Matt the Shrimp
aka Harry Potter
We've all heard of the Golden Boot - that trophy awarded to the most prolific striker at the end of the season. The heroically talented Mr. Eastwood has already bagged one for his personal trophy cabinet.
However, here at Shrimperzone, we're not happy unless we're moaning... and so I give you The Lead Boot.
This imaginary honour is to be bestowed on the striker whom, in recent years, you feel is the most inept, the most useless, the most donkey-like, the most appalling you've ever seen in the blue shirt of Southend.
In order to make it a "like-for-like" competition, I'm only going to pick those strikers who appeared for Southend during our spell in the bottom flight between 1998 and 2004. I'm also being a bit judgemental and ruthless, in that I've left out certain strikers who, though bad (and even bad value for money), weren't talentless. A classic case of that would be Barry Conlon - expensive, terrible value for money... but patently had talent.
I've also left out Tes. Yes, his time here was deeply irritating. I doubt I'll ever see a talent more unfulfilled in my entire time as a Shrimper. If he had an ounce of get-up-and-go he'd be in the Championship, one suspects. But he doesn't, so he's at Stockport... but even then, he's still not worthy of the Lead Boot.
So, who are the runners and riders in this particular rogues' gallery? In alphabetical order:
Barrington Belgrave: All bustle and bravura from the former Pilgrim... although is he rightly, or unfairly, vilified for a below-par performance in (shock, horror) an Essex Senior Cup Game?
Drewe Broughton: Accused by Cousin Weir of "being so inept as to drag my beloved team to the verge of the Conference", yet to others a legend.
Neil Campbell: Looked and played like Quasimodo... but then there was that hattrick at Orient!
Trevor Fitzpatrick: Hung around for years with his black fringe doing now't... or a young poacher with a bright future, perhaps?
Graeme Jones : A "20-goal a season" man according to Buzz Lightyear... or a cantankerous has-been of differeing leg lengths to others. But was Newman's billing a millstone?
Tony Richards: "Pony" Richards to many, and we shelled out hard-earned; but then a classy brace against Halifax lives long in the memory...
Mark Salter: The normally mild mannered Richard Coxell vented copious amounts of bile about the man from Frome Town... yet he scored against Orient - at the right end of the pitch.
Danny Webb: Elbows, aggression, and a burgeoning talent...? Or was he only in the side because he was the gaffer's son?
I've left out those who were not here long enough truly to have registered on the Shrimper consciousness... although Dominic Foley's awfulness almost got him in.
And finally, I've included an Other... but there better be a jolly good explanation and he must have played for us between 1998 and 2004 - so it's a small window.
SZ... you decide: who gets the Lead Boot?!
However, here at Shrimperzone, we're not happy unless we're moaning... and so I give you The Lead Boot.
This imaginary honour is to be bestowed on the striker whom, in recent years, you feel is the most inept, the most useless, the most donkey-like, the most appalling you've ever seen in the blue shirt of Southend.
In order to make it a "like-for-like" competition, I'm only going to pick those strikers who appeared for Southend during our spell in the bottom flight between 1998 and 2004. I'm also being a bit judgemental and ruthless, in that I've left out certain strikers who, though bad (and even bad value for money), weren't talentless. A classic case of that would be Barry Conlon - expensive, terrible value for money... but patently had talent.
I've also left out Tes. Yes, his time here was deeply irritating. I doubt I'll ever see a talent more unfulfilled in my entire time as a Shrimper. If he had an ounce of get-up-and-go he'd be in the Championship, one suspects. But he doesn't, so he's at Stockport... but even then, he's still not worthy of the Lead Boot.
So, who are the runners and riders in this particular rogues' gallery? In alphabetical order:
Barrington Belgrave: All bustle and bravura from the former Pilgrim... although is he rightly, or unfairly, vilified for a below-par performance in (shock, horror) an Essex Senior Cup Game?
Drewe Broughton: Accused by Cousin Weir of "being so inept as to drag my beloved team to the verge of the Conference", yet to others a legend.
Neil Campbell: Looked and played like Quasimodo... but then there was that hattrick at Orient!
Trevor Fitzpatrick: Hung around for years with his black fringe doing now't... or a young poacher with a bright future, perhaps?
Graeme Jones : A "20-goal a season" man according to Buzz Lightyear... or a cantankerous has-been of differeing leg lengths to others. But was Newman's billing a millstone?
Tony Richards: "Pony" Richards to many, and we shelled out hard-earned; but then a classy brace against Halifax lives long in the memory...
Mark Salter: The normally mild mannered Richard Coxell vented copious amounts of bile about the man from Frome Town... yet he scored against Orient - at the right end of the pitch.
Danny Webb: Elbows, aggression, and a burgeoning talent...? Or was he only in the side because he was the gaffer's son?
I've left out those who were not here long enough truly to have registered on the Shrimper consciousness... although Dominic Foley's awfulness almost got him in.
And finally, I've included an Other... but there better be a jolly good explanation and he must have played for us between 1998 and 2004 - so it's a small window.
SZ... you decide: who gets the Lead Boot?!
