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palexander

Life President
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
7,508
Location
C*lchester
Saw this on Football 365. Always nice to have a chuckle at the neighbours...

Watching Colchester can be dismal and it’s usually pretty uneventful, but last night I had the most bizarre and disturbing evening I can remember.
As Paul, the bloke I normally go to games with, was working, I arranged to sit next to “Clive” (not his real name), someone to whom Paul introduced me a couple of seasons ago and whom I’ve met a few times since.
You get a lot of blokes like him at lower league football – mid 40s, scruffy, slightly dribbly.
Last time I saw him, about six months ago, he told me he’d just split from his wife.
I think I know why…
I took my seat at kick-off and wondered where he’d got to.
A couple of minutes into the game, I absent-mindedly stepped aside to let a woman take her seat, my concentration being on the game.
Only when ‘she’ said “No, that’s my seat” did I recognise the voice and realise it was “Clive”, wearing a long chestnut-coloured wig, an excess of foundation, which didn’t quite cover the 5 o’clock shadow, and a vat of cheap perfume. He’d hastily painted his nails, but in a concession to normality was wearing his Colchester United shirt, albeit stuffed with who knows what to create the impression of tits.
Once I’d got over the (considerable) shock, I began to wonder about how this must look to all the other blokes sat round us – “Oh dear, I don’t fancy yours much” “Oh, you make a lovely couple” and all that.
I found it quite hard to concentrate on the game.
 

Csboy

Manager
Joined
Dec 8, 2003
Messages
1,599
so supporting Colu turns you into a woman after a while!!!! enough said.
 

Cockle43

Manager⭐
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
1,178
Location
(Was) Back home on the North Bank now back in W.
And there was me thinking they just had webbed feet.........

And just think how 'he' must have melted unnoticed into that massive 'Essex Derby' crowd of 4515, still, a pretty good crowd compared to Saturday; 3600 ish for a side unbeaten this season and lying fifth in the table, playing in a brand new stadium.... Robbie Cowling must have very deep pockets, I wonder for how long?
 
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palexander

Life President
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
7,508
Location
C*lchester
Yea, there is calls pretty much every day from Ward in the local rag for more people to turn up. Weird how such a large town gets such **** crowds, especially considering the new stadium, better players, doing well in the league etc?

Ipswich is literally 10-15 mins on the train, so that may have something to do with it, but barely see any Ipswich shirts in town, comapred to lots of colu shirts and training gear worn by the inmates that shuffle around the shops.
 

palexander

Life President
Joined
Oct 27, 2003
Messages
7,508
Location
C*lchester
Probably because it's a git of a ground to get to and from.

Oh, and it's Colchester playing....

The new road that they are now well into building, will make it probably the easiest ground to get to and from very soon! Ramp off the A12 straight into the car park, which is what they always intended. Hope our ground has such well planned access...
 
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