Friday

[sufc_stu]

The Joys of Flying
A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport, and taking his

seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the
plane.

He realized she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo! She took
the
seat right beside him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or
vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the
annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!



Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
business
role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the
popular
myths about sexuality."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men
are
the
most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is
most
likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men
are
the
best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.

We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are
the

Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she
said.

"I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your
name!"

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me
Paddy."

 

[steveh1510]

Why did the baker work overtime?


'Cos he kneaded the dough.

 

[Vange Shrimper]

What do you do if an Elephant has 3 balls?

Walk him and then pitch the the Rhino......

 

[blues_r_best]

Two cannibals are eating a clown, and one says to the other, "does this taste funny to you?"

 

[Technician]

Things to be aware of, when taking a flight...

At the check-in...

1.) Ask to be seated at the rear of the aircraft.
2.) Ask for the seat under which the black-box is fitted.
3.) Ask who will be flying the plane.

Reasons...

1.) Aircraft never knowingly reverse into mountains... if you sit near the front, with exception of the pilots, you are closer to the crash than everyone else! [Tip: remember! What goes up, must come down!]
2.) If the black-box [which is painted ORANGE] is all the crash investigators expect to get back in the event of a crash, then you should make sure you are fastened to it!
3.) It could be Mr Blobby for all you know...

Other useless information about aircraft...

1.) If your aircraft is flying at 30,000ft at a speed of 450knots and you put your hand out of the window, two things will happen!

A.) You, and anyone sitting near you, will be sucked out of the tiny hole within a split second!  

B.) The temperature on the skin of the aircraft will be +40C, but the outside temperature will be -40C

NOTE.) The aircraft expands approximately 12" during flight... therefore, if you see daylight anywhere in the cabin [except the windows, of course], it would be adviseable to tell someone!

One thing I have never understand about aircraft though...

Why on earth do they use frosted glass for the windows in the toilets? It's unlikely that anyone will be looking in at 30,000ft!!!  

 

[Napster]

Quote[/b] (Technician @ Sep. 03 2004,12:51)]2.) If the black-box [which is painted RED]

it's orange.

 

[Technician]

Quote[/b] (Napster @ Sep. 03 2004,12:53)]

Quote[/b] (Technician @ Sep. 03 2004,12:51)]2.) If the black-box [which is painted RED]

it's orange.

So, i'm colour-blind... it's not black though! right!!!

 

[* ORM *]

Quote[/b] (Technician @ Sep. 03 2004,13:51)]NOTE.) The aircraft expands approximately 12" during flight...

If it's a female aircraft does it get moist between the legs ?

 

[Vange Shrimper]

Quote[/b] (* ORM * @ Sep. 03 2004,17:56)]

Quote[/b] (Technician @ Sep. 03 2004,13:51)]NOTE.) The aircraft expands approximately 12" during flight...

If it's a female aircraft does it get moist between the legs ?

 

[* ORM *]

Oy ! Hils ! I don't s'pose Eastwoodbury Lane is going to be graced by your presence this Sunday ?

 

[Vange Shrimper]

I cant make it this Sunday, but i'll def be there on the 19th Sept. I kinda like watching SZFC play Sutton Sports for some reason, shame i wont be there tho.......

 

[Technician]

Quote[/b] (* ORM * @ Sep. 03 2004,17:56)]

Quote[/b] (Technician @ Sep. 03 2004,13:51)]NOTE.) The aircraft expands approximately 12" during flight...

If it's a female aircraft does it get moist between the legs ?

Behave! It's between the Aisles ORM, not legs!  

 

Moisture in the cabin, might be the aircraft losing hydraulic fluid... if it is, then there might be a fair few passengers requiring a change of under garments...!

Of course you could try flapping your arms very fast out the windows, but as I mentioned earlier... this is not adviseable and humans are not renowned for unpowered flight!  

Did you know that all landings are known as "Controlled Crashes!"

You will find it comforting to know that each pilot, has the same number of take-offs as landings... however, the pilot knows that in the event of a crash, he has little to worry about...

At the subsequent board of enquiry, he'll be the only one there!!!  

It's also very convenient that the airlines supply a sick bag! Not a very pleasant thing to know that the last thing you might ever do is hurl into a sick bag...!