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duncan bulgaria

Now Phats what I Small music⭐
Joined
Jan 19, 2007
Messages
2,808
At a wedding last night and chatting with the lads and one in perticular is a ugly ****er but as a youngster he used to nick decent birds , albeit he used to get them when they were young , i'e we were 19 and he'd always go for the 17 year old innocent girls and get his wicked way after a few bottles of thunderbirds or 20/20 .

Anyway since then he has settled down , got himself a nice bird , mental, but a nice bird and last night the beer was flowing and she mentioned that since day dot every time he has been near her snatch he has always made sure she wipes it with a baby wipe before going down on her .

It has caused untold rows between them as she is now insercure that her beaver smells , he on the other hand reckons he has done it with every girl he has ever had , (to his credit as a kid he always had a packet of baby wipes next on his bedroom side !!) and that she is just being paranoid.

He is also adament that he is not weird and is just being clean and that he thought it was kind of the norm , obviously all the other lads told him that its not the norm , well not for us anyway , for me he is the only person i know who has Smelly Beaver OCD.


So chaps is there anyone else out there with the same OCD as my pal Ging ??. Or maybe an even better Sexual realted OCD ??
 

Hotman

reason, honour, integrity
Joined
Apr 12, 2006
Messages
5,611
Location
Not here
what a good idea, wish i'd have thought of the baby wipe trick in my single days
 

Bazza the dog

First XI
Joined
Nov 4, 2003
Messages
365
Lets face it chaps we have all nailed birds with a smelly minge and there is nothing worse in my opinion but marrying one would be a disaster in my book. Usually fat birds are up there when it comes to that sort of thing and also nearly all black birds that I have had encounters with (and there are a few) have had a bit of a twang downstairs and its just not on folks.
 

Pubey

Guest
I lost my virginity to a ginger with a stinky minge.

Back in the day I was a bit of a keen musician and spent most school holidays on residential orchestra courses. Just like American Pie really, the music was secondary to underage drinking and teenage promiscuity. They were some of the best days of my life!

On this occasion I was in Salzburg on tour with an orchestra and we'd spent the day drinking strong beer and eating meat (not a euphemism) at the town's annual GRILLFEST BBQ and Beer festival. After a day in the scorching sun and feeling slightly battered, I was accosted by a 'cellist who wasn't the worst looking girl in the world. 'Wahey' I thought as she shoved her tongue down my throat, no one else seemed to notice as they were all to busy either puking, pulling or both. At the time I thought I had pulled a good'un, older, reasonable looking (after about 7 wheat-beers!) and a Cellist, who are probably the fittest of all musicians.

After a bit of tonsil tennis I was being dragged back to the hostel and into her room (bunk-bed in a room shared with 5 other girls). She seemed a bit more experienced, undoing my flies and going straight to work playing a tune on my pink flute. She didn't seemed to mind that my groady nuts that had been sizzling away all day... honestly the temperature was in the high 30s. I'd spent all day lugging timpanis and xylophones around, playing a 2 hr afternoon concert and just gone straight to the BBQ. I definitely wasn't fresh as a daisy!

After a bit of work on her upper chest I thought it was time to give the parcel a poke... unzipping her jeans and I swear the temperature in the room went up a few degrees... a couple of digits decided to brave the cave and it was like a sauna down there, I could feel my fingers sweating.

At this moment I began to smell a distinct aroma that definitely wasn't my BOderant... it was slightly spicy, with a subtle but not unnoticeable hint of fish. A little bit like if there was a Doritos factory down at Old Leigh. However after she had been so lady-like in having a good gobble... I thought I would go down south with my mouth. I yanked off her jeans and knickers like a pornstar, cracking my head on the top bunk. Unfortunately it didn't knock any sense into me. Lying before me was a trimmed but bright red bush, with mirage waves radiating from it. The smell of seafood doritos was unbelievable, but I did the deed and gave myself a nice pubic moustache. Now this was up to where I had ever got to with a girl before... I think I did ok but I was more preoccupied with holding my breath for as long as possible, rather than if she was getting any pleasure from me. After about twenty seconds I came up for air like a deep sea diver. My face was on fire and my tongue felt like it has been doused in a bottle of Tabsaco. The smell was making my eyes water and the top half of her wasn't much better... being a redhead she had come out with a pretty awesome heatrash, and all her freckles had emerged. I thought about asking if she had a nut allergy and looking for her epi-pen!

However like a good ginger girl she was just getting started... I didn't venture back downstairs but she gave me a good first time, just as I was sealing the deal there was banging at the door by her room mate that she had locked out. We sheepishly emerged from the room a couple of minutes later and let her roommate in, who looked like she was sick in her mouth as she smelt the spicy sex-air.

good times
 

duncan bulgaria

Now Phats what I Small music⭐
Joined
Jan 19, 2007
Messages
2,808
Being the selfish Mofo that i aim , i don't get involved in going downstairs with a one night stand bird . all about the guns for me with a ONS, gotta have big guns , anyway i have luckily in my life never encountered a whiffy one .

Also as someone mentioned , i have also heard from a few of my pals that black birds have some crazy smells going on , more Billy Ocean than Bill Oddie !
 
Joined
Oct 18, 2008
Messages
4,538
I love dropping down onto the devils cave and a bit of flavor doesnt go amiss,come to think of it nor does a bit of blood oooh im hungry now.
 

Mrs S

Schoolboy
Joined
May 22, 2009
Messages
51
At a wedding last night and chatting with the lads and one in perticular is a ugly ****er but as a youngster he used to nick decent birds , albeit he used to get them when they were young , i'e we were 19 and he'd always go for the 17 year old innocent girls and get his wicked way after a few bottles of thunderbirds or 20/20 .

Anyway since then he has settled down , got himself a nice bird , mental, but a nice bird and last night the beer was flowing and she mentioned that since day dot every time he has been near her snatch he has always made sure she wipes it with a baby wipe before going down on her .

It has caused untold rows between them as she is now insercure that her beaver smells , he on the other hand reckons he has done it with every girl he has ever had , (to his credit as a kid he always had a packet of baby wipes next on his bedroom side !!) and that she is just being paranoid.

He is also adament that he is not weird and is just being clean and that he thought it was kind of the norm , obviously all the other lads told him that its not the norm , well not for us anyway , for me he is the only person i know who has Smelly Beaver OCD.


So chaps is there anyone else out there with the same OCD as my pal Ging ??. Or maybe an even better Sexual realted OCD ??

Do you remember, primary school recorder lessons - you had to dip the end of the instrument in detol before you put it anywhere near your mouth - never mind blow on the damn thing. Poor girlfriend should give as good as she gets I reckon ......
 
Last edited:

Mrs S

Schoolboy
Joined
May 22, 2009
Messages
51
PS - every girl he has ever "had"? So, are we to assume there have been many? and that a fair few of these lucky ladies did not stick around long: can't imagine why ...
 

The Big Shrimp

Zone Photographer
Joined
Aug 26, 2006
Messages
5,752
I lost my virginity to a ginger who is a stinky minge.

Back in the day I was a bit of a keen musician and spent most school holidays on residential orchestra courses. Just like American Pie really, the music was secondary to underage drinking and teenage promiscuity. They were some of the best days of my life!

On this occasion I was in Salzburg on tour with an orchestra and we'd spent the day drinking strong beer and eating meat (not a euphemism) at the town's annual GRILLFEST BBQ and Beer festival. After a day in the scorching sun and feeling slightly battered, I was accosted by a 'cellist who wasn't the worst looking girl in the world. 'Wahey' I thought as she shoved her tongue down my throat, no one else seemed to notice as they were all to busy either puking, pulling or both. At the time I thought I had pulled a good'un, older, reasonable looking (after about 7 wheat-beers!) and a Cellist, who are probably the fittest of all musicians.

After a bit of tonsil tennis I was being dragged back to the hostel and into her room (bunk-bed in a room shared with 5 other girls). She seemed a bit more experienced, undoing my flies and going straight to work playing a tune on my pink flute. She didn't seemed to mind that my groady nuts that had been sizzling away all day... honestly the temperature was in the high 30s. I'd spent all day lugging timpanis and xylophones around, playing a 2 hr afternoon concert and just gone straight to the BBQ. I definitely wasn't fresh as a daisy!

After a bit of work on her upper chest I thought it was time to give the parcel a poke... unzipping her jeans and I swear the temperature in the room went up a few degrees... a couple of digits decided to brave the cave and it was like a sauna down there, I could feel my fingers sweating.

At this moment I began to smell a distinct aroma that definitely wasn't my BOderant... it was slightly spicy, with a subtle but not unnoticeable hint of fish. A little bit like if there was a Doritos factory down at Old Leigh. However after she had been so lady-like in having a good gobble... I thought I would go down south with my mouth. I yanked off her jeans and knickers like a pornstar, cracking my head on the top bunk. Unfortunately it didn't knock any sense into me. Lying before me was a trimmed but bright red bush, with mirage waves radiating from it. The smell of seafood doritos was unbelievable, but I did the deed and gave myself a nice pubic moustache. Now this was up to where I had ever got to with a girl before... I think I did ok but I was more preoccupied with holding my breath for as long as possible, rather than if she was getting any pleasure from me. After about twenty seconds I came up for air like a deep sea diver. My face was on fire and my tongue felt like it has been doused in a bottle of Tabsaco. The smell was making my eyes water and the top half of her wasn't much better... being a redhead she had come out with a pretty awesome heatrash, and all her freckles had emerged. I thought about asking if she had a nut allergy and looking for her epi-pen!

However like a good ginger girl she was just getting started... I didn't venture back downstairs but she gave me a good first time, just as I was sealing the deal there was banging at the door by her room mate that she had locked out. We sheepishly emerged from the room a couple of minutes later and let her roommate in, who looked like she was sick in her mouth as she smelt the spicy sex-air.

good times

Not many people can say they lost it to Nicky Bailey!!!


:whistling:
 

Ron Manager

formerly Libertine
Joined
Jan 21, 2007
Messages
5,628
Location
Brisbane, Australia
Ah, it's all just bravado and nonsense from some of the lads on here. I personally take much of what's posted in these sort of threads with a pinch of salt and enjoy it for the entertainment and story telling value alone.

It may all be true and it may not but it's a good yarn and helps pass the time of day. A bit of harmless fun.
 

OldBlueLady

Junior Blues Coordinator⭐
Joined
Dec 27, 2007
Messages
48,319
Location
Benfleet
Ah, it's all just bravado and nonsense from some of the lads on here. I personally take much of what's posted in these sort of threads with a pinch of salt and enjoy it for the entertainment and story telling value alone.

It may all be true and it may not but it's a good yarn and helps pass the time of day. A bit of harmless fun.

Is that kind of a deliberate association bearing in mind the kind of aromatic experiences being described?
 
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