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sufc_stu

Coach
Joined
Oct 26, 2003
Messages
954
Location
Southend-On_Sea
The Joys of Flying
A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport, and taking his

seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the
plane.

He realized she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo! She took
the
seat right beside him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or
vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the
annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!



Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
business
role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the
popular
myths about sexuality."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men
are
the
most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is
most
likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men
are
the
best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.

We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are
the

Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she
said.

"I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your
name!"

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me
Paddy."
 

Technician

Guest
Things to be aware of, when taking a flight...

At the check-in...

1.) Ask to be seated at the rear of the aircraft.
2.) Ask for the seat under which the black-box is fitted.
3.) Ask who will be flying the plane.

Reasons...

1.) Aircraft never knowingly reverse into mountains... if you sit near the front, with exception of the pilots, you are closer to the crash than everyone else! [Tip: remember! What goes up, must come down!]
2.) If the black-box [which is painted ORANGE] is all the crash investigators expect to get back in the event of a crash, then you should make sure you are fastened to it!
3.) It could be Mr Blobby for all you know...

Other useless information about aircraft...

1.) If your aircraft is flying at 30,000ft at a speed of 450knots and you put your hand out of the window, two things will happen!

A.) You, and anyone sitting near you, will be sucked out of the tiny hole within a split second!  
ghostface.gif


B.) The temperature on the skin of the aircraft will be +40C, but the outside temperature will be -40C

NOTE.) The aircraft expands approximately 12" during flight... therefore, if you see daylight anywhere in the cabin [except the windows, of course], it would be adviseable to tell someone!

One thing I have never understand about aircraft though...

Why on earth do they use frosted glass for the windows in the toilets? It's unlikely that anyone will be looking in at 30,000ft!!!  
rock.gif


cool.gif
 

Technician

Guest
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Napster @ Sep. 03 2004,12:53)]
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Technician @ Sep. 03 2004,12:51)]2.) If the black-box [which is painted RED]
it's orange.
So, i'm colour-blind... it's not black though! right!!!
tounge.gif
 

Vange Shrimper

Mrs Rock God
Joined
Oct 25, 2003
Messages
14,069
Location
Westcliff-on-Sea
I cant make it this Sunday, but i'll def be there on the 19th Sept. I kinda like watching SZFC play Sutton Sports for some reason, shame i wont be there tho.......
 

Technician

Guest
[b said:
Quote[/b] (* ORM * @ Sep. 03 2004,17:56)]
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Technician @ Sep. 03 2004,13:51)]NOTE.) The aircraft expands approximately 12" during flight...
If it's a female aircraft does it get moist between the legs ?
Behave! It's between the Aisles ORM, not legs!  
ghostface.gif
 

Moisture in the cabin, might be the aircraft losing hydraulic fluid... if it is, then there might be a fair few passengers requiring a change of under garments...!

Of course you could try flapping your arms very fast out the windows, but as I mentioned earlier... this is not adviseable and humans are not renowned for unpowered flight!  
biggrin.gif


Did you know that all landings are known as "Controlled Crashes!"

You will find it comforting to know that each pilot, has the same number of take-offs as landings... however, the pilot knows that in the event of a crash, he has little to worry about...

At the subsequent board of enquiry, he'll be the only one there!!!  
rock.gif


It's also very convenient that the airlines supply a sick bag! Not a very pleasant thing to know that the last thing you might ever do is hurl into a sick bag...!  
sad.gif
 
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