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Fish

Manager
Joined
May 14, 2005
Messages
1,414
Location
Witham
Don't know how many on hear listen to Danny Baker's show on 5 Live on a Tuesday night. One of the long-running themes of his phone in show is the concept of a Totalitarian League.

Danny thinks there are too many football teams and wants to trim the entire British and Scottish leagues down to just 20 clubs. The teams selected for this new Totalitarian League will be those which embody a characteristic common to all clubs as well as having a specific quirk entirely their own.

Just posted the following case for Southend to be included:
"If we are to have a truly Totalitarian League, then it needs a club with a decent experience of totalitarianism in its worst forms. Whilst many clubs can boast sob-stories of managers or chairmen with all the people skills of a starvation deranged polar bear, I believe my club has had some uniquely bad experiences in that department which demands inclusion in theTL. I give you a list of totalitarian leader traits which were demonstrated by 2 Southend United Chairmen during the 80's and 90's. Read it and weep.

- COUP D'ETAT - 25 years ago, there was a board coup under which a local businessman (a butcher, no less) Anton Johnson seized control of the club. He then presided over:
- AUTOCRATIC ELECTIONS - sacking the manager and installed his own choice of manager
- 'UNEMPLOYMENT ON THE JOB' - club relegation to the Fourth Division, recording a club record twelve consecutive games without a win in the process
- 'LACK OF SUPPORT FROM THE PEOPLE - attendances slumping to below 2,000 just 4 years after a record attendance of nearly 32,000 and regular attendances of around 8-10,000
- 'LOW PRODUCTIVITY' - finishing in our worst ever position, 20th in the Fourth Division, narrowly avoiding re-election.
- OUT OF CONTROL NATIONAL DEBT - a tripling of club debt to over £700,000 in debt
- CORRUPTION AT THE TOP - the board dipping into the SUFC Christmas Fund and taking over £70,000, money they couldn't pay back.
- MARTIAL LAW - When fans protested about the way the club was being run, they were banned from the ground as 'hooligans'.
In 1985 Johnson was arrested and found guilty of breaching Football League regulations.

That's not all. His successor, Vic Jobson, also had a taste for dictatorial tendencies:
- CENSORING THE FREE PRESS - Banned the only local paper from covering Southend games at all
- THREATS OF EXTRADITION - He once famously quipped 'if you don't like the way I am running this club, there's always 91 other league clubs you can go and watch'.
- OPPRESSION OF POPULAR LEADERS - managed to drive to the point of resignation one of the most successful, likeable and laid-back managers Southend has ever had (Dave Webb) not once but twice
- PUBLIC APPEARANCES EVEN WHEN VERY ILL - discharged himself from hospital in order to go to a Southend game

Should there be any need for additional reasons why Southend should be in the Totalitarian league, show me any other English club who has a 100% record of beating Manchester United since the Premier League. It doesn't get much more total than having a 100% record against the English and European Champions."
 

Napster

The Horse with no Name⭐
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
35,624
Location
The wilds of Kent
Should there be any need for additional reasons why Southend should be in the Totalitarian league, show me any other English club who has a 100% record of beating Manchester United since the Premier League. It doesn't get much more total than having a 100% record against the English and European Champions."
and world champions!
 

WickfordShrimper

President
Joined
Jan 21, 2007
Messages
4,698
I listen to Danny Baker's show on 5 Live on a Tuesday night.. Its a good show...

looking forward to hearing if we have made the Totalitarian League next week ?
 

bishmania

First XI
Joined
Feb 13, 2008
Messages
359
Location
Wolverhampton
I was listening and considering ringing about this the other week.

We deserve to be in this league, even if it is only on the Man United thing alone!
 

Eastblack

Coach
Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
705
Inclusion in the TL needs, if I'm not mistaken, something both unique and generic.

What's our generic?

The Man U thing alone is worth inclusion though.
 

Ron Manager

formerly Libertine
Joined
Jan 21, 2007
Messages
5,628
Location
Brisbane, Australia
I listen to the podcast of this every week and also wonder how we get Southend United in.

I think we should go as our unique point the fact we are the only team with a 100% record against Manc U. They were the first team put into the league by Danny and we need to have a team in there to challenge them - us!

The universal point could be moving grounds. We've moved from Roots Hall to the Kursaal to the Greyhound Stadium and back to Roots Hall again - with another move planned again. Throw in a few interesting facts about the Kursaal being right on the seafront and basically in an amusement park and the fact that in between leaving Roots Hall for the first time and going back the site was used as a rubbish dump and the pitch is actually so much higher than it was originally. The Candyman loves those little facts, I think we have a strong case.
 

Yorkshire Blue

Super Moderator⭐
Staff member
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
36,631
Location
London
I did try and suggest that we should be in as the antidote to Halesowen (cup upsets) - as cup upsets are only interesting so long as you also get big teams thrashing minnows (the 10-1 v Aldershot, 7-0 v Torquay (0-0 at h-t), and losing 8-0 to Palace (10-1 on aggregate) all in the same season; the 10-1 and 9-0 in consecutive FA Cup games) and also that we are the antithesis to 0-0s having had the fewest 0-0s in the last two and half years, despite our home games having seen the fewest goals in the league this season*.

I might try again on this theme.

@Libertine, Roots Hall was the last "old" ground to be built. We should also be in for the Scoreboard, which use to be on Vic Plaza.


*Is this still true?
 

Ron Manager

formerly Libertine
Joined
Jan 21, 2007
Messages
5,628
Location
Brisbane, Australia
Below is the email I've just sent off to the show -


Hello Candyman and Izzy!

Just a quick email from Sunny Brisbane to say thank you for the show which I listen to via the podcast every week. By the time I download it it’s Thursday morning and I listen to it on my way to work. I moved out here last August leaving behind friends, family and most importantly Southend United and your show is a great reminder of the irreverent chat about football I’d have down the pub before a game. In fact my last experience of English football was an away trip to The New Den just a couple of days before we flew out here.

On the subject of my beloved Shrimpers I want to make a late bid to get them into the Totalitarian League. Firstly the generic –

Moving Stadium – As it seems every other club has either moved to or planning to move to a new ground we at Southend United have a long history of hopping around the town on a regular basis. We started off where we are now, Roots Hall. We then moved from there to a bracing spot right beside the seaside at the Kursaal. The ground was basically in an amusement park and if the game was dull you could turn round and see the punters on the rides or if you were really lucky a motorcycle going round the wheel of death. From there we moved into the towns Greyhound Stadium before eventually moving back to the original site at Roots Hall. In the intervening years the site had been used as a rubbish dump and so the pitch now is several feet higher than it was when we played there first in 1906. That’s not the end of our nomadic life however, with plans to move to a spanking new all seater ground. Whether there will be a Wall Of Death behind one goal has yet to be confirmed however.

and the unique

Beating Man Utd – As the first team to be placed in the league Man Utd represent glamour and success. However all football fans like to see the glamorous and successful teams brought down a peg or two occasionally so you need their bogey team in there. As the only team in the country to have a 100% record against Man Utd (played 1 won 1) we will be able to put the frighteners on the Red Devils who given their record against Southend will hate playing us.

Regards
 

WickfordShrimper

President
Joined
Jan 21, 2007
Messages
4,698
Below is the email I've just sent off to the show -


Hello Candyman and Izzy!

Just a quick email from Sunny Brisbane to say thank you for the show which I listen to via the podcast every week. By the time I download it it’s Thursday morning and I listen to it on my way to work. I moved out here last August leaving behind friends, family and most importantly Southend United and your show is a great reminder of the irreverent chat about football I’d have down the pub before a game. In fact my last experience of English football was an away trip to The New Den just a couple of days before we flew out here.

On the subject of my beloved Shrimpers I want to make a late bid to get them into the Totalitarian League. Firstly the generic –

Moving Stadium – As it seems every other club has either moved to or planning to move to a new ground we at Southend United have a long history of hopping around the town on a regular basis. We started off where we are now, Roots Hall. We then moved from there to a bracing spot right beside the seaside at the Kursaal. The ground was basically in an amusement park and if the game was dull you could turn round and see the punters on the rides or if you were really lucky a motorcycle going round the wheel of death. From there we moved into the towns Greyhound Stadium before eventually moving back to the original site at Roots Hall. In the intervening years the site had been used as a rubbish dump and so the pitch now is several feet higher than it was when we played there first in 1906. That’s not the end of our nomadic life however, with plans to move to a spanking new all seater ground. Whether there will be a Wall Of Death behind one goal has yet to be confirmed however.

and the unique

Beating Man Utd – As the first team to be placed in the league Man Utd represent glamour and success. However all football fans like to see the glamorous and successful teams brought down a peg or two occasionally so you need their bogey team in there. As the only team in the country to have a 100% record against Man Utd (played 1 won 1) we will be able to put the frighteners on the Red Devils who given their record against Southend will hate playing us.

Regards

Very Good.....
 

shrimperman

Manager
Joined
Apr 22, 2005
Messages
1,915
Location
Rayleigh
Below is the email I've just sent off to the show -


Hello Candyman and Izzy!

Just a quick email from Sunny Brisbane to say thank you for the show which I listen to via the podcast every week. By the time I download it it’s Thursday morning and I listen to it on my way to work. I moved out here last August leaving behind friends, family and most importantly Southend United and your show is a great reminder of the irreverent chat about football I’d have down the pub before a game. In fact my last experience of English football was an away trip to The New Den just a couple of days before we flew out here.

On the subject of my beloved Shrimpers I want to make a late bid to get them into the Totalitarian League. Firstly the generic –

Moving Stadium – As it seems every other club has either moved to or planning to move to a new ground we at Southend United have a long history of hopping around the town on a regular basis. We started off where we are now, Roots Hall. We then moved from there to a bracing spot right beside the seaside at the Kursaal. The ground was basically in an amusement park and if the game was dull you could turn round and see the punters on the rides or if you were really lucky a motorcycle going round the wheel of death. From there we moved into the towns Greyhound Stadium before eventually moving back to the original site at Roots Hall. In the intervening years the site had been used as a rubbish dump and so the pitch now is several feet higher than it was when we played there first in 1906. That’s not the end of our nomadic life however, with plans to move to a spanking new all seater ground. Whether there will be a Wall Of Death behind one goal has yet to be confirmed however.

and the unique

Beating Man Utd – As the first team to be placed in the league Man Utd represent glamour and success. However all football fans like to see the glamorous and successful teams brought down a peg or two occasionally so you need their bogey team in there. As the only team in the country to have a 100% record against Man Utd (played 1 won 1) we will be able to put the frighteners on the Red Devils who given their record against Southend will hate playing us.

Regards

I don't listen to the show but I do see a problem which Mr Baker may pick upon. Assuming Man Utd are actually in this league, if we do happen to hypothetically play them and lose, then our unique fact is redundant.
 

Ron Manager

formerly Libertine
Joined
Jan 21, 2007
Messages
5,628
Location
Brisbane, Australia
My email didn't work, one place left in the league and one week of the show to go....maybe next week......

I'm quite looking forward to the show being on a Saturday from next season. I may even be able to listen to it live occasionaly (seeing as I have a limited social life with 2 young kids and it will be Saturday evening our time).
 
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