player profiles brought to you by shrimperzone

[Benji91]

this shouldn't take too long with our massive squad, but we should create our own player profiles so when those weird northerners appear asking for help for their fanzines we have something ready. Something along the lines of:
9 lee barnard
signed by Southend after his previous club spurs released 4 of his personal physios and leapt at the chance to work closely with physios team here. Models his game closely to Samuel l jacksons charachter in the film unbreakable.

Personally I'm looking forward to obl's effort for macca.

 

[OldBlueLady]

:angel: Your wish is my command - probably not as funny as you wanted though. My creative touch is sadly absent today.

#8 - Alan McCormack

Feisty little Irishman signed from Preston in January 2007 after two loan periods at Roots Hall, obviously attracted by the town's nightlife! Renowned hard tackling centre midfielder with a tendency to attract the displeasure of countless referees, earning 2 reds (yes, really, ONLY 2!) and 35 yellows to date. Has made over 120 appearances for the Blues and scored 15 goals, mainly from distance, practising for which explains the number of lost balls at the training ground.

Tendency to have the red mist descend at times, and also to suffer from groin problems. Just needs taking in hand!

 

[Firestorm]

Osei Sankofa

Why ?

 

[Stats]

Osei Sankofa

Why ?

How about like Keith Dublin but worse.

 

[chadded]

How about-

Macca is the only part time player in the squad, as he is also a manager at local nightspot 'Mayhem.' Weirdly though, when on the pitch, he seems to think he is a doorman, judging by the way he bosses the game. Lacking in brains as much as he lacks hair, the poor sod has to have his name painted on his car, as he can never remember which is his. Rumours that before he found football, he was a lepricaun on the hit Saturday morning kids TV show 'Live and Kicking,' are however something he strenuously denied in his 2007 autobiography- 'I might be bald, I might be Irish, but at least i'm not ginger.'

 

[sufc_tom]

1 Steve Mildenhall

He used to be s***e,
but now he's alright.
Stevie Mildenhall

And he looks like Big Bird from Seasame (sp) St.

 

[Crawliano]

26 Francis Laurent (From Wikipedia, edit as necessary)

Paulo César Wanchope Watson (Spanish pronunciation: [ˈpaulo ɰanˈtʃope]) (born 31 July 1976 in Heredia), also known as "Chope" or as "La Cobra" in Central America and South America, is a Costa Rican former professional footballer. As of February 2009, Wanchope is the second most prolific goalscorer in the history of the national football team, behind Rolando Fonseca, with 45 goals in 73 international matches.

Continues:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paulo_Wanchope

 

[chadded]

Johhny Herd- Combines football with studying for his GCSE's, Master Herd is infinitely better at left back that Ashley Cole, as proved in Jan 09. Twice. Nothing further needs to be said.

 

[OldBlueLady]

Kevin Betsy

aka Lucas from Eastenders, spends too much time in his alternative guise on the Walford set when he should be learning how to cross the ball.

 

[chadded]

Steve Mildenhall- struggles to keep clean sheets not due to the fact he never has a defence, but because his missus is fit and he loves to bang her, and Darryl sold him a dodgy washing machine last year.*





*Apparantly.

 

[chadded]

Kevin Betsy

aka Lucas from Eastenders, spends too much time in his alternative guise on the Walford set when he should be learning how to cross the ball.

It's good but (IMO) it's not right!!

Kevin Betsy.

Gordon Connelly turned black.

 

[OldBlueLady]

It's good but (IMO) it's not right!!

Kevin Betsy.

Gordon Connelly turned black.

I'll let Tinks argue that one with you then - she's convinced they are one and the same man!

 

[chadded]

Alex Revell. Hung like a donkey. Hence the reason his goal celebration is him galloping. Not that you'll get to see that of course.....*



Revs, if you read this, I'm joking....

 

[chadded]

I'll let Tinks argue that one with you then - she's convinced they are one and the same man!

Credit to Tinks Jr (si) for pointing out Betsy's complete ****ness. It took me a bit longer than most to realise how tonk he was.

 

[chadded]

Clark Masters- we've never heard of him either.

 

[Stats]

Adam Barrett - Club captain, centre half/left back, part time Richard O'Brian lookalike.

 

[Jedi Shrimper]

Franck Moussa - aka The Moose™, Mooooooooooooooooooose, see "Year of"

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Simon Francis, aged 24, is a tall and powerfully built defender. He is 6' 0" tall, fast and athletic...

So, did I tell you about this wonderful little hotel I found? It's right on the coast, beautiful sea views in the morning, and they do a fantastic full English breakfast. Anyhow, where was I? Oh yes...


...but unfortunately has a rather alarming tendency to wander, and take his mind off the task in hand, namely defending.

 

[Jedi Shrimper]

Dougie Freedman - see Lee Barnard

 

[Matt the Shrimp]

Lee Barnard - sees John Stannard. Quite a lot.