Slipperduke
The Camden Cad
"Shame. Shame and eternal shame. Nothing but shame."
The words of the French knight, Bourbon, in Shakespeare's Henry V after his French forces were obliterated by the English at the battle of Agincourt. How England could have done with Henry V on Wednesday night. Even Henry VIII would have done, though admittedly his selection policy was about as consistent as our present manager's. In the hall of Shakespearean heroes, Steve McClaren is Yorick, the court jester, and no-one will say 'alas' to his demise.
I would hate to become the kind of journalist who pounces on the shortcomings of his nation with a gleeful cry of "I told you so," but I beg you, permit me to join every single other English fan in this dark hour and get it off my chest.
I genuinely thought that McClaren was attempting to mislead and hoodwink Croatia with his hints of a 4-5-1 formation. The only thing he could have done to invite Croatian pressure was to pack the midfield and leave a slow striker isolated up front. Surely McClaren wouldn't be that foolish? More shame on me for still not accepting how tactically limited the former Middlesbrough boss is at this level.
Crouch is a fine footballer, but his strength has always been providing deft touches for a quick strike partner to latch onto. He can't do that on his own. On his own, the only way he can prosper is to have crosses and set-pieces from someone as good as David Beckham. The Liverpool striker was betrayed by his manager on two counts. He worked as hard as he could to turn a succession of long balls into opportunities, but with no partner, he had no options.
There simply isn't the room in The New Paper for me to list and analyse everything that went wrong at Wembley. Suffice to say, there was no cohesion, no structure, no spirit, no heart, no fight, no ideas and no hope. With the honourable exception of Crouch, every single man on the pitch had a stinker.
McClaren's second half substitutions only brought England back to the level they should have been at from the start. A simple 4-4-2 with a big striker and a small striker. It might be mocked by the intellectuals of the global game, but it's what the players know. Experimentation is fine at club level where a manager has weeks on the training pitch to drill and perfect his squad, but here it is safest and most effective to stick to the basics. It's how Sven Goran Eriksson secured top-spot in three consecutive campaigns because it means that like-for-like changes can be made without disrupting everyone.
A soft penalty and a wonderful Crouch goal, from Beckham's exceptional first touch cross I might add, brought England back into the game, but imagine if they'd played like that from the start. McClaren prowled the touchline, barking and shouting from the safety of a huge umbrella, looking for all the world like a madman at a bus-stop.
He said before the game that there would no longer be any room for excuses and he was more accurate about that than anything else he's ever said. I was at Wembley for the impressive 3-0 win over Russia and it will remain the highpoint, perhaps the only highpoint of his ill-fated reign. He had the golden system thrust upon him. Gareth Barry and Steven Gerrard enjoyed a perfectly balanced partnership in the middle. Big Emile Heskey won header after header after header, supplying vital balls for Michael Owen. through injuries and suspensions, not his own wisdom, he stumbled across a formula that worked. Given how much natural talent lies dormant in the England squad, it doesn't matter who pulls on the shirt. For Heskey read Crouch. For Owen read Defoe. The system worked.
As millions of English football fans drink, smoke or cry their way out of this unrelenting nightmare, a few points stand out for consideration.
Over the course of 12 games, Scotland picked up more points than England. Scotland had to contend with the World Cup winners, the World Cup runners-up and, in Ukraine, World Cup Quarter-Finalists. The only World Cup team in England's group was Croatia. And yet still they couldn't qualify.
The last England defeat at Wembley heralded the end of Kevin Keegan's spell at the helm. This defeat must be the end of McClaren.
At the time of press, the embattled manager was still hanging on.
"I have no intention of resigning," said McClaren after the game, "and I have no intention of discussing my future."
On a lucrative four year contract, you can hardly blame him. It will fall to others to make the final decision.
The mood in England is ugly. We've had to cancel Euro 2008, we must cancel McClaren's contract and, given the mood that I'm in, it might be an idea if we cancelled Christmas as well.
The words of the French knight, Bourbon, in Shakespeare's Henry V after his French forces were obliterated by the English at the battle of Agincourt. How England could have done with Henry V on Wednesday night. Even Henry VIII would have done, though admittedly his selection policy was about as consistent as our present manager's. In the hall of Shakespearean heroes, Steve McClaren is Yorick, the court jester, and no-one will say 'alas' to his demise.
I would hate to become the kind of journalist who pounces on the shortcomings of his nation with a gleeful cry of "I told you so," but I beg you, permit me to join every single other English fan in this dark hour and get it off my chest.
I genuinely thought that McClaren was attempting to mislead and hoodwink Croatia with his hints of a 4-5-1 formation. The only thing he could have done to invite Croatian pressure was to pack the midfield and leave a slow striker isolated up front. Surely McClaren wouldn't be that foolish? More shame on me for still not accepting how tactically limited the former Middlesbrough boss is at this level.
Crouch is a fine footballer, but his strength has always been providing deft touches for a quick strike partner to latch onto. He can't do that on his own. On his own, the only way he can prosper is to have crosses and set-pieces from someone as good as David Beckham. The Liverpool striker was betrayed by his manager on two counts. He worked as hard as he could to turn a succession of long balls into opportunities, but with no partner, he had no options.
There simply isn't the room in The New Paper for me to list and analyse everything that went wrong at Wembley. Suffice to say, there was no cohesion, no structure, no spirit, no heart, no fight, no ideas and no hope. With the honourable exception of Crouch, every single man on the pitch had a stinker.
McClaren's second half substitutions only brought England back to the level they should have been at from the start. A simple 4-4-2 with a big striker and a small striker. It might be mocked by the intellectuals of the global game, but it's what the players know. Experimentation is fine at club level where a manager has weeks on the training pitch to drill and perfect his squad, but here it is safest and most effective to stick to the basics. It's how Sven Goran Eriksson secured top-spot in three consecutive campaigns because it means that like-for-like changes can be made without disrupting everyone.
A soft penalty and a wonderful Crouch goal, from Beckham's exceptional first touch cross I might add, brought England back into the game, but imagine if they'd played like that from the start. McClaren prowled the touchline, barking and shouting from the safety of a huge umbrella, looking for all the world like a madman at a bus-stop.
He said before the game that there would no longer be any room for excuses and he was more accurate about that than anything else he's ever said. I was at Wembley for the impressive 3-0 win over Russia and it will remain the highpoint, perhaps the only highpoint of his ill-fated reign. He had the golden system thrust upon him. Gareth Barry and Steven Gerrard enjoyed a perfectly balanced partnership in the middle. Big Emile Heskey won header after header after header, supplying vital balls for Michael Owen. through injuries and suspensions, not his own wisdom, he stumbled across a formula that worked. Given how much natural talent lies dormant in the England squad, it doesn't matter who pulls on the shirt. For Heskey read Crouch. For Owen read Defoe. The system worked.
As millions of English football fans drink, smoke or cry their way out of this unrelenting nightmare, a few points stand out for consideration.
Over the course of 12 games, Scotland picked up more points than England. Scotland had to contend with the World Cup winners, the World Cup runners-up and, in Ukraine, World Cup Quarter-Finalists. The only World Cup team in England's group was Croatia. And yet still they couldn't qualify.
The last England defeat at Wembley heralded the end of Kevin Keegan's spell at the helm. This defeat must be the end of McClaren.
At the time of press, the embattled manager was still hanging on.
"I have no intention of resigning," said McClaren after the game, "and I have no intention of discussing my future."
On a lucrative four year contract, you can hardly blame him. It will fall to others to make the final decision.
The mood in England is ugly. We've had to cancel Euro 2008, we must cancel McClaren's contract and, given the mood that I'm in, it might be an idea if we cancelled Christmas as well.
