"Radio Radio!" (A Musical Memoir)

[Rob Noxious]

Please bear with me once more good people of ShrimperZone. I'm stuck up here in the attic 'on call' awaiting (but hoping not to receive) the calls of the needy and distressed of West Cornwall. Some of you know that I was inspired by a thread on 'The Writers Bureau' and Slipperduke's ShrimperZone 'Novella' to adapt a 'pop novel' I'd previously co-written to give it a SZ focus and post it on here in the 'In A Broken Dream' thread. I thoroughly enjoyed it (even if you didn't) and I've just got the inklings of a new idea as a result of re-reading the novel that me and my best mate wrote. I'm going to start work on it soon and will call it 'Radio Radio' (with thanks to Elvis Costello & The Attractions) and hope that it leads somewhere...join me on 'FM247' if you please and like 'The Emperor' says, "I don't know what's coming up next, but you'll know before I do!" :)

 

[Rob Noxious]

A Letter To Tony Sideburns, c/o 'Classic Old' Radio Station...

Dear Tony,

I hope you don't mind me writing again, it's just that I've got some more tunes to share with you. Unfortunately, I've been unavoidably detained of late and I've not been able to do my usual shows on 'Radio Retro.' Good news though is that we got the Lottery funding so when I'm back behind the mike properly, I'll be just like you - broadcasting to a national audience! Sensational, as you might say...

Ok Tony, less about me and more about you. As I've told you before, you're my DJ hero and every broadcast I do, I'm thinking of you...thinking of how you're talking to that 'one listener out there' and making it all intimate. You're a national treasure, Tony, and I've been a big fan of yours ever since you did your legendary 'Breakfast Show' on Radio Fun all those years ago. Anyway, I've done you a personal broadcast whilst I've been having a rest from 'Radio Retro' and I hope you've still got a cassette player because some of these tunes will take you way, way back. Hope you enjoy it and here's wishing you ongoing success, good health and happiness.

All the very best from your solid gold broadcasting buddy,

Shrimpero

(aka 'The Emperor')

 

[Tinks]

Looking forward to it.

 

[Rob Noxious]

Looking forward to it.

Bless you...'the one listener out there'! :clap:

 

[Rob Noxious]

1. Public Image Ltd. - 'Poptones'

Dear Tony,

I hope you don't mind me writing again, it's just that I've got some more tunes to share with you. Unfortunately, I've been unavoidably detained of late and I've not been able to do my usual shows on 'Radio Retro.' Good news though is that we got the Lottery funding so when I'm back behind the mike properly, I'll be just like you - broadcasting to a national audience! Sensational, as you might say...

Ok Tony, less about me and more about you. As I've told you before, you're my DJ hero and every broadcast I do, I'm thinking of you...thinking of how you're talking to that 'one listener out there' and making it all intimate. You're a national treasure, Tony, and I've been a big fan of yours ever since you did your legendary 'Breakfast Show' on Radio Fun all those years ago. Anyway, I've done you a personal broadcast whilst I've been having a rest from 'Radio Retro' and I hope you've still got a cassette player because some of these tunes will take you way, way back. Hope you enjoy it and here's wishing you ongoing success, good health and happiness.

All the very best from your solid gold broadcasting buddy,

Shrimpero

(aka 'The Emperor')

May be a surprise choice for me to kick off my broadcast to you with this one Tony, seeing as I know how much you hated punk rock. But it's my little dedication to you, the greatest living DJ, and the title track of this cassette. Yep, look at that little index card I've written in my best hand-writing for you. Go on Tone - pick it up, what does it say? Yes, 'Poptones'! Geddit? Pop tunes just for you Tone! And I hear that you've got a lot more time for John Lydon now. Yes, I've been reading your sensational autobiography 'Poptastic' whilst I've been here on Plashet One...and you really got to like him when you saw him on 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here' a few years ago, didn't you? OK, Tone, we all know he didn't get to be 'King Of The Jungle' like you did a couple of years before then, but even you with your hatred of all things 'spiky ragamuffin' couldn't deny that he had a genuine presence and there's a lot more to him than meets the eye. Well, I have to admit that I couldn't see eye to eye with you during the punk wars when all you'd play was your beloved disco. That doesn't stop me admiring all you've done for British broadcasting for nigh on fifty years now - an astonishing achievement by anyone's standards. You've come through difficult times too - just like me - so I salute you, with your enduring ability behind a mike. You've given me so much inspiration Tony, I just want to thank you by playing some tunes and giving you a bit of chat for a change. Maybe some corny jokes too, you'll just have to wait and see. Right, sit yourself back Tony, make yourself comfortable and whatever you do, don't fast forward. Or as we say here on FM247, don't touch that dial! Let's away with 'Poptones' -just for you, Tone!

 

[Rob Noxious]

"Radio Radio!" A Musical Memoir

Just wondered if one of the mods might be able to change the title of this thread for me please, ie to:-

"Radio Radio!" A Musical Memoir

Thought it would sound better with that alliteration. Tried to edit it myself but not allowed into the header on the quote of the first post...

Many thanks if one of you guys can help me out here. Cheers, Shrimpero :)

ps will arrange for 'The Emperor' to play you a dedication at some stage in proceedings...;)

 

[Cricko]

Just wondered if one of the mods might be able to change the title of this thread for me please, ie to:-

"Radio Radio!" A Musical Memoir

Thought it would sound better with that alliteration. Tried to edit it myself but not allowed into the header on the quote of the first post...

Many thanks if one of you guys can help me out here. Cheers, Shrimpero :)

ps will arrange for 'The Emperor' to play you a dedication at some stage in proceedings...;)

Didded young man..:)

 

[Rob Noxious]

Didded young man..:)

Many thanks, kind sir! Not forgot that pint I owe you either - see you at The Spread next Saturday...:clap:

 

[Rob Noxious]

2. The Style Council - 'You're The Best Thing'

May be a surprise choice for me to kick off my broadcast to you with this one Tony, seeing as I know how much you hated punk rock. But it's my little dedication to you, the greatest living DJ, and the title track of this cassette. Yep, look at that little index card I've written in my best hand-writing for you. Go on Tone - pick it up, what does it say? Yes, 'Poptones'! Geddit? Pop tunes just for you Tone! And I hear that you've got a lot more time for John Lydon now. Yes, I've been reading your sensational autobiography 'Poptastic' whilst I've been here on Plashet One...and you really got to like him when you saw him on 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here' a few years ago, didn't you? OK, Tone, we all know he didn't get to be 'King Of The Jungle' like you did a couple of years before then, but even you with your hatred of all things 'spiky ragamuffin' couldn't deny that he had a genuine presence and there's a lot more to him than meets the eye. Well, I have to admit that I couldn't see eye to eye with you during the punk wars when all you'd play was your beloved disco. That doesn't stop me admiring all you've done for British broadcasting for nigh on fifty years now - an astonishing achievement by anyone's standards. You've come through difficult times too - just like me - so I salute you, with your enduring ability behind a mike. You've given me so much inspiration Tony, I just want to thank you by playing some tunes and giving you a bit of chat for a change. Maybe some corny jokes too, you'll just have to wait and see. Right, sit yourself back Tony, make yourself comfortable and whatever you do, don't fast forward. Or as we say here on FM247, don't touch that dial! Let's away with 'Poptones' -just for you, Tone!

'And the radio plays poptones...' Oh yes, Tony, what a little gem that is. Got it on 'The Metal Box' collection, purchased from The Golden Disc record emporium in Queens Road, Southend-on-Sea, in 1979. I think you'd just been consigned to the Sunday evening 'Top Forty Countdown' then - how I used to hang on your every word those nights when I was in that dodgy squat overlooking Rectory Road Rail Station, between Stoke Newington and Clapton. They were strange times for both of us when I look back. Don't get me wrong, Tony, I loved being up in the smoke where I could see bands any night of the week, but sometimes I was incredibly lonely. And you, once the main man of Radio Fun, progressively displaced every few years - first by that smug Knowall Beardman, who we don't talk about - to later in the daily schedules and now only on at week-ends. It was neither right nor fair Tony, and I sympathised with you from my little box room in that flat which shuddered every time a train from Liverpool Street went by. But you came through all that upset and are now back on the breakfast slot once again with 'Classic Old' - they know a good guy when they see one Tone, and you remain the main man as far as The Emperor is concerned. Hey, it's about time I played another record for you 'cause we've a saying here on FM247 and it goes like this..."Less talk, more music"...so all I wanna say Tone is "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me" as without your example and inspiration I would never have found my public service calling here behind this mike. And right now, just for you here's some of that early '80s schmoozey stuff, 'cause I know you love your plastic soul... so without any further ado, here's 'Grimface'...

 

[OldBlueLady]

Good stuff Rob, see you next week.

 

[Rob Noxious]

Good stuff Rob, see you next week.

Cheers Kay - another 'listener' out there! :clap: See you 'off air' after we duff up Oldham :)

 

[Tangled up in Blue]

At least two listeners actually.Don't touch that dial. :-)

 

[Rob Noxious]

At least two listeners actually.Don't touch that dial. :-)

And then there were three :) Talking of which...

 

[Rob Noxious]

3. Andy Williams - 'Solitaire'

'And the radio plays poptones...' Oh yes, Tony, what a little gem that is. Got it on 'The Metal Box' collection, purchased from The Golden Disc record emporium in Queens Road, Southend-on-Sea, in 1979. I think you'd just been consigned to the Sunday evening 'Top Forty Countdown' then - how I used to hang on your every word those nights when I was in that dodgy squat overlooking Rectory Road Rail Station, between Stoke Newington and Clapton. They were strange times for both of us when I look back. Don't get me wrong, Tony, I loved being up in the smoke where I could see bands any night of the week, but sometimes I was incredibly lonely. And you, once the main man of Radio Fun, progressively displaced every few years - first by that smug Knowall Beardman, who we don't talk about - to later in the daily schedules and now only on at week-ends. It was neither right nor fair Tony, and I sympathised with you from my little box room in that flat which shuddered every time a train from Liverpool Street went by. But you came through all that upset and are now back on the breakfast slot once again with 'Classic Old' - they know a good guy when they see one Tone, and you remain the main man as far as The Emperor is concerned. Hey, it's about time I played another record for you 'cause we've a saying here on FM247 and it goes like this..."Less talk, more music"...so all I wanna say Tone is "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me" as without your example and inspiration I would never have found my public service calling here behind this mike. And right now, just for you here's some of that early '80s schmoozey stuff, 'cause I know you love your plastic soul... so without any further ado, here's 'Grimface'...

Who would have thought that old 'Grimface' Weller could write such lovely songs Tony? Off air, he seemed more interested in that old lost cause socialism and supporting the miners back then in '84. Hey, that reminds me. You had to go 'off air' yourself didn't you back in '73? That's right, for telling the miners they should go back to work! You old rascal, Tony - your paymasters at 'Auntie' didn't approve and they suspended you from your late morning slot. A bad time for you all round - that bearded 'Knowall' fella had usurped your breakfast show and now you were twiddling your thumbs in limbo. A bit like your Emperor here at Runwell actually. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to extend my charity work here on hospital radio - 'Runwell Radio' actually - but I don't quite get the feedback that I've come to expect on 'Radio Retro' and I'm just itching to get back on board that pirate radio ship moored off the Cornish coast, getting cards and letters from people I don't even know. My cat Oscar's back there too, Tone, and I'm missing him terribly. I try to get him to purr into the mike after songs I like so the public know they've got his seal of approval. Just like you did with your dog Arnold all those years ago - "WOOF! WOOF!" - remember? Astonishing, Tony, you and your little gimmicks! Entertainers and animals, Tony - always a bit of a risk. You'll remember one smoothie who carried it off with some bare-faced cheek, I bet...yep, you know the guy, the 'Cardigan King of Crooners' Tone...the one and only Andy Williams. He was the one who discovered my Old Blue Lady's beloved Osmonds and had that dancing bear on his show. My mum Elsie loved him - she'd sit bolt upright in her rocking chair when he came on, Tony, and I never ever saw her so animated! And I remember watching Top Of The Pops with her back in the winter of '73 when he's singing this next song and she's transfixed by all his restrained emotion - I get it now Tone 'cause she was all by herself too, but back then I used to take the mickey not realising that pop songs could be serious too.

It was only years later - after you'd broken up with the lovely Tessa Sideburns and were consigned to Junior Voice on Saturday mornings - when I was feeling all lonely up in the smoke that I really got this song. I've been reminded of it a lot lately stuck here on the ward, missing all those I hold dear - my producer Canveyshrimper, my fellow DJs Moridin, MKS, Steveo, Blueblood and Brettie Angell - and even Lord Football, who does the 'Newsbeat' slot and still supports the miners. Being away from Harbour Head has brought it home how much I miss these guys. Not to mention my Community Psychiatric Nurse, the aforementioned Old Blue Lady. Oh yeah, there's a guy who's usurped my breakfast show too, Tony - Nobby Snide, known as 'The Captain' when on air - so he better beware as The Emperor's coming back soon to reclaim his throne. In the meantime, Tone, we'll say "less talk, more music" and I'll play this record for both of us. But before I do, please remember that you're never alone when you're listening to FM247...now take it away, Mr. Cardigan King of the Crooners...

 

[Benfleet A1]

Is this like Radio Weetabix?

 

[Berrichonne shrimper]

In a word No

 

[Rob Noxious]

An explanation...

Is this like Radio Weetabix?

Forgive my delayed reply GHG - I had to find out what RW was before replying! BS is right, but I guess there is a link with The Breakfast Show referred to in this 'memoir.' In short, this is a fictitious radio style monologue. The title comes from an Elvis Costello song and is also a reference to rhyming slang ('Radio Rentals') which is why the narrator is currently holed up in Runwell. Lest anyone think I'm making cheap shots, I'm not. I've personal and work experience of mental health 'issues' and part of what I'm aiming to write about here is the thin line between one person's reality and another's definition of insanity. I don't intend to be po-faced about it though so :soapbox: over. Stay tuned and don't touch that dial! :)

 

[OldBlueLady]

You can't beat a bit of Andy Williams.........oh, and had forgotten about Arnold the dog!

 

[Rob Noxious]

You can't beat a bit of Andy Williams.........oh, and had forgotten about Arnold the dog!

Once heard, never forgotten surely? :) But you're right about Andy, Kay - his 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You' is a minor classic and wonderful in the soundtrack to 'Mean Streets' when Johnny Boy and co are having a rumble on the pool table...

 

[Rob Noxious]

4. Free - 'All Right Now'

Who would have thought that old 'Grimface' Weller could write such lovely songs Tony? Off air, he seemed more interested in that old lost cause socialism and supporting the miners back then in '84. Hey, that reminds me. You had to go 'off air' yourself didn't you back in '73? That's right, for telling the miners they should go back to work! You old rascal, Tony - your paymasters at 'Auntie' didn't approve and they suspended you from your late morning slot. A bad time for you all round - that bearded 'Knowall' fella had usurped your breakfast show and now you were twiddling your thumbs in limbo. A bit like your Emperor here at Runwell actually. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to extend my charity work here on hospital radio - 'Runwell Radio' actually - but I don't quite get the feedback that I've come to expect on 'Radio Retro' and I'm just itching to get back on board that pirate radio ship moored off the Cornish coast, getting cards and letters from people I don't even know. My cat Oscar's back there too, Tone, and I'm missing him terribly. I try to get him to purr into the mike after songs I like so the public know they've got his seal of approval. Just like you did with your dog Arnold all those years ago - "WOOF! WOOF!" - remember? Astonishing, Tony, you and your little gimmicks! Entertainers and animals, Tony - always a bit of a risk. You'll remember one smoothie who carried it off with some bare-faced cheek, I bet...yep, you know the guy, the 'Cardigan King of Crooners' Tone...the one and only Andy Williams. He was the one who discovered my Old Blue Lady's beloved Osmonds and had that dancing bear on his show. My mum Elsie loved him - she'd sit bolt upright in her rocking chair when he came on, Tony, and I never ever saw her so animated! And I remember watching Top Of The Pops with her back in the winter of '73 when he's singing this next song and she's transfixed by all his restrained emotion - I get it now Tone 'cause she was all by herself too, but back then I used to take the mickey not realising that pop songs could be serious too.

It was only years later - after you'd broken up with the lovely Tessa Sideburns and were consigned to Junior Voice on Saturday mornings - when I was feeling all lonely up in the smoke that I really got this song. I've been reminded of it a lot lately stuck here on the ward, missing all those I hold dear - my producer Canveyshrimper, my fellow DJs Moridin, MKS, Steveo, Blueblood and Brettie Angell - and even Lord Football, who does the 'Newsbeat' slot and still supports the miners. Being away from Harbour Head has brought it home how much I miss these guys. Not to mention my Community Psychiatric Nurse, the aforementioned Old Blue Lady. Oh yeah, there's a guy who's usurped my breakfast show too, Tony - Nobby Snide, known as 'The Captain' when on air - so he better beware as The Emperor's coming back soon to reclaim his throne. In the meantime, Tone, we'll say "less talk, more music" and I'll play this record for both of us. But before I do, please remember that you're never alone when you're listening to FM247...now take it away, Mr. Cardigan King of the Crooners...

So 'Solitaire's the only game in town' for old Andy, eh Tone? Well, it's chess, draughts and pool here on Plashet One, but I like to scuttle off to Mrs S' Occupational Therapy Department and play some of the CDs there instead. Mrs S is my 'OT' Tone - that's Occupational Therapist, if you didn't know. She's my 'key worker' whilst I'm recuperating from my little bout of hypomania I experienced recently. No need to be alarmed Tony - I'm all right now, as the song goes! I've got a good team of caring professionals behind me - my Consultant trick-cyclist Doc McNasty, my old pal The Big Shrimp, a Clinical Nurse Specialist no less, and an array of qualified and student psychiatric nurses all working on Plashet. Mrs S is the one who's been entrusted with seeing through my care programme though and she's helped me by overseeing my musical 'Book Of Dreams' which we gathered together in our 'In A Broken Dream' hot one hundred a few months ago now. I'm indebted to her Tony much as I understand you are with your good lady Debbie, who helped you through those bad times in your, ahem, wayward years following the break-up of your marriage to the lovely Tessa. I really felt for you then, Tone. You were on the afternoon slot in the late seventies when you used to talk perhaps a bit too openly about your upset and the Auntie paymasters decided you needed a bit of a rest too.

I think on reflection you were ahead of your time you know. Now everyone's at it, heart-on-sleeve, telling the public how it is for them, letting all their feelings out. I do it all the time, Tone. Well, Doc McNasty says it's important I do actually as to repress them only makes it worse apparently. But I guess we have to draw a line - a line beginning with 'P.' You know the one Tone, the one that separates the personal from the professional. I'm striving to get it bang on the way you do. It's just like my old mate Southchurch Groyney says - he runs the Ship Inn back on Harbour Head, Tone - "it's so easy to get wrong and so difficult to get right." He's a bit of a philosopher round our way Tone and he also writes a column for 'The Western Briton,' a lovely man and fantastic 'mine host' too. Always lets me and my Producer, Canvey, stay on for 'stoppybacks' after the public have been shown the door. Anyway, Tone, just so you know, I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I'm striving to get it right just like you do. So here's another one for us jocks trying to make it alright now for the public once again. I remember this one being played all the time at those youth club discos, Tone - St. Saviour's Church Hall near Chalkwell Park, wasn't it? It was a revived forty-five, a re-release back then in '76 and dare I say it, had just a hint of raunchiness underneath that rock ballad swagger. You can't beat a bit of Free, Tone. Watch out, I'm gonna crank this up a bit and have a little swagger around Mrs S' studios whilst she's out doing 'good works' on the wards. Feel free to let your hair down too, Tone. Let's swagger, baby!