap he was too; told us to stay on the straight road, rejoin the A12, take the Halstead turnoff and then follow the signs for Lexden. We would then just come across the ground. I mentioned that there must be another Layer Rd because my Sat Nav was sending me towards Tiptree. “Oh.no”, he said “You can go that way as well… it just takes you around the back roads. There’s no other Layer Rd.”
Remember that phrase…
We ignored Sat Nav (yet again) and took the publicans advise, rejoined the A12, Halstead turn off etc etc.
At this juncture we started listening to Sat Nav again, as we were obviously unfamiliar with this part of the world. The route took us away from civilisation, into the back of beyond, no B roads, no street lights, no traffic, hardly any houses even. I did comment to Malc that we were only 2 miles away (according to Sat Nav) but this didn’t seem a likely route for football traffic. But we ploughed on regardless, trusting Sat Nav to bring us to our destination.
Now any regular football goer who has attended evening games will know that there is a monumental giveaway landmark for football grounds… floodlights! We were now only 1 mile from our destination… 800 yards… 600 yards… crossing the Mersea… the sky was pitch black and absolutely no lights anywhere… but we bloody well carried on because Sat Nav told us to.
“Turn left… you have arrived. Destination reached” it happily told us. And so we had. Layer Road, in Layer-de-la-Haye, or Layer Marney, or any one of several other Layer somethings that seem to be in abundance around there. But not Layer Rd Colchester, where Southend were due to kick off in 20 minutes time.
It gets better.
We stopped the car and perused the night sky. In the distance, we saw a dull glow of what appeared to be floodlights in a westerly direction. We headed for it. It must be the game. Getting nearer, and we might even make kick off if we get parked quickly. 7:58pm, nearly there… and we pass a sign saying “Tiptree”.
“Malc, we’re in Tiptree” I said. His response, if I remember correctly, was something like “I’m sure Colchester’s ground isn’t in Tiptree…”
We were now in the Tiptree main drag, amongst houses and the floodlights just ahead of us. More out of disbelief we got out of our cars JUST TO CHECK… as if we needed to… instead of the roar of an expectant crowd with a game due to kick off in about 30 seconds we heard the noises made by footballers either on a pitch or training session with no crowd at all. Yes, it was Tiptree Utd.
So we turned around and headed back towards Colchester. We stopped and Malc asked two ladies how to get to Colchester Utd and they said something like “Oooh, dear, you’re a long way away…”
Great.
We scoured the night sky and saw another dull glow of potential floodlights. We followed the signs for Colchester at breakneck speed (thank God there were no speed cameras) and sure enough it led us to Layer Rd, which is a major road in Colchester and I’m amazed it’s not on my Sat Nav system. Anyway, I drove down the road next to the ground on the basis that someone might have gone out after the football had started, and luckily got a space. We ran round to the ground, not having the foggiest which end was the away end, but we were lucky. There was a line of policemen outside. I got the tickets out… Terrace 2, turnstiles 8 or 9. 15, 14, 13, 12…carry on… 9 and 8. Closed.
I asked the policeman behind if they were shut and he said “Yes mate, about 2 minutes ago.”
“Can’t we get in then?
“Doesn’t look like it does it?”
Sarcy so and so.
Anyway another copper pointed us towards the stewards who let us in terrace 1.
We missed only the first 15 mins or so which was bloody amazing really. It was a great night out anyway, and the rest is history.
Malc and I had a blooming good laugh about it and we hope you will do too, entirely at our expense.
BLUE ARMY!
Anyway, it is a night neither of us shall forget for more than one reason.
I picked him up at about 6 from his house in Westcliff and happily fed into my all-singing-all-dancing satellite navigation system Layer Road in Colchester. Initially it wasn’t giving me Layer Rd as an option for the road name and I had to do a search for it. Funny, that, I thought.
Anyway off we headed and as soon as we got to the A12 it started to try and divert us off the A12 towards Tiptree and Maldon. Now I’d never been to Layer Rd but I was fairly certain it was in Colchester! So we ignored it and stayed on the A12. Four junctions (and four ignored calls to turn left later from my talking computerised navigator) we decided to take the plunge and headed off towards Kelvedon. There must be a sneaky back route we thought. As soon as we got into Kelvedon there was a right turn towards Tiptree and Maldon with a pub on the corner. The Sat Nav told us to go towards Tiptree and Maldon again. As it was about 7 o’clock and ko wasn’t until 8, we had loads of time and so Malc suggested a quick refreshment stop and perhaps ask the publican. Nice chap he was too; told us to stay on the straight road, rejoin the A12, take the Halstead turnoff and then follow the signs for Lexden. We would then just come across the ground. I mentioned that there must be another Layer Rd because my Sat Nav was sending me towards Tiptree. “Oh.no”, he said “You can go that way as well… it just takes you around the back roads. There’s no other Layer Rd.”
Remember that phrase…
We ignored Sat Nav (yet again) and took the publicans advise, rejoined the A12, Halstead turn off etc etc.
At this juncture we started listening to Sat Nav again, as we were obviously unfamiliar with this part of the world. The route took us away from civilisation, into the back of beyond, no B roads, no street lights, no traffic, hardly any houses even. I did comment to Malc that we were only 2 miles away (according to Sat Nav) but this didn’t seem a likely route for football traffic. But we ploughed on regardless, trusting Sat Nav to bring us to our destination.
Now any regular football goer who has attended evening games will know that there is a monumental giveaway landmark for football grounds… floodlights! We were now only 1 mile from our destination… 800 yards… 600 yards… crossing the Mersea… the sky was pitch black and absolutely no lights anywhere… but we bloody well carried on because Sat Nav told us to.
“Turn left… you have arrived. Destination reached” it happily told us. And so we had. Layer Road, in Layer-de-la-Haye, or Layer Marney, or any one of several other Layer somethings that seem to be in abundance around there. But not Layer Rd Colchester, where Southend were due to kick off in 20 minutes time.
It gets better.
We stopped the car and perused the night sky. In the distance, we saw a dull glow of what appeared to be floodlights in a westerly direction. We headed for it. It must be the game. Getting nearer, and we might even make kick off if we get parked quickly. 7:58pm, nearly there… and we pass a sign saying “Tiptree”.
“Malc, we’re in Tiptree” I said. His response, if I remember correctly, was something like “I’m sure Colchester’s ground isn’t in Tiptree…”
We were now in the Tiptree main drag, amongst houses and the floodlights just ahead of us. More out of disbelief we got out of our cars JUST TO CHECK… as if we needed to… instead of the roar of an expectant crowd with a game due to kick off in about 30 seconds we heard the noises made by footballers either on a pitch or training session with no crowd at all. Yes, it was Tiptree Utd.
So we turned around and headed back towards Colchester. We stopped and Malc asked two ladies how to get to Colchester Utd and they said something like “Oooh, dear, you’re a long way away…”
Great.
We scoured the night sky and saw another dull glow of potential floodlights. We followed the signs for Colchester at breakneck speed (thank God there were no speed cameras) and sure enough it led us to Layer Rd, which is a major road in Colchester and I’m amazed it’s not on my Sat Nav system. Anyway, I drove down the road next to the ground on the basis that someone might have gone out after the football had started, and luckily got a space. We ran round to the ground, not having the foggiest which end was the away end, but we were lucky. There was a line of policemen outside. I got the tickets out… Terrace 2, turnstiles 8 or 9. 15, 14, 13, 12…carry on… 9 and 8. Closed.
I asked the policeman behind if they were shut and he said “Yes mate, about 2 minutes ago.”
“Can’t we get in then?
“Doesn’t look like it does it?”
Sarcy so and so.
Anyway another copper pointed us towards the stewards who let us in terrace 1.
We missed only the first 15 mins or so which was bloody amazing really. It was a great night out anyway, and the rest is history.
Malc and I had a blooming good laugh about it and we hope you will do too, entirely at our expense.
BLUE ARMY!
