todays dilemma

[scrounger]

One for Southend United:

Young Tommy loved wearing things frilly
And thought his apendage looked silly
So he changed his whole life
With a very sharp knife
And now he's not Tommy, he's Tilly!

 

[MK Shrimper]

This is the finest thread ever :)

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

one day he said with a grin as he wiped his chin

Ahh, John - the preferable lines 3 & 4 for that limerick are:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose c*ck was so long he could suck it.
Quoth he with a grin
Wiping cum from his chin,
"If my ear were a c*nt I would f*ck it!"

;)

Here's a nice one for y'all:

There once was a rabbi called Keith
who circumcised men with his teeth.
'Twas not for the treasure,
nor sexual pleasure,
but to get to the cheese underneath.




Ithangyow.
:fart:

 

[canveyshrimper]

Sorry about this but....

There was a young lady from the Azores
Whose quim was covered in sores
All the men in the street
Cried out for more meat
As the green lumps dropped from her drawers
;) :eek:

 

[Stats]

The was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a particular feeling
She laid on her back
And Opened her crack
And pee'd all over the ceiling

 

[Benfleet A1]

I went for a stroll
Up an elephants hole
And the stench was enough to blind me

So I grabbed his c*ck for a walking stick
And I left the sh!t behind me.


Thank you, im here all week

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Some ecclesiastical limericks for you...


There once was a Bishop of Buckingham
Who stood on the bridges in Uppingham
To watch all the stunts
of the c*nts in the punts
and the tricks of the pr*cks who were f*cking 'em.


There once was a Bishop of Birmingham
Who screwed all the boys whilst confirming 'em.
He knelt on his hassock
And lifted his cassock
And pumped his episcopal sperm in 'em.


:O

 

[MrB]

There once was a MARTIN who's gimmick
was a dress sense that no one would mimic
In May it's his plan
to hit Amsterdam
On return it's a trip to the clinic

 

[South Bank Hank]

There is one true Blue Southend player
Who's proved through the years he's a stayer.
He'll never be hunky
With a head like a Monkey
But we all love our own Kevin Maher!

 

[* ORM *]

Oh dear I cannot compete with these but I still recall this one I learnt as a wee nipper.

There was a young woman from China
Who went for a cruise on a liner
She slipped on the deck
She twisted her neck
And now she can see right behind her.

 

[canveyshrimper]

Oh dear I cannot compete with these but I still recall this one I learnt as a wee nipper.

There was a young woman from China
Who went for a cruise on a liner
She slipped on the deck
She twisted her neck
And now she can see right behind her.

Which reminds me.

There was a young man of Cathay
On a slow boat to China one day
Was trapped at the tiller
By a sex crazed gorilla
And China's a long way away

Or

There was a young man from Glosham
Who took out his bollox to wash 'em
His wife said Jack
If you don't put 'em back
I'll stamp on the buggers and squash 'em

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

A bit more cultured this time...

Whilst Titian was painting Rose Madder,
the Madder reclined on a ladder.
The position to Titian
suggested coition
So he climbed up the ladder and had 'er.

 

[C C Csiders]

Just penned this one:

There was a young man from Wick
Who had an incredibly large dick
It got stuck in his flies
But to his surprise
He got away with no more than a nick