Slipperduke
The Camden Cad
Transfer deadline day is one of the most exciting of the season and, with the window slamming shut right on our deadline, you're not going to miss a thing. We told Iain Macintosh to set his alarm clock early, power up his Blackberry, stay tuned to the news and scour the internet for rumours. Here's how his day panned out....
0630 - It's snowing! London is covered with six inches of deep crisp snow! I grab my winter clothes and head out for a newspaper, but the going is slow. Cars are wheelspinning and skidding on the road alongside me and almost all public transport is shut down. How are the players going to dash up the country for a late medical now?
0730 - Andrei Arshavin is rumoured to be in North London. Could this be the end to a long-running saga? Let's hope so, I can't be the only one who's bored senseless with it.
0830 - It's very quiet out there. Has anyone made it into work? Only me, I suppose but then my morning commute is a short walk from my bedroom to the front room.
0945 - The talks between Arsenal and Zenit St Petersburg have broken down over personal terms and Arshavin is on his way to the airport. He's not happy apparently and I'm not surprised. He'll never take off in this blizzard. Mind you, Arsenal really could have done with some kind of creative force in their midfield. However much Arshavin was going to cost, will it be any more expensive than missing out on Champions League football?
1015 - The snow-covered TV reporter outside St James Park is reporting that Mike Ashley has sent him out a cup of coffee and a bacon roll. Aw!
1030 - There are rumours that Spurs have made a cash bid for Robbie Keane. Will Keane jump at the chance or does he want to prove himself at Anfield? In other news, Peterborough boss Darren Ferguson has signed James Chester on loan from, erm, Manchester United. It's who you know, isn't it?
1100 - Robbie Keane is reported to be heading down to London. In a sledge pulled by huskies, presumably.
1140 - I was wondering how many layers I'd have to wear to survive Tuesday night at The Emirates, but not anymore. Arsenal's FA Cup replay with Cardiff has been postponed, 36 hours before kick-off.
1210 - News breaking that the FA are attempting to negotiate with FIFA and extend the transfer deadline because of the adverse weather conditions. With the roads snowed in, airports closed and trains cancelled, players simply can't travel. A 24 hour extension would make a lot of sense, but when have FIFA ever made sense?
1240 - Robbie Keane is scheduled to have a medical at Tottenham this afternoon, if he ever arrives. Will he even pass the medical? He could have frostbite by now.
1255 - Word on the street is that Inter Milan are offering Ricardo Quaresma to Tottenham in exchange for Jermaine Jenas or David Bentley. Seriously. I guess Jose hasn't been watching much of Spurs this season.
1315 - Poor old Giavani. One minute he's at Barcelona, the next he's at White Hart Lane and now today it is revealed that Tottenham have accepted bids from two unnamed clubs. If this career curve continues, those two clubs will probably be Southend and Doncaster.
1320 - Portsmouth clearly aren't that broke. They've signed Angelos Basinas, the 33 year old Greek international who was in the Euro 2004 team and it's emerging that they are one of the clubs chasing Giovani. That's better than Doncaster, isn't it? What's that? Oh.
1410 - Everton had no decent strikers available to them at the start of today and I'm afraid that the situation hasn't changed. They've just signed Manchester City's abject frontman Jo, surely the worst Brazilian footballer to ply his trade in the UK since Mirandinha
1420 - Ah, there we go. The Premier League have announced that if they receive emails from two clubs agreeing a deal 'in principle', they'll allow the transfers to be completed after the deadline. How very sensible. The last thing we need is the likes of Dean Ashton or Michael Owen trying to drive up a snowy motorway to complete a deal. With their luck with injuries, there's no telling what might happen.
1440 - Lanky West Ham reserve Calum Davenport is on his way up north, he's going to mistiming defensive headers for Sunderland, assuming he passes his medical.
1455 - There are sightings of Ricardo Quaresma at White Hart Lane, if you believe the rumours on the internet. Mind you, if you believe the rumours on the internet Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen and buried underneath the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Is Quaresma any good? He was brilliant in Portugal, but flopped miserably in Spain and Italy where Jose Mourinho told journalists that he was 'disappointed' with his performances for Inter. When you disappoint Jose, it's usually because you haven't worked hard enough which doesn't bode well for a Tottenham side with more talent than heart.
1530 - Newcastle have gone to astonishing lengths to make sure that Ryan Taylor never scores against them again. They've swapped Charles N'Zogbia for him. That'll do it.
1554 - Robbie Keane's miserable spell at Liverpool is over. Sources at Anfield have announced that they have agreed a fee with Tottenham Hotsur. What a waste of six months. Tottenham lost a talisman and found themselves deep in the relegation zone. Liverpool got a striker who was never going to fit into their way of playing and who lost the faith of Rafa Benitez within his first ten games at the club. It has been one of the most phenomenally unsuccessful big money deals in the history of world football, but will this latest twist satisfy anyone? Here's what my Tottenham season ticket holding friend thinks.
"I've got the raving hump now. It's not that he's a bad player, obviously he was revered here, but after everything that's happened it tastes a bit sour."
So there you go. More to the point though, how healthy is Liverpool's title challenge now that they've got hardly any strikers? If Fernando Torres gets injured, it's going to be David N'gog in at the deep end. Yikes.
1555 - Andrei Arshavin has agreed terms with Arsenal! Arsenal have agreed terms with Zenit St Petersburg! It's all over, finally! No, it's still not confirmed, they're arguing about percentages of signing on fees! Oh Lordy, will this deal ever end?
1621 - Andrei Arshavin has passed his medical. He's getting closer.
1627 - Do you remeber Olivier Dacourt? Roy Hodgson does and he's just signed him for Fulham
1632 - Oooh, apparently Chelsea want Quaresma and are trying to hijack Tottenham's deal for him. If anyone could help him reach his potential, it's Big Phil.
1643 - Roque Santa Cruz won't be going anywhere, according to Manchester City. They could have had him for GBP25m, but politely declined. Quite right too. He's a good striker, but he's not that good.
1653 - Tottenham claim that they are out of the race to sign Ricardo Quaresma, which means that Chelsea must have agreed a deal. What a fantastic final twist to the day, in no way down to the fact that Quaresma and Colari share the same agent.
1700 - So there it is, the window has slammed shut for everyone, unless of course they'v emailed The Powers That Be and agreed the move in principle, in which case we'll know more in the next 24 hours. Well, the snow is still piling up around my North London flat, so if you don't mind I'm going to get myself a shovel and dig my way to the pub for a stiff drink. Only to keep warm, obviously....
0630 - It's snowing! London is covered with six inches of deep crisp snow! I grab my winter clothes and head out for a newspaper, but the going is slow. Cars are wheelspinning and skidding on the road alongside me and almost all public transport is shut down. How are the players going to dash up the country for a late medical now?
0730 - Andrei Arshavin is rumoured to be in North London. Could this be the end to a long-running saga? Let's hope so, I can't be the only one who's bored senseless with it.
0830 - It's very quiet out there. Has anyone made it into work? Only me, I suppose but then my morning commute is a short walk from my bedroom to the front room.
0945 - The talks between Arsenal and Zenit St Petersburg have broken down over personal terms and Arshavin is on his way to the airport. He's not happy apparently and I'm not surprised. He'll never take off in this blizzard. Mind you, Arsenal really could have done with some kind of creative force in their midfield. However much Arshavin was going to cost, will it be any more expensive than missing out on Champions League football?
1015 - The snow-covered TV reporter outside St James Park is reporting that Mike Ashley has sent him out a cup of coffee and a bacon roll. Aw!
1030 - There are rumours that Spurs have made a cash bid for Robbie Keane. Will Keane jump at the chance or does he want to prove himself at Anfield? In other news, Peterborough boss Darren Ferguson has signed James Chester on loan from, erm, Manchester United. It's who you know, isn't it?
1100 - Robbie Keane is reported to be heading down to London. In a sledge pulled by huskies, presumably.
1140 - I was wondering how many layers I'd have to wear to survive Tuesday night at The Emirates, but not anymore. Arsenal's FA Cup replay with Cardiff has been postponed, 36 hours before kick-off.
1210 - News breaking that the FA are attempting to negotiate with FIFA and extend the transfer deadline because of the adverse weather conditions. With the roads snowed in, airports closed and trains cancelled, players simply can't travel. A 24 hour extension would make a lot of sense, but when have FIFA ever made sense?
1240 - Robbie Keane is scheduled to have a medical at Tottenham this afternoon, if he ever arrives. Will he even pass the medical? He could have frostbite by now.
1255 - Word on the street is that Inter Milan are offering Ricardo Quaresma to Tottenham in exchange for Jermaine Jenas or David Bentley. Seriously. I guess Jose hasn't been watching much of Spurs this season.
1315 - Poor old Giavani. One minute he's at Barcelona, the next he's at White Hart Lane and now today it is revealed that Tottenham have accepted bids from two unnamed clubs. If this career curve continues, those two clubs will probably be Southend and Doncaster.
1320 - Portsmouth clearly aren't that broke. They've signed Angelos Basinas, the 33 year old Greek international who was in the Euro 2004 team and it's emerging that they are one of the clubs chasing Giovani. That's better than Doncaster, isn't it? What's that? Oh.
1410 - Everton had no decent strikers available to them at the start of today and I'm afraid that the situation hasn't changed. They've just signed Manchester City's abject frontman Jo, surely the worst Brazilian footballer to ply his trade in the UK since Mirandinha
1420 - Ah, there we go. The Premier League have announced that if they receive emails from two clubs agreeing a deal 'in principle', they'll allow the transfers to be completed after the deadline. How very sensible. The last thing we need is the likes of Dean Ashton or Michael Owen trying to drive up a snowy motorway to complete a deal. With their luck with injuries, there's no telling what might happen.
1440 - Lanky West Ham reserve Calum Davenport is on his way up north, he's going to mistiming defensive headers for Sunderland, assuming he passes his medical.
1455 - There are sightings of Ricardo Quaresma at White Hart Lane, if you believe the rumours on the internet. Mind you, if you believe the rumours on the internet Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen and buried underneath the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Is Quaresma any good? He was brilliant in Portugal, but flopped miserably in Spain and Italy where Jose Mourinho told journalists that he was 'disappointed' with his performances for Inter. When you disappoint Jose, it's usually because you haven't worked hard enough which doesn't bode well for a Tottenham side with more talent than heart.
1530 - Newcastle have gone to astonishing lengths to make sure that Ryan Taylor never scores against them again. They've swapped Charles N'Zogbia for him. That'll do it.
1554 - Robbie Keane's miserable spell at Liverpool is over. Sources at Anfield have announced that they have agreed a fee with Tottenham Hotsur. What a waste of six months. Tottenham lost a talisman and found themselves deep in the relegation zone. Liverpool got a striker who was never going to fit into their way of playing and who lost the faith of Rafa Benitez within his first ten games at the club. It has been one of the most phenomenally unsuccessful big money deals in the history of world football, but will this latest twist satisfy anyone? Here's what my Tottenham season ticket holding friend thinks.
"I've got the raving hump now. It's not that he's a bad player, obviously he was revered here, but after everything that's happened it tastes a bit sour."
So there you go. More to the point though, how healthy is Liverpool's title challenge now that they've got hardly any strikers? If Fernando Torres gets injured, it's going to be David N'gog in at the deep end. Yikes.
1555 - Andrei Arshavin has agreed terms with Arsenal! Arsenal have agreed terms with Zenit St Petersburg! It's all over, finally! No, it's still not confirmed, they're arguing about percentages of signing on fees! Oh Lordy, will this deal ever end?
1621 - Andrei Arshavin has passed his medical. He's getting closer.
1627 - Do you remeber Olivier Dacourt? Roy Hodgson does and he's just signed him for Fulham
1632 - Oooh, apparently Chelsea want Quaresma and are trying to hijack Tottenham's deal for him. If anyone could help him reach his potential, it's Big Phil.
1643 - Roque Santa Cruz won't be going anywhere, according to Manchester City. They could have had him for GBP25m, but politely declined. Quite right too. He's a good striker, but he's not that good.
1653 - Tottenham claim that they are out of the race to sign Ricardo Quaresma, which means that Chelsea must have agreed a deal. What a fantastic final twist to the day, in no way down to the fact that Quaresma and Colari share the same agent.
1700 - So there it is, the window has slammed shut for everyone, unless of course they'v emailed The Powers That Be and agreed the move in principle, in which case we'll know more in the next 24 hours. Well, the snow is still piling up around my North London flat, so if you don't mind I'm going to get myself a shovel and dig my way to the pub for a stiff drink. Only to keep warm, obviously....
