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sufc_tom

Striker
Joined
Jan 16, 2008
Messages
1,912
Location
Southend
Email I got...

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?



Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?



Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?



Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?



Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?



Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?



What is the speed of darkness?



Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?



Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?



If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?



How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?



Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?





Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'



Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there...? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.'



Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?



Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?



Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?



Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?



Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!



If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?



If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?



If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?



Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.......



Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?



Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?



Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
 
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

A) Because we try and get the remainding life out of the battery to get our money's worth.

B) Did man really land on the moon? I personally dont think we did. And that's my own opinion!
 
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
In case the crash before meeting enemies.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Its harder to check the stars thing


What is the speed of darkness?
There isn't one


Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
No


If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
136.5 kelvins


Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
A farmer


Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Not all humans are decent


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
No

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
No


Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
You don't have my email adress... do you?

Hope that helps
 
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
In case the crash before meeting enemies.

Or maybe it's because their helmet doubles up as their headset and without it they wouldn't be able to communicate...
 
I read somewhere that a Beaver secretes salicylic Acid (the active ingredient in Asprin) from a Gland in its Anus, and it was used as a painkiller....

So who one earth thought "My teeth really hurt, I know I will try rubbing some of that stuff oozing out of that Beavers ar5e into my gums to see if that fixes it " ?
 
I read somewhere that a Beaver secretes salicylic Acid (the active ingredient in Asprin) from a Gland in its Anus, and it was used as a painkiller....

So who one earth thought "My teeth really hurt, I know I will try rubbing some of that stuff oozing out of that Beavers ar5e into my gums to see if that fixes it " ?

They probably didn't. It was probably discovered by some scientist. Which begs the question, what was the scientist doing "investigating" a Beaver's ****?

This could run and run...
 
why do people presss both up and down on a lift??? if they are going up and the lift is going down, all they do is hold up themselves and others, even worse is when they decide to get into the lift "beacuase theyve been waiting ages" ****s
 
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