Stupid Women

[Desert Shrimper]

I once told a secretary that the kebab that you see going round and round at 3am was actually an "Elephant's leg" which she 100% believed. She said "That is just so cruel and wrong....I think I'll have a burger next time instead." We kept it going for a while before one of the other secretaries (the one with two GCSEs - nicknamed "The Professor") put her straight.

My question to the Shrimperzone public is this. What is the stupidest thing you have ever heard a woman say? I'm talking conventionally stupid rather than ill-advised/tactically naive, hence hearing a woman say "ok then" after you've drunkenly uttered the immortal "come back to mine, nothing has to happen, honest" doesn't actually count.

:guns:

 

[C C Csiders]

When I managed a betting shop (AR Dennis) in the delightful Green Street, East London, I had one of the world's stupidest women. I could go on for ages, but one two of the stupidest things she said were:

"'ere, you know that Cliff Richard. Do you know his real name is Dover Dick?"

and doing the Sun crossword one day she asked "'ere, what's an ar-chip-ell-argo?"

There are many, and various others that time does not permit me to reveal (yet).

 

[Cricko2]

I was in Montys Bar in Leigh a few years back on a wet day in the middle of summer. Two girls sitting next to me were just chatting about the weather when one turned to the other and said in all seriousness.

"I feel sorry for those on holiday abroad in this weather".

I have a feeling she was Blonde.

 

[number11]

I once told a secretary that the kebab that you see going round and round at 3am was actually an "Elephant's leg" which she 100% believed. She said "That is just so cruel and wrong....I think I'll have a burger next time instead." We kept it going for a while before one of the other secretaries (the one with two GCSEs - nicknamed "The Professor") put her straight.

My question to the Shrimperzone public is this. What is the stupidest thing you have ever heard a woman say? I'm talking conventionally stupid rather than ill-advised/tactically naive, hence hearing a woman say "ok then" after you've drunkenly uttered the immortal "come back to mine, nothing has to happen, honest" doesn't actually count.

:guns:

Similar, a girl I was seeing asked me what mayonaise was made from. I was evidently in a sarcastic mood as I said 'Chicken Livers'.... I evidently had not appreciated the total trust and faith she had in my knowledge and proceeded to tell me how gross that was and she would not have it any more etc etc....
Actually she was a lovely girl, just a bit naive at the time....

 

[DTS]

When Saddam Hussain was caught by the Americans my ex bird asked me where he had been caught...I said he was on holiday in Margate when he was spotted and she said - How stupid - Margate isnt even very nice.:confused:

I also once convinced Sandie that I work with the Isle of Wight was in fact Gran Canaria and that it was ok to do a normal UK mortgage there. :mad:

 

[Benji91]

Her " what day is it today"
Me " Saturday"
Her "no its not"
Me "Yes it is"
Her " why do you always wind me up"
Me "Its saturday"
Her "what day was yesterday"
Me "Friday"
Her "it cant be Saturday, if yesterday was Friday today must be thursday"

 

[JoshC]

My mum come up with loads, like whilst watching the 2003 (?) FA cup final with millwall she got wise mixed up with terry, dont ask me why. she started going on about how much a thug john terry was i couldn't beleive what i was hearing.
on a saturday morning she asked, how was 'the three Ronnies' last night?"
also i am not sure if this is universal but do you get called by every other persons name in the house before your own

 

[Bluesmanager]

Not just people. I've been called Ben (the name of my dog) before.

 

[Xàbia Shrimper]

We were playing a game at a BBQ on Saturday evening in which you have to guess the name of the person on the card. I think it's called "Who's In The Bag?" or something. Anyway, it was boys vs girls (the boys led ably by Unc won convincingly BTW) and one of the girls asked "another name for dog" to which one of her team-mates screamed "CAT!" at the top of her voice. The game was suspended for five minutes because the boys could not continue through hysterical laughter ...

 

[andrew_sthnd]

Only last week i told my friend that instead of buying bags of pre made ice she should buy some ice making solution as it will easily freeze in time for the party! The best part was not only did she believe me instantly, she actually asked an assisstant in the shop where it was kept! haha! my nan also thought that a hole in one in golf was a shot that, when hit from the tee, went really close to the hole and could then be potted easily! No, it has to go in the hole in one try otherwise it would be a hole in two! haha!

 

[Pubey]

Only last week i told my friend that instead of buying bags of pre made ice she should buy some ice making solution as it will easily freeze in time for the party! The best part was not only did she believe me instantly, she actually asked an assisstant in the shop where it was kept! haha! my nan also thought that a hole in one in golf was a shot that, when hit from the tee, went really close to the hole and could then be potted easily! No, it has to go in the hole in one try otherwise it would be a hole in two! haha!

hahaha priceless!

 

[scrounger]

"If away goals count for double, why do teams bother trying when they play at home?"

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

What is the stupidest thing you have ever heard a woman say?

I was sat in a bar, overlooking the Thames in central London, when my then girlfriend pointed at the extremely famous and iconic building on the South Bank and enquired:

"Why does that building have noughts and crosses on it?"

I knew the relationship wasn't really going to work after that...

:thump:

 

[callan]

Mrs Callan has had hours of fun trying to buy following items at various retail shops in southend from my Christmas list;
Hokey cokey 2000 with high speed adapter (B+Q 2004).
Tutti Frutti 500 (woolworths 2005).
Bananarama special edition converter pod (Dixons 2006).

 

[Einstein]

"If away goals count for double, why do teams bother trying when they play at home?"

Nicely. Who was that?!

Surely, we should get Bambi on this thread. He has probably dated more stupid women than the whole messageboard has put together!!

 

[GrimmRobes]

"'ere, you know that Cliff Richard. Do you know his real name is Dover Dick?"

That's one of the funniest things I've read in my entire life!!


I can't think of any particularly dumb things I've heard women say, but I believe I used to work with one of the thickest, most gullible women ever. A few of the things she believed;

During the petrol shortage of 2000, she made some comment about driving out of London to find a garage with fuel. We told her that it would be the same everywhere as the entire nation's petrol comes from the same huge underground tank in the Midlands and she believed it.

I told her I kept a prosthetic arm at home which I purchased purely to display my collection of wristbands and she belived it.

And my favourite - she believed my friend Andy when he told her that Erroll Brown (Hot Chocolate singer) was sueing Montell WIlliams (US TV host) for stealing his image!!!

Errol Brown

Montel Williams

 

[Bluesmanager]

I was sat in a bar, overlooking the Thames in central London, when my then girlfriend pointed at the extremely famous and iconic building on the South Bank and enquired:

"Why does that building have noughts and crosses on it?"

I knew the relationship wasn't really going to work after that...

:thump:

You'll have to forgive me (haven't been to London in ages), but what building are you on about?

 

[GrimmRobes]

You'll have to forgive me (haven't been to London in ages), but what building are you on about?

The Oxo Tower perhaps?

 

[Bluesmanager]

Oxo Tower?! Oxo has a tower?

Although that does explain the noughts and crosses.

 

[Jonny_Stokes]

Have you never been up the Oxo Tower, bluesmanager?!?!?