@MK Shrimper, I’ve compiled a broad & comprehensive list of guidelines that your female staff members, may find helpful, in preparation for the upcoming merger;
1 - Appropriate attire should be worn at all times; Ditch the Chanel pantsuits & Christian Louboutin heels, and slip into some frogmans gear upon entering.
2 - Yes, the floor does get wet. We don’t know why, but someone is meant to be coming out to look at it this afternoon.
3 - The toilet seat occasionally intercepts the crossfield pass. It’s unfortunate, but inevitable. We could lift it up, but it is not going to be touched by bare hands, ever.
4 - Toilet roll is a privilege. And a rarity. This largely accounts for Rule 3.
5 - Be aware that there is a chance that all bodily fluids may be excreted here. Yes,
all of them.
6 - No, you can’t do anything about that smell.
7 - Full blown conversations are strictly prohibited. If the need to speak arises, please keep it to short, sharp sentences; I.e. “Hello mate”, “I ****ing hate this place” & “****ing stinks in here”, are all perfectly acceptable.
8 - Yes, the hot tap will always scald you, and yes, the cold tap will always give you chillblains. Similarly, the hand dryer will always be nuclear hot in the summer, and as cold as The Schofield’s marital bed, in the winter. It maybe the reason why some people don’t wash their hands altogether. It’s not right, but it happens.
9 - We don’t know what the stains on the mirror are. We just grimace at the thought of what it could be, & go about our business.
10 - Don’t touch the door handle when leaving. If in doubt, refer to Rules 5 & 8
Welcome to equality ladies. Us men are pigs. Enjoy.