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I'd managed to block MVoto at Hartlepool last season out of my head, that was absolutely horrendous.
 
OK, I've got my XI

GK M. Prudhoe v Barnet, at fault for 2 goals. Subbed at ht
RB A. Harris v Carlisle, shocking performance even by his standards. I think technically he was playing right side of three central defenders for this game, but his positioning was so bad he may as well have been at right-back.
CB J-V M'voto v Swindon, dreadful performancebecause he clearly wasn't remotely fit. Responsible for two goal inside 10 minutes. Subbed after 48 minutes
CB B. Lewis v Grimsby, subbed after 22 minutes when 3-0 down, all 3 his fault
LB C. Wilson v Sheff Wed, the top three contenders for this position were all Che, but this was the worst of the lot. Subbed at ht, having been at fault for 2 goals and them looking like scoring every time they attacked down their right hand-side.
RM S. Ashenden v Watford, woefully out of his depth. not sure he ever played professionally or even semi-professionally again
CM B. Silkman v Exeter, managed 90 minutes without getting his shirt dirty on a Somme of a pitch
CM G. Parris v Walsall, awful performance in a thrashing. Subbed for Phil Gridelet after 74 minutes, never played professional football again
LM J. Nielsen v Charlton came on as sub at h-t on Boxing Day and was clearly still drunk from the day before.
CF D. Broughton v Bristol Rovers - combined his usual touch of a rapist with missing a penalty. Nobody in the ground thought he'd actually score it, but I don't think anyone thought he'd scuff it and for it to dribble 5 yards wide.
CF J. Allon - started but subbed after about 35 minutes as he was so bad.

These are the standards that define bad.
 
Chris Ramsey was lucky not to be included - anyone who saw the dark days of the Dick Bate regime from the end of August to mid-September 1987 will know exactly of which I speak. :stunned:
 
LB C. Wilson v Sheff Wed, the top three contenders for this position were all Che, but this was the worst of the lot. Subbed at ht, having been at fault for 2 goals and them looking like scoring every time they attacked down their right hand-side.
.
CF J. Allon - started but subbed after about 35 minutes as he was so bad.

These are the standards that define bad.

I recall Che's performance at Hillsborough was so poor in that 1st half, that it made Ian Riley ( a dire reserve full back we had in the late 60's) look good.
Also remember Joe Allons one and only appearance after Judas Fry signed him on loan(from Brentford?) in 93. Dont know who was more embaressed, him or the crowd when he was hauled off.
 
Daniel Webb v the embarrassment that was Kingstonian at home in the FA cup. It was the 3rd round and easy pickings. I recall going to Torquay to get a draw (for the 2nd time in 2 years in the FAC 1st rnd) and seeing them off in a drab replay at home, then the big canvey "away" game in front of a cracking 11,000 at the hall. It was the first excitement for the fan's since Otto and Angell had left the club....but the lumbering donkey that was the great man's son couldn't see the ball, grasp the offside flag, or take any of his hat full of chances and finally when he had an open goal and the chance to save the tie, everyone drew breath and thought "finally!!!!" he managed to scuff the ball along the floor, tamely hit the post and just trot to the dead ball line with his head in his hands.....MORON

Other candidate was Damon Searle. I recall that in the same season, sandwiched between the Canvey and Kinstonian games, the people of southend (9,900) came out on boxing day to see a good local derby. Given the av gate that year was about 3,900 the lads froze and it was all the worse when the deciding goal of the game was a harmless floating cross that Darryl rose to comfortably claim. Not if Searle had anything to do with it, he also tried to head the ball unchallenged, as he and Darryl collided the ball fell to the ground. "Never mind" we thought, Darryl will pick it up, but Searle rolled over to look for the ball and inadvertantly and agonisingly rolled it into his own net. This moment of sheet calamity gifted our nearest and dearest xmas bragging rights. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! FWIW I actually like Searle, just took me about a week to forgive him!
 
The other thing I remember about that Carlisle game was that we were so bad we actually missed Keith Dublin. Hard to believe that's possible but it's true. Mark Stimson played sweeper attempted to play sweeper that day and demonstrated a turn of pace that to describe as glacial would be generous.


Right have looked up that game (was Jan 1998). It's possibly our worst ever line-up: Southall, Hails, Stimson, Coulbault, Harris, Lewis, Jones, Perkins, Thomson, Fitzpatrick, Clarke


Today's trivia: not one but two of that defence never played professional football again:hilarious:

Ben Lewis and Chris Perkins. God they were dire.

It's also worth noting that despite losing 5-0 Alv*n ****ing Mart*n didn't bother to make a single substitution.

Ben Lewis played 15 games and we conceded five goals in three of them. I didn't go to Grimsby (we lost 5-1 with Tommy Widdrington scoring - and it goes without saying - Lee Nogan) but I see Lewis got subbed after 22 minutes with us 3-0 down already. Anyone remember that game, because knowing how bad Ben Lewis was I suspect that's a strong candidate for this team?

That line up is worse than I remember. I also forgot about Stimson's efforts to play/stand in the centre! Considering we started that season (incidentally also against Carlisle - does anyone remember their atrocity of an away shirt?!) with the likes, of Boere, Marsh, Royce, Roget and Paul Byrne, how did it get so bad?

Did you look at the Carlisle team as well, they had Rory Delap, Matt Jansen and Ronnie Wallwork all in their starting line up.
 
That line up is worse than I remember. I also forgot about Stimson's efforts to play/stand in the centre! Considering we started that season (incidentally also against Carlisle - does anyone remember their atrocity of an away shirt?!) with the likes, of Boere, Marsh, Royce, Roget and Paul Byrne, how did it get so bad?

Did you look at the Carlisle team as well, they had Rory Delap, Matt Jansen and Ronnie Wallwork all in their starting line up.

Alvin Martin.


Porr Thommo getting stuck with that lot.

The Carlisle kit was bad, but do you remember the Brighton away kit?
 
I recall Che's performance at Hillsborough was so poor in that 1st half, that it made Ian Riley ( a dire reserve full back we had in the late 60's) look good.
Also remember Joe Allons one and only appearance after Judas Fry signed him on loan(from Brentford?) in 93. Dont know who was more embaressed, him or the crowd when he was hauled off.

Blimey, Ian Riley, I think he made his debut against Rochdale at home, and had an absolute shocker. Luckily I'd forgotten about him until you reminded me, you git. :smile:
 
Kerrea Gilbert against Leyton Orient in 2007. It was his first game for us after joining on loan from Arsenal and he was horrible! We lost the game 2-1, Gower scored for us, Macca was sent off and Gilbert played at right back. His only highlight was a fan a few rows in front also not pleased by his performance that game and just yelled out "Send Him Back!" If I remember correctly he didn't play all that many games for us afterwards. Oh Dear!
 
John Neilson, boxing day at home to Charlton during the glorious 96/97 season. Came on at left midfield and gave the worst performance I have ever seen.
Super, super John, super, super John, super, super John, super Johnnie Nielsen... But he wasn't actually, was he?
 
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