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DTS

The Business
Joined
Oct 25, 2003
Messages
16,173
Location
In a world of my own.
Decided to go to Bristol Rovers as its getting close to baby time and I want to be close enough to home so that I can get back incase MrS DtS decided to pop. As we have three weeks to go a look at the fixture list told me this was the last one I could aim for. I am allowing myself home games as I can get back in just over an hour if I need to.

Anyway instructed my personal travel agent (Dad) to sort mine and the lads tickets and for the sum of £23.50 we were booked.

Met the lads at Paddington about 9.30 and after a Burger King breakfast we got on the train and were on our way. For the first time in forever Dad of DtS had managed to book us a table for four rather than four random seats in the same carrage if you lucky and we played cards all the way.

Got to Bristol at about 11.45 and decided to get a taxi. Got in a taxi with a Morgan Freedman lookalike and we told him where we wanted to go. Hadnt even got going and we had £4.20 in the clock so I quesioned it and he got very agressive. He then procedded to drive at 100mph to the destination. All the lads in the back buckled up and I just closed my eyes.

Morgan dropped us off out side of a rather decent looking pub and we started to walk in. Before I knew it a giant of a man came bounding out the pub and aproached me. Lucky for us it was True Blue and the lads and I joined him and Ian the Girth for a bear. True Blue was amazingly sober for once and we had a good chat.

After a lecturing in parenting from True Blue and ITG we all agreed to head down the road to a grotty looking boozer called "The Queen Vic". Walking between pub reminded me a bit of the land that time forgot as the area was a bit run down. We had cables loose in the street, electrical shops with home made signs spelt wrong in the window etc etc.

Got into the Queen Vic and low and behold it was already occpuied by some Blues fans. The pub was a bit rough to the point where both the bar man and the bar maid were sporting black eyes. None the less they were friendly and we kept drinking.

As this point True Blue decided he and his merry band were going to turn to the shots which is never a good idea in my book. For some unknown reason he brought the driver a shot too? Not really sure this was a good idea so think True Blue did two.

I made an equally awful purchase at this point and I decided to have a bag of "Pork Crunch". I was convinced they were pork scrathings but when I opened they they were mini shreaded wheat pork cuttings. The lads and I had one each and everyone agreed they were rough. I then passed the bag to my good chums Keith Moon and Shrimper James of AAS fame and both agreed they were awful. Even True Blue could not eat more than one. Truely the worst thing I have ever eaten.

Not going to talk about the game as its been covered everywhere else....

Dad of Dts decided in his wisdom that the lads and I would be best getting the 19.35 yes 19.35 from Bristol back to the smoke - despite the fact every other Shrimper who went by train was on the 18.00 or 18.35.

Not in a rush to get back we started walking but we decided it was a good idea to get the bus. Dave from the Spread and his mates had already done the donkey work and worked out what bus we needed so we got on.

Not sure of the name of the road but were on the long road between the ground and the town when my mate spotted a few people dressed as the lving dead/zombies. Looked out the window and had a laugh and thought that was it. How wrong were we. As the bus crawled on we saw approx 500 people dresed up as Zombies of to some party or another. I can only guess the number of people participating as many of the Bristol locals look like the living dead anyway. Still all very strange.

Got of the bus in the town and my mate and I were sure we knew the way. Ended up getting really lost. I come up with a great idea of taking a short cut. Only been Bristol a few times so not sure why I thought I knew they way. Ended up in what I can only describe as the south west version of Sarajevo. We were walking along one street which looked like had been bombed, past pubs that were all boarded up and past a whole host of massage parlours. We were the only white faces around too and got to say we were a bit nervous.

Finally found our way out of the slums and made it to relative safety. As we had 2 hours to kill we decided to hit a pub. Walked into the first bar which was totally empty. As we looked about the walls we realised it was very camply decorated. Just about to order the drink when one of the lads realised it was a gay bar - so we of course moved next door.

The we found a real spit and saw dust pub. Four pints was £7.60 and they were showing the Reading vs QPR game - you cant go wrong can you.....oh yes you can.

I can only describe this pub as full of loons. Literally everyone in the pub bar us was totally insane. I was tarving so I asked the bar man if they did food and he pointed me at a vast selection of peperamins he had on the side.The only music on the bar was the theme tune from "The good the bad and the ugly" - you can tell the type of venue. The sign outside said the oub was a "Gay free zone"

On my round at the bar I was confronted by a 60 year old black man who tried to convince me he was Ashley Cole. I can only describe him as a Porkpie from Desmonds look a like so its want hard to tell he was lying.
He was telling me about his time at Arsenal and with England- all good stuff.

Then two men who looked like Popeye came in and tried to get a drink but the barman who I can only say looked like Boris Johnsons taller hunchbacked brother refused to serve them as he had been sick on the floor earlier that day.This to me seemed more than fair but the two men were incensed an tried to kick off.

As I came back to the bar to get the next two pints of the round Ashley Coles wife (Who didnt really look like Cheryl if I am honest) told me off for putting money in my mouth (it was a note) and a man who was on cruthes passed out at the bar, feel over a step and collapsed on his back and didnt get up for a good few mins.

We got back to the station and were glad to leave weird old Bristol whilst it hadnt been a scary day it was one I was glad was over....

The End.
 

TrueBlue

Save Our Southend
Joined
Oct 26, 2003
Messages
22,631
Location
Hockley now on loan to Rayleigh
you can have her mate, right old growler

I can have my people work on the face....

ffs.jpg
 

DTS

The Business
Joined
Oct 25, 2003
Messages
16,173
Location
In a world of my own.
Mate,

The bar maid had the following

1) Black eyes
2) Bingo wings
3) Tubby
4) Dog rough
5) Smelt (Probably)

Fail to see any thing redeemable in her really.....
 

McNasty

Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2003
Messages
16,197
Location
Otley, West Yorks
Mate,

The bar maid had the following

1) Black eyes
2) Bingo wings
3) Tubby
4) Dog rough
5) Smelt (Probably)

Fail to see any thing redeemable in her really.....

But did she have TrueBlue's favourite desirable feature ? Does she live on the 11th floor of a tower block ? Does she have a pet bird --- a thrush ?
 
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