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Tuesday's crap text message jokes....

Vange Shrimper

Mrs Rock God
Joined
Oct 25, 2003
Messages
14,069
Location
Westcliff-on-Sea
In 2010, the UK govt. will start shipping ******* away. My eyes watered when I thought of losing you. Be strong. Wear your helmet and take your crayons.

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This fella fancies a girl in his office but she has a boyfriend. He approaches her and offers her £1000 if she'll have sex with him. 'I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and ill be finished by the time you pick it up'. The girl consults her boyfriend. He advises her to go for it and pick it up real fast and he wont have a chance. An hour later he phones her and asks what's going on. 'I can hardly walk, the ******* used pound coins!'

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Husband just finished reading the book 'Man of the House' when he stormed into the kitchen, pointed a finger at his wife's face and says 'From now on I want you to know I am the Man of the House and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal for me tonight and every night. Then you will run me a bath. Then you will lie on the bed and take what's coming to you and then in the morning, guess who's going to wash a dress me?' Wife replies 'The f*cking undertaker!'.

I thank you....
 
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In 2010, the UK govt. will start shipping ******* away. My eyes watered when I thought of losing you. Be strong. Wear your helmet and take your crayons.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

This fella fancies a girl in his office but she has a boyfriend. He approaches her and offers her £1000 if she'll have sex with him. 'I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and ill be finished by the time you pick it up'. The girl consults her boyfriend. He advises her to go for it and pick it up real fast and he wont have a chance. An hour later he phones her and asks what's going on. 'I can hardly walk, the ******* used pound coins!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Husband just finished reading the book 'Man of the House' when he stormed into the kitchen, pointed a finger at his wife's face and says 'From now on I want you to know I am the Man of the House and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal for me tonight and every night. Then you will run me a bath. Then you will lie on the bed and take what's coming to you and then in the morning, guess who's going to wash a dress me?' Wife replies 'The f*cking undertaker!'.

I thank you....

That first one was not funny when you sent it by TXY either!!!
 
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