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pickledseal

cowboy
Joined
Dec 6, 2004
Messages
4,933
Location
Upminster
Revelling In It

This week starring:
Adam ‘John Rambo’ Barrett
Steve ‘living the dream’ Parmenter
Dougie ‘YTS’ Freedman


Sometimes it’s good to let your hair down (unless you’re Adam Barrett and can’t!) and the last few weeks we’ve had the opportunity to do two things which have certainly bonded us as a team off the field, as well as giving us a brief break from shuttle runs.

Firstly, the other week all of the lads went paintballing in the local jungle, which was a wood somewhere in Essex and provided perfect evidence that some of us really are young at heart.

As we made our way down to the play area, we were overtaken by a humvee containing an extra from the latest Rambo movie, only to find out that on closer inspection it was Captain Barrett. Whilst we cannot fault his enthusiasm, covering himself in mud like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator and hunting rabbits with his bow and arrow was taking it a bit too far. It was only after the organisers told us that he’d broken into the site the night before, pitched his tent and had booby trapped the whole arena we realised that he has far too much free time on his hands.

There was one key piece of preparation he’d missed though, as his arthritis took over his trigger finger, he ran out of bullets after about two minutes in to the first match. But whilst most players would have left sensibly, Adam tried to carry on, although his reserve weapon (his spud gun) wasn’t causing much damage to the opposition!

Adam was that keen that he refused to wear any face protection in the beginning but backed down once the organisers showed us that classic episode in Byker Grove, you know, the ‘PJ Nooooooooooooooo!’ one! When questioned how he missed what can only be called the finest piece of award winning British acting of our generation, Adam revealed:

‘Well we had a television but I didn’t know how to work it, it was only when my dad got back from work that we could watch it!’

Apparently though, as a result of him having to watch what his dad selected, Adam is the Crystal Maze’s biggest fan, which actually explains quite a lot!

One person who missed out on the whole experience was Parms, who had to leave after an hour due to the fact we were playing Canvey eight hours later and he had to complete his match preparation routine.

It was safe to say that Parms was an easy target in the morning session though, mind you, anyone who turns up in their playing strip is going to stick out like a sore thumb – but then it did cut his prep time by 30 minutes!

One person who missed out too because of Parms’ preparation was Dougie Freedman who had to leave early in order to drive around every supermarket in Essex for Parms’ pre-match snack – lemon flavoured Jaffa Cakes, which can only be found in very selective outlets.

To cap it all off, Parms didn’t even play later on so all Dougie’s hard work was for nothing, one day though Dougie the roles might be reversed!

The other childish activity some of the lads took part in was the reopening of Kids Kingdom on Monday where the gaffer, Brushy, Barrett, Franno and Macca attended.

After Adam was banned from Centre Parcs for pushing kids off slides, we thought it risky that he should attend, and we weren’t disappointed. I’ve been hearing that within ten minutes of being there Adam broke one of the slides (he was told to sit on his hands before he entered but he just wouldn’t listen). Whilst the slide was fixed almost instantly, Adam was banned for life and can add it too the list of places he can’t go, which now reads Kids Kingdom, Adventure Island, Centre Parcs, Alton Towers, Thorpe Park and Barneylands – Lee Barnard’s own adventure park which sits in his 78 acres of land!

The only other point of note is that Lee Sawyer actually wanted to attend but because of the amount of sweet stalls and the nature of the activities, Lee couldn’t go in without a responsible adult, of which there was none!

Talking of Lee, the neighbourhood has been a bit quiet since his arrival, although I’ve noticed that the over 55’s running class which passes Boots and Laces has incorporated a 50 yard sprint interval in their weekly schedule!!

It’s birthday time in the squad as both Lee Barnard and Ian Joyce have had birthdays recently, and as part of the tradition if it is your birthday you must bring cakes in for everyone. Whilst most people buy cakes, Ian went against the grain and baked his own and all I can say is that cakes must taste differently in the US as three lads broke teeth whilst chewing due to the toughness of them.

But like everything things can be a blessing in disguise as Alf (the real SUFC Kit Man) now has the perfect weights to hold the goal nets down when it gets a bit blustery.

On a serious note, on behalf of all of the players would like to wish Alf’s wife Gwen Bilby our best wishes as she isn’t very well at the minute and we hope she gets better soon.

For my dish of the week I’ve taken a request on board, so this weeks dish is brought to you by the Southend branch of the Revell Cook’s Club:

‘Spaghetti Bolognase – al dente style’ – make sure you chop and add some bacon to the dish for a slightly different taste!

Whilst there hasn’t been much football played over the last week, we probably have our toughest match so far against Ipswich Town. This will provide us with the perfect gauge as to where we are with our preparation, and I hope to see as many of you there as possible.

Up the Blues

Revs
 
lol it was mostly a giant dig at AB ha ha. ‘Spaghetti Bolognase – al dente style’......... So spag bol with bacon then lol.

Ah good old Rev's
 
This week's offering - and I'm a touch relieved!


Revelling In It

This week starring:

Adam ‘Technophobe’ Barrett
Lee ‘I’ve seen the error of my ways’ Barnard
Lee ‘The new Don’ Sawyer
Steve ‘White Goodman’ Parmenter

It’s probably about time we talked a bit of football in this column, of which I’ll cover in the next paragraph or two.

For those of you who play football regularly, cast your mind back to your own pre-season training and how you approach it. There are many stages of pre-season training and these won’t differ between standards of football, only the intensity will be a lot higher for us pro’s and so it should be.

So where are we as a team?

Apart from the result against Dagenham on Saturday, and somewhat to a lesser extent against Ipswich, we are exactly where we should be in terms of conditioning and fitness. The only bit we don’t seem to have shown thus far is match sharpness and what I mean by that is the necessary passing and creative quality we have shown in training.

By the time you read this we will have played against Barnet and will have our final workout against Stevenage to complete what has been a pretty decent pre-season by everyone’s standards. Whilst results and performances are always important, they are not everything in pre-season and we all have our own goals prior to kicking off against Huddersfield, ones which the whole squad is very close to at this moment in time.

In short, we all can’t wait for the season to start and the real action to begin.

Off the field it’s been a pretty quiet week by our standards with most people focusing on what they have to do.

We had Meet the Blues Day last Sunday which is one of my favourite occasions of pre-season, although no-one was a keen as Adam Barrett. It only became clear when we arrived at Roots Hall and saw the many inflatable children’s games that we twigged – it was one of the few places left for Adam to play! But before the Club could receive any complaints about kids being flung from great heights so Adam could ride the slide, he was taken aside by the gaffer and given THE talk – you know, the ‘I don’t want any trouble from you today son’ and the ‘sit on your hands and don’t speak until spoken too’ one. The gaffer was smart though and before he could question anything he was tied to the signings table to stop any temptation!

One person who clearly didn’t overhear the talk which led to a return to his dark days was Lee ‘Bullyboy’ Barnard, who insisted on jousting Lee ‘Babyface’ Sawyer because he hasn’t received any tuck-shop money from him since his return to the Club! It was only after Sawyer sent Barney flying over the inflatable wall with a mean body shot to the right hand side, and Barney fearing another injury that the joust ended, teaching Lee B the error of his ways. Needless to say he’s now paid ASBO back all of the pocket money he took off him last season.

It was also pleasing to hear of the youth team’s success in the Toomey Trophy at the weekend, beating Arsenal on the first day and taking Everton to penalties in the final.

But it was no surprise to hear that Kit Man Parms had a shave and brought his boots with him to Meet The Blues Day, pleading with Ricky Duncan to give him a run out in the under 18’s tournament. Apparently Steve wouldn’t take the kind let-down hints Ricky was giving and it was only after he’d been told that he’d rather Bill Garner play instead of Steve that he got the message and he went home crying, with Dougie being on hand to give him a tissue mind!

In fact Parms took it a lot to heart, and indulged in a little bit of Ben Stiller from Dodgeball and took to comfort eating, as evident below, and hasn’t been seen since!



For this week’s dish, I’ve listened to the requests from the East Fife branch of the cooking club and bowed down to a request for a vegetarian dish, so here you go:

Dish of the week: ‘Penne arrabbiata e funghi’ – Basically, its penne pasta with tomato sauce with chilli and mushrooms!

Take care and I’ll see you all soon.

Up the Blues!

Revs
 
Ahh a touch of light relief for today, thank the lord for that.

Also good to know we can still pay the internet bill.
 
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