Stupid Women

[andrew_sthnd]

just been thinking about it and i must know some really stupid women as last year my friend was a first year psychology student studying communism and I was trying to teach her about marxism and communism. After about 5mins or so she comes out with this beauty..."So, is America communist?"

 

[GNH]

This always reminds me of some of the answers given on Family Fortunes.
Here are a few for your delights!

Something assosiated with the Police: "Pigs.."

Something that makes you close your eyes: "Dark.."

Something that comes in pairs: "Rabbits.."

A way of toasting someone: "Over a fire.."

A Boy's name beginning with the letter J: "Gerald.."

An instrument you can play while walking in the street: "A cello.."

A type of oil: "Sewing-machine oil.."

A word beginning with Z: "Xylophone.."

A slang word for a girl: "Slag.."

An animal with horns: "A bee..."

A medieval weapon: "Hand-grenade.."

Something made of wool: "A sheep.."

Something a bridegroom might wear: "A dress.."

Someone you wouldn't expect to see in a strip club: "Animals.."

An animal with a long tail: "A rabbit.."

Something a train-spotter would have in his pocket: "A magnifying glass.."

Something you put out for the birds: "Worms.."

A way to prevent snoring: "Put a pillow over his face.."

A word used to describe a very hot day: "A very hot day.."

A song from 'The Sound Of Music': "Dancing Queen.."
(Also from the same family: "I wake up each morning..", "The skies are blue..", and "Over the hills and far away..")

Someone who works early hours: "A burglar.."

Something made to be wheeled around: "A hammer.."

A reason for kneeling: "To be beheaded.."

A nickname for a slim person: "Slimmy.."

A measurement of liquid: "Paint.."

Something that's nice to wear next to your skin: "Pants.."

A famous Dick: "Carrot.."

A wild animal that's native to Britain: "A bear.."

Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: "Feeds your pets.."

Something that comes in 7's: "Fingers.."

A vocalist known by only one name: "Michael Jackson.."

A yellow fruit: "Orange.."

An animal beginning with B: "Bullfrog.."

Something associated with Liverpool: "The Yellow Brick Road.."

A boy mentioned in a nursery rhyme: "Little Red Riding Hood.."

Something associated with Queen Victoria: "Her husbands.."

Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: "Your legs.."

A place you would keep a pen: "A zoo.."

Something you beat: "An apple.."

Something associated with rain: "Water.."

An animal that lives in the English countryside: "A lion.."

Something you make into a ball: "Eggs.."

A game that uses a black ball: "Darts.."

A popular TV soap: "Dove.."

Other than 'carrier', a type of bag: "Horse.."

Something you might find in a garage: "a grand piano.."

Something a Frenchman would say Answer: "On Garde.."

A fast animal: "A hippo.."

Something you keep in the garden: "A cat.."

Something that gives you goosebumps: "Mumps.."

A character from Little Red Riding Hood: "Hansel and Gretel.."

Something that has a shell: "Batman.."

Any dance apart from the waltz: "The ball dance.."

Something a policeman might say: "Spread 'em.."

Something that frightens Dracula: "The King of the Vampires.."

A non-living object with legs: "A plant.."

A sign of the Zodiac: "April.."

An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: "Andy Pandy.."

A mode of transport that you can walk in: "Your shoes.."

An animal with big ears: "A bear.."

Something you do on water: "Wallpaper.."

A musical instrument you can play in the bath: "A drum kit.."

Something associated with Egypt: "Cigars.."

A part of your body you only have one of: "Your big toe.."

Something you pull: "A potato.."

An animal used as a form of transport: "A turtle.."

A famous Phil or Philip: "Phil Johnson.."

A habit people try to give up: "Spitting.."

A Thunderbirds character: "Doctor Spock.."

Another TV gameshow with the word 'family' in the title: "The Generation Game.."

A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro.."

Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

Something with a red light on it: "a Dalek.."

Something that makes you scream: "A squirrel.."

A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: "Chips.."

A type of record: "A floppy disk.."

A type of large cat: "Persian.."

A job that a working dog does: "A slave.."

Something people might be allergic to: "Skiing.."

An occupation where you need a torch: "A burglar.."

A well known superstition: "Running in front of a car.."

Something you use a microchip in: "A fish-fryer.."

A dangerous race: "The Arabs.."

A game played in the dark: "Charades.."

Some famous brothers: "Bonnie and Clyde.."

A jacket potato topping: "Jam.."

A part of the body you have more than two of: "Arms.."

Something you find on a fire engine: "Coal.."

A famous royal: "Mail.."

Something you do before going to bed: "Sleep.."

An item of clothing worn by the Three Muskateers: "A horse.."

An animal you see at the zoo: "Dog.."

Something you might do in a power cut: "Read a book.."

A famous Parisian landmark: "Hawaii.."

One of Harry Enfield's characters: "Sooty.."

A famous Irishman: "Disraeli.."

The first place detectives look for fingerprints: "The floor.."

Something you associate with the sea: "A coffin.."

A famous Arthur: "Shakespeare.."

A type of cut: "Skull.."

A weapon in the game of Cluedo: "Dice.."

Something people take to the beach: "Turkey.."

A reason someone digs a hole in the road: "Grave digger.."

An ingredient in chicken stuffing: "Chicken.."

Something a girl should know about a man before marrying him: "His name.."

A bird with a long neck: "A blackbird.."

A bird with a long neck (2): "Naomi Campbell.."

An item of clothing a woman might borrow from a man: "Underpants.."

Something taken from a hotel as a souvenir: "The lamps.."

Something you keep in a garden shed: "A gardener.."

A song with moon in the title: "Blue Suede Moon.."

A famous cowboy: "Buck Rogers.."

A famous Wild-West character: "Wild Bill Eacock.."

Something you'd associate with the three bears: "Red Riding Hood.."

Fruit used in fruit salad: "Cucumber.."

Something you wear on the beach: "A deckchair.."

A method of cooking fish: "Cod.."

Something you borrow from your partner: "Shoes.."

A part of the body beginning with N: "Knee.."

A famous Scotsman: "Vinnie Jones.."

A famous Scotsman (2): "Jock.."

Something red: "My cardigan.."

A kind of ache: "Fillet-o-fish.."

Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

Something with a hole in it: "A window.."

Something you do in the bathroom: "Decorate.."

Something you put on walls: "Roofs.."

A domestic animal: "A leopard.."

Something that floats in the bath: "Water.."

Something in the garden that's green: "The shed.."

Something a blind man might use: "A sword.."

The last thing you take off before going to bed: "Your feet.."

Something that flies without an engine: "A bicycle with wings.."

 

[fbm]

There are 2 very close things that rank as pretty stupid that I've actually overheard.

1)

Two women looking at Christmas cards. One takes a card off the shelf that features Jesus in the manger, with the 3 wise men, Mary and Joseph also in the scene. One lady says "Isn't that a lovely card?" and the other replies "Yeah, but don't send that one - you don't want to bring religion into it."

:thump:


2)

Conversation overheard between two teenagers. One had a boyfriend who had gone to Florence on holiday and she was concerned for his safety because of the arabs. The other replied, "What are you on about, Florence is in Italy!" The first one said "Really? Well where's this Florence of Arabia then?"

:hilarious:


I kid ye not.

 

[adwebb16]

Conversation overheard between two teenagers. One had a boyfriend who had gone to Florence on holiday and she was concerned for his safety because of the arabs. The other replied, "What are you on about, Florence is in Italy!" The first one said "Really? Well where's this Florence of Arabia then?"

:hilarious:

My ex once asked me:

"Why is the moon bright at night time and not during the day.", had me in stitches!

 

[overseas shrimper]

When it was first mentioned that Freddy could be called up for the Wales squad I told my missus that he is in line for an international call up, but not for England.

"Who for?" she asked.

I told her it was for Nigeria. She looked surprised but actually asked how this was possible. I told her that his Grandfather from his father's side was Nigerian and that the evidence of such heritage had obviously skipped a generation.

To my amazement, she actually said "Really?!" in a very shocked tone... but she believed me. Bless.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

 

[fbm]

When it was first mentioned that Freddy could be called up for the Wales squad I told my missus that he is in line for an international call up, but not for England.

"Who for?" she asked.

I told her it was for Nigeria. She looked surprised but actually asked how this was possible. I told her that his Grandfather from his father's side was Nigerian and that the evidence of such heritage had obviously skipped a generation.

To my amazement, she actually said "Really?!" in a very shocked tone... but she believed me. Bless.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

That's almost semi-believable after that Port Vale pasty-faced blond guy turned out for Trinidad & Tobago in the last World Cup. "That's some throwback" I thought...

 

[adwebb16]

Me - "Petrol is so expensive"
Female Friend - "It always costs £10 for me"