• Welcome to the ShrimperZone forums.
    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which only gives you limited access.

    Existing Users:.
    Please log-in using your existing username and password. If you have any problems, please see below.

    New Users:
    Join our free community now and gain access to post topics, communicate privately with other members, respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and free. Click here to join.

    Fans from other clubs
    We welcome and appreciate supporters from other clubs who wish to engage in sensible discussion. Please feel free to join as above but understand that this is a moderated site and those who cannot play nicely will be quickly removed.

    Assistance Required
    For help with the registration process or accessing your account, please send a note using the Contact us link in the footer, please include your account name. We can then provide you with a new password and verification to get you on the site.

Today's Top Tips (Calendar 2007).

Forums New posts
DTS

DTS

The Business
Joined
Oct 25, 2003
Messages
16,175
Location
In a world of my own.
This year I got the Blues calender as a gift from Dad of DtS.

I think gradually the calender has gone down hill from the dizzy heights of David Crown's cheesy posing in a Mazda or Barrington Belgrave dressed as Santa in the back of a Ford Ka - Down to todays woeful offering.

Last Thursday was of course the 1st of March. Time to bid goodbye to the February hero that is JCR and get another blues "star". I flicked the page with wild anticipation - Who would it be , Freddy, Adam Barrett maybe even Jamie Lawson.

The sight that greeted me was not good. Luke "The ****" Guttridge. The last thing I want to see last thing at night after a skinfull. I am sure you all have the same problem.

However - Todays top tip is as follows -

February and March have exactly the same days to dates - EG 1st March in a Thursday and so on in both months. Therefore you need not look at that annoying Borient Toss Peice for the first 28 days of the month as you can keep February open.

Sadly you do have to look at Gutts for the 29th-31st or March.

Do any other SZ readers have top tips for us all to share?

DtS :finger:
 
top tip... get out of the house! the weather is lovely today!
 
Save a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam. They
will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.
 
I don't have the calender, but if it is like I assume it is, rip out the page with Guttridge on it (I'm assuming this page will have the February calender on the back) then look at JCR for the entirety of March, not just the first 28 days. You can also do whatever you want with the ripped out page, maybe an effigy is order, or perhaps simply use Luke's face as toilet paper.
 
Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
 
Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

Make people think you have an expensive car phone by calling them, asking them to repeat everything they say and then hanging up half way through their reply.

Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on boxing day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
 
Sorry you didn't like my present Dave, I won't bother next year!!!

Another suggestion for your calender is to stick a picture of the woman of your choice face, over Gutteridge's face (you've got plenty of choice from the pile of magazines under your bed).
 
Dad of Dave the Shrimper said:
Sorry you didn't like my present Dave, I won't bother next year!!!

Another suggestion for your calender is to stick a picture of the woman of your choice face, over Gutteridge's face (you've got plenty of choice from the pile of magazines under your bed).
Click to expand...

1-0! :hilarious:

I'm sure you'll all be pleased to know that Gutts will finally get into our starting line up this coming Saturday.
 
Dad of Dave the Shrimper said:
Sorry you didn't like my present Dave, I won't bother next year!!!

Another suggestion for your calender is to stick a picture of the woman of your choice face, over Gutteridge's face (you've got plenty of choice from the pile of magazines under your bed).
Click to expand...

Moan,Moan.Moan.

Ok will give you your mags back next home game. I'm not sure about the big fat mommas one anyway.

Cheers
DtS :guns:
 
Last edited:
Dave the Shrimper said:
This year I got the Blues calender as a gift from Dad of DtS.

I think gradually the calender has gone down hill from the dizzy heights of David Crown's cheesy posing in a Mazda or Barrington Belgrave dressed as Santa in the back of a Ford Ka - Down to todays woeful offering.

Last Thursday was of course the 1st of March. Time to bid goodbye to the February hero that is JCR and get another blues "star". I flicked the page with wild anticipation - Who would it be , Freddy, Adam Barrett maybe even Jamie Lawson.

The sight that greeted me was not good. Luke "The ****" Guttridge. The last thing I want to see last thing at night after a skinfull. I am sure you all have the same problem.

However - Todays top tip is as follows -

February and March have exactly the same days to dates - EG 1st March in a Thursday and so on in both months. Therefore you need not look at that annoying Borient Toss Peice for the first 28 days of the month as you can keep February open.

Sadly you do have to look at Gutts for the 29th-31st or March.

Do any other SZ readers have top tips for us all to share?

DtS :finger:
Click to expand...

Buy a car calender for March, will be cheap, plus no Gutts, ****er
 
I don't know if it has been said before but Kevin Maher - the club captain and man with most appearances of anyone in the current side by over 100 - is not to be found on the calendar at all!!!

Neither in Spencer Prior (less of a sin given his squad status now but still the man with third most appearances for Blues in any of the current squad)
 
Flashing Blade said:
I don't know if it has been said before but Kevin Maher - the club captain and man with most appearances of anyone in the current side by over 100 - is not to be found on the calendar at all!!!

Neither in Spencer Prior (less of a sin given his squad status now but still the man with third most appearances for Blues in any of the current squad)
Click to expand...

Kevin Maher isn't my idea of a pin-up, but each to their own.
 
IF a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

:D
 
Here's a tip, don't lay India to reach 300 runs and then see them hit the mark with the last ball fo the game...

:(
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

.



Club News
Fixtures and Results
League Table
SUFC Ticket Stats
Shrimpers Trust
SoccerBase
SUEPA (Ex Players)
Shrimperzone on Facebook
Shrimperzone on Twitter
Shrimperzone on Instagram
SUFC Exiles


ShrimperZone Sponsors

FFM MSPFX Foreign Exchange Services

Zone Advertisers MFF2

Zone Advertisers Zone Advertisers

ShrimperZone - Player Sponsorship


Southend United Away Travel


All At Sea Fanzine


Back
Top