• Welcome to the ShrimperZone forums.
    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which only gives you limited access.

    Existing Users:.
    Please log-in using your existing username and password. If you have any problems, please see below.

    New Users:
    Join our free community now and gain access to post topics, communicate privately with other members, respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and free. Click here to join.

    Fans from other clubs
    We welcome and appreciate supporters from other clubs who wish to engage in sensible discussion. Please feel free to join as above but understand that this is a moderated site and those who cannot play nicely will be quickly removed.

    Assistance Required
    For help with the registration process or accessing your account, please send a note using the Contact us link in the footer, please include your account name. We can then provide you with a new password and verification to get you on the site.

BLUEBLOOD

Moderator of Moderators
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
16,223
Location
Southend On Sea
The International Council of Man Laws


1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly
optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7. In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pitstops, not the weakest.

8. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model
and only when it's free.

10. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

11. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

14. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

15. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

16. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

17. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by
the phone. Hang up if necessary.

18. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling
weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

19. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

20. Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, yellow, orange or sky blue.

21. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!'
gets an Xbox 360. End of story.

22. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

23. Never wear a man bag to work.

24. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definition of each is listed below:

'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to
say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife
square on the *** and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

I hope this clears up any confusion,

Sincerely,

The International Council of Man Laws
 
Top