The Source of Our Defensive Difficulties

[Bentley's Absurd Gait]

We all know that we concede too many goals from set plays, and this has been attributed to a lack of height on the part of our custodian and centre backs. Two of the goals in last night's rout have also been summarised thus: 'I blame the dwarf in nets'.

But that's not it. What we lack is hair. Our players are clean shaven with skinheads or nice smart short haircuts. This is not the way to defend. We need Mick Mills style taches and Shane Westley mullets. Facial hair and flowing locks equals clean sheets. A dream back four would be:

Left Back - Barry Chuckle
Centre Back - Chuck Norris
Centre Back - Barry Gibb
Right Back - Burt Reynolds (wearing a wig)

And in goal, Steven Seagal

Ron, Tilly, make it happen.

 

[Uncle Leo]

Good point BAG. You never saw Steve Foster miss many headers

 

[* ORM *]

Or Paul Clark

 

[Bentley's Absurd Gait]

Good point BAG. You never saw Steve Foster miss many headers

Or Eric Young - headbands should be compulsory.

 

[canveyshrimper]

I think Sky (w)anchorman Richard Keys should be in there somewhere, a man so hirsute he blow dries himself after a shower.

 

[Uncle Leo]

Or Paul Clark

Who was of course first on my list. Legend. Couldn't find a picture of him though. He did play with Steve Foster at Brighton at least...

 

[Uncle Leo]

But some defenders, like Juan Pablo Sorin, take it too far

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

Just look what happened to our form when Simon Francis attempted to grow a beard. Had he been any good growing a beard just imagine how far we'd have gone.

The hair-performance correlation is long established, and dates all the way back to (Paul) Samson.

At the risk of being controversial, I would argue it is all about balance. I think balding centre-halves (eg Barrett) work as long as they are balanced by a mullet, or better still an afro.

Che Wilson was a crap defender, but wearing his wig we won the title.

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

Incidentally, the power of hair works in politics as well. The candidate with the better hair has won every general election and US Presidential Election since about 1945. It explains Boris beating Ken and why Brown is getting trounced in the polls by Cameron.

 

[OldBlueLady]

On that basis then Collis ought to be a shoe-in as his is quite bouffant.

 

[* ORM *]

I definitely think BAG and YB are on to something. This also extends to midfield. Gower's loss of form coincided with a haircut but his hair grows quickly as we've seen over the last few weeks. Clearly not enough hair in CM so welcome back SUPER Kevin Maher and problems solved.

 

[Bentley's Absurd Gait]

Incidentally, the power of hair works in politics as well. The candidate with the better hair has won every general election and US Presidential Election since about 1945. It explains Boris beating Ken and why Brown is getting trounced in the polls by Cameron.

Very good point, and you can mock Adolf's greased down black barnet, but it has a certain something in my view.

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

On that basis then Collis ought to be a shoe-in as his is quite bouffant.

The evidence is mounting.

 

[OldBlueLady]

The evidence is mounting.

Also, going back a bit, didn't Freddy's loss of form coincide with the big shave?

 

[canveyshrimper]

I definitely think BAG and YB are on to something. This also extends to midfield. Gower's loss of form coincided with a haircut but his hair grows quickly as we've seen over the last few weeks. Clearly not enough hair in CM so welcome back SUPER Kevin Maher and problems solved.

Not sure about the midfield allusion as Ronnie Pountney was follically challenged.

 

[derek duvall]

Charles 'Death Wish' Bronson on a season long loan?

"no judge, no jury, no appeals, no deals."

 

[Bentley's Absurd Gait]

Charles 'Death Wish' Bronson on a season long loan?

"no judge, no jury, no appeals, no deals, no Wet Sham scum."

The post of the century. Duvall is the thinking man's Mad Cyril.