All-time Southend comedy XI

[Floval Flyer]

I nominate Danny Greaves, very funny and nice guy. Back in the very early 80’s me and my school mates used to stand in the old East paddock near the players tunnel, he’d often come over and chat with us kids and often had a few (dirty-ish) jokes to tell us!

 

[RobM]

Owen "Slicer" Simpson. Never managed a straight pass.

Joe Allon. Two appearances, subbed both times.

 

[RobM]

does anyone remember Peter Woods? He played left-midfield in 72-73. We went to Swansea and he played like Bambi on ice until he suddenly went down injured with no one near him. Our players were so embarrassed they were apologising to the Swansea players. Still managed a 1-1 draw which made the journey home better!

I don't remember him but he was subbed by Peter Taylor in that match.

 

[fbm]

The team would have to be managed by Colin Murphy, though I'm sure he paid a professional comedy writer to pen his programme notes.

His interviews were comical too. After a TV game once, he said - I'll try and quote exactly - "As they say in football, when one door opens, another one closes and... errr... another one opens again."

But he signed Stanley so he obviously had something about him though...

 

[LCBB72]

does anyone remember Peter Woods? He played left-midfield in 72-73. We went to Swansea and he played like Bambi on ice until he suddenly went down injured with no one near him. Our players were so embarrassed they were apologising to the Swansea players. Still managed a 1-1 draw which made the journey home better!

He was signed from Luton Town about the same time Dennis Booth came from Blackpool , signed by Athur Rowley for a promotion push . He was a job lot signing for Luton when Woods , Ken Goodeve , Don Givens and one other who I cant remember signed from Manchester United , was also a playing sub against Chelsea in the League Cup in 72 , I believe he left us and went to Doncaster Rovers .

 

[Worcester shrimper 64]

As mentioned on the Rob Kiernan saga thread, Phil Gridelet's career may well have been a piece of performance art.
He's going to be my captain in my all-time Southend comedy XI.

Who have I missed?


GK Mel Capelton - Mel holds off professional funnyman Terry Alderton for this role with his unpredictable routines.

RB Andy Harris - a walking audition for Danny Baker's own goals and gaffes, we're still waiting to see if Andy is going to choose to play for England u21s or the USA. His finest moment at Roots Hall was skying a clearance straight up in the air to set up the only goal of the game. Fortunately Harris was playing for Chester at the time and Laurie Dudfield tucked it away.

LB Dave McSweeney - the Sweeney gets in mainly for his ability to switch between the sublime and the ridiculous. Who else remembers the day he first pulled that Cruyff turn out of nowhere? Glorious. No stranger to the own goal either.

CB Bilel Mohsni - Bilel was nothing if not box office. From thumping the pitch to thumping the ball in from 30 yards to thumping the opposition Bilel had it all. If something ridiculous happened you knew he'd be in the middle of it. Who else could after 3 months out for disciplinary reasons be sent off first match back for an accidental flying karate kick?

CB Leo Roget - scoring 35 yard free-kicks in extra time, instigating punch-ups, banging on the Barnet dressing room when they were playing their stereo too loud - Leo was another one in the thick of the action. Who else could have get sent off for impersonating Jerone Boere?

RW Dom Iorfa - a born entertainer. My favourite Dom story pre-dates his Southend days and was during a QPR reserve match when he waited for Ray Wilkins to come over to take a throw-in. He waited until Butch got next to him and then for no reason at all threw the ball over his head and just grinned. Textbook Iorfa that he continued into his Southend career.

LW Ricky Otto - whether being chased by a hammer in Cosenza or trying to nutmeg a defender just to get the defender to lose his temper Ricky Otto played with a massive grin on his face and a real sense of mischief.

CM Phil Gridelet (c) - best remembered for his Andy Rammell contact lens routine, Grids was the quintessential comedy performer. His innocent face after diving/hacking someone down was often worth the price of admission alone.

CM Russ Williamson - I'm pretty certain he must have run through the legs of a gangly defender at some stage of his career. Gets in ahead of Derek Payne in the comedy dwarf stakes despite Payne's Speedie work.

CF Tes Bramble - Tes was another versatile comedy performer. His greatest hits includes hiding from police sniffer dogs behind a hedge, his awesome cameo in goal v Boston and of course an own goal against Orient.

CF Big Bad Barry Corr - I can't actually remember any Corr funny stories but it feels as if there should have been loads and that's good enough for me.

Sub
(1) Bedsente Gomis - the most glorious half hour cameo in Southend history
(2) Gareth Risbridger - the most glorious 60 second cameo in Southend history

How the f... can you include Big Bad Barry. He would do a better job at the moment than the **** we have up front at the moment. Oh wait a minute he is available. Sign him on now, at least he knows where the goal is. WE ARE GOING DOWN.

 

[blues exile]

He was signed from Luton Town about the same time Dennis Booth came from Blackpool , signed by Athur Rowley for a promotion push . He was a job lot signing for Luton when Woods , Ken Goodeve , Don Givens and one other who I cant remember signed from Manchester United , was also a playing sub against Chelsea in the League Cup in 72 , I believe he left us and went to Doncaster Rovers .

Ah, Dennis Booth, who seemed to spend most matches marooned in the centre circle pointing and shouting at people.

 

[cerbera45]

Neville Southall
David Howell
Mick Gooding
Barrington Belgrave
Blair Sturrock
Neville Roach

 

[AndyT]

Can you imagine a front two of Belgrave and Sturrock!

* shudders *

 

[Voice of Reason]

Can you imagine a front two of Belgrave and Sturrock!

* shudders *

I, d probably take that at the moment

 

[B.B.The Legend Lives On.]

He was signed from Luton Town about the same time Dennis Booth came from Blackpool , signed by Athur Rowley for a promotion push . He was a job lot signing for Luton when Woods , Ken Goodeve , Don Givens and one other who I cant remember signed from Manchester United , was also a playing sub against Chelsea in the League Cup in 72 , I believe he left us and went to Doncaster Rovers .

James(Jimmy)Ryan a winger was the other player that Luton Town signed alongside Ken Goodeve, Don Givens & Peter Woods from Manchester United in April 1970. In the early 1980's Ken Goodeve played a couple of seasons alongside Billy Best for Bedford Town.

 

[LCBB72]

James(Jimmy)Ryan a winger was the other player that Luton Town signed alongside Ken Goodeve, Don Givens & Peter Woods from Manchester United in April 1970. In the early 1980's Ken Goodeve played a couple of seasons alongside Billy Best for Bedford Town.

That's it Jim Ryan could not remember him , Don Givens went on to play for QPR and scored 2 goals against Southend in the FA Cup replay in 75 at Loftus Road .

 

[Benfleet A1]

Bernie Lewis. I never saw him play but did work with him for several years on the post. A bad tempered taff who once cut up a bus in a post van, pulled across the front, leaped out and grabbed the bus drivers keys and chucked them over a house (yes, I did say house) at Jotmans Corner in Benfleet. I dread to think what he must have been like on the pitch.

 

[LCBB72]

Bernie Lewis. I never saw him play but did work with him for several years on the post. A bad tempered taff who once cut up a bus in a post van, pulled across the front, leaped out and grabbed the bus drivers keys and chucked them over a house (yes, I did say house) at Jotmans Corner in Benfleet. I dread to think what he must have been like on the pitch.

Bernie was a good winger who signed from Watford ,was part of the 1971-72 promotion team .

 

[Yorkshire Blue]

How the f... can you include Big Bad Barry. He would do a better job at the moment than the **** we have up front at the moment. Oh wait a minute he is available. Sign him on now, at least he knows where the goal is. WE ARE GOING DOWN.

This isn't a team of bad players (otherwise Corr would be ineligible). It's a team of funny players.

Some I rate as footballers, some I didn't rate as footballers.

 

[Trav]

During a time where we were definitely not going anywhere as a football club, I almost welcomed a Mohsni crazy moment to liven things up even if it meant a red card. Fistycuffs at Barnet, having to be restrained between full time and penalties against Orient because he wanted to go and take them all on, scoring from 40 yards, looking up and passing into the stands in an area of the pitch where we had absolutely no players at all, standing still and shouting at himself long after the ball has gone if he had miscontrolled it, uneccesary but incredible gangly legged stretching tackles, unnecesary and also unfortunately penalty giving away gangly legged stretching tackles....are all among the highlights for me during otherwise forgettable fixtures.

 

[LCBB72]

During a time where we were definitely not going anywhere as a football club, I almost welcomed a Mohsni crazy moment to liven things up even if it meant a red card. Fistycuffs at Barnet, having to be restrained between full time and penalties against Orient because he wanted to go and take them all on, scoring from 40 yards, looking up and passing into the stands in an area of the pitch where we had absolutely no players at all, standing still and shouting at himself long after the ball has gone if he had miscontrolled it, uneccesary but incredible gangly legged stretching tackles, unnecesary and also unfortunately penalty giving away gangly legged stretching tackles....are all among the highlights for me during otherwise forgettable fixtures.

I remember Chris Guthrie and Dave Worthington being pulled apart by team mates on the pitch at A P Leaminton about 1974 in a FA Cup game .

 

[C C Csiders]

You don't get much more slapstick than making your debut, playing 10 or so minutes as a sub; and then get your kneecaps blasted off with a sawn-off. So, David Roche please.

 

[RobM]

Bernie Lewis. I never saw him play but did work with him for several years on the post. A bad tempered taff who once cut up a bus in a post van, pulled across the front, leaped out and grabbed the bus drivers keys and chucked them over a house (yes, I did say house) at Jotmans Corner in Benfleet.

I can imagine Basil Fawlty doing that!

 

[RobM]

During a time where we were definitely not going anywhere as a football club, I almost welcomed a Mohsni crazy moment to liven things up even if it meant a red card. Fistycuffs at Barnet, having to be restrained between full time and penalties against Orient because he wanted to go and take them all on, scoring from 40 yards, looking up and passing into the stands in an area of the pitch where we had absolutely no players at all, standing still and shouting at himself long after the ball has gone if he had miscontrolled it, uneccesary but incredible gangly legged stretching tackles, unnecesary and also unfortunately penalty giving away gangly legged stretching tackles....are all among the highlights for me during otherwise forgettable fixtures.

Love or loathe Bilel, he was entertaining! You rarely saw...

Mohsni 6. Didn't really notice him