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Blue tinted optimist
Oct 28, 2003
Cloud cuckoo land
It's a tough life following the fortunes of a lower league side.

Let us just imagine that we ended up in the National League (Conference) before rising like a Phoenix from the flames...

On life in the National League

This is embarrassing, we've never played at this level before
Tinpot teams
Rubbish home crowds
Useless grounds to visit
Poorer standard of football, makes hoofball look like Barcelona
Crap players
Can't attract anyone decent to the club
Can't afford to run Cat 2 Academy

Brown/Martin out

On life in League 2

Appalling division
Every game like Groundhog day
Dreadful football
Visiting teams park the bus
Too many northern teams
Embarrassing to be in same league as club like Morecambe (ahem)
Footballing tactics don't work

Brown/Martin out

On life in League 1

Probably get relegated
Opposition better so we lose more games
Can't score enough goals
Even more Northern teams
Can't compete with bigger L2 clubs for players
Don't have a big enough squad

Brown/Martin out

On life in the Championship

Almost certainly finish bottom
Can't attract really good players due to lack of wages
Have to break wage budget which spells future disaster
Too many people in Roots Hall, it's uncomfortable
Can't get out the car park
Enforced international break when we have no internationals
Can no longer stand a reasonable chance of winning a cup as we can't enter the LDV

Brown/Martin out

On life in the Premiership

Bloody kick off times all over the place
Ticket prices through the roof
Can't win many games
Get several heavy defeats
Best players leave for more money elsewhere and we can't replace them

Brown/Martin out

On the new stadium (when built)

Took bloody long enough
Not enough fans to fill it
Parking problems
Infrastructure rubbish - long walks to ground
Miles from a station
Only 3 sides
Still no onions in the burgers

Brown/Martin out

etc etc

And yes, this is tongue in cheek...
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